Was I being Cheeky?

Question

Last night at the dinner table I decided to vegetables only, coz I didn't really feel like meat, my mom shouted at me "Don't be stupid! that's an anorexic's dinner!!!" I told her that I had lunch that afternoon at work and I wasn't hungry enough to have meat as well, and that if she didn't believe me she could phone my boss, so she shouted again "You're just saying that, because you know I'm not going to phone him!", I said nicely and not even trying to be cheeky "Well I gave you the choice didn't I?", and just because I had said that she screamed at me telling me not to dare to be cheeky and talk back to her like that and she started laughing, saying that she would never speak like that to her parents, I just kept quiet because I didn't want to make a big issue of it. Later on after dinner she came to my bedroom telling me that she can't believe she didn't get an apology and that I'm a ***** because of my aunt and uncle I stayed with in the UK, it really upsets me when she says that

Answer 1

Its difficult when a relationship changes, and that is what happens when you grow up, and particularly when you spend some time away and then come back. What you said was not unreasonable, but what your Mum heard may have been very different, she may have heard that you were rejecting her or not wanting her to care for you, food and love are very closely tied together. Perhaps it might be a good idea to have a talk with your Mum and let her know that you love her, and that you just weren't hungry. If she is worried that you are not eating enough, perhaps you could sit down together and work out what you both think you should be eating so that you avoid the need for these problems. It may also be that she feels a little jealous of the time you spent with your Aunt and Uncle, and a little left out, you could talk to her about it and let her know how much you missed her when you were away. Perhaps you should also let her know that she upsets you when she says these things.

The trouble with being a Mum is that there is no instruction manual, and you have to make it up as you go along!! Everyone gets it wrong sometimes. The problem with being a son or daughter is that every time you think you got it right, something changes and the whole process has to start over again. I think the only way through is to talk about it, and to love each other enough to forgive the mistakes.

**** luck.

Answer 2

Well, I can see where you're coming from but I can also see why your mum thought you were being cheeky. It made me laugh as it was exactly what I would have said (about giving her the choice). The big question here is, did you mean to be cheeky? Were you secretly thinking 'oh shut up mother.' I expect, if you are anything like the rest of us, you felt a bit irritated by your mums accusation and a sneaky little bit of that irritation came out in your tone of voice without you meaninig it to, which is what your mum heard. Just grovel a bit (i know, I dont do grovel either but for a quiet life its gotta be worth it, right?) tell her you didn't mean to sound ungrateful for the meal and you didnt mean to sound cheeky.

Oh and find out at later date what she meant about your relatives in the UK..... I live in UK..... would be interested to know!

Good luck :-)

Answer 3

Your mum was just trying to take care of you and make sure you were getting enough to eat. It sounds as thought there was a bit of cheek on both sides - did you really expect your mum to call your boss? I think an apology is due from both sides, but try to understand that she only has your best interests at heart (she also sees all these magazines and tv programmes telling girls/woman to be super skinny and doesn't want this to happen to you). Try to talk about the problem with your aunt and uncle as it sounds as though she has an underlying issue with this.

Answer 4

I got to admit I would have been p issed off if I had spent a bit of time cooking you dinner, and you knew before hand that you wasn't that hungry and didn't bother saying anything till it was to late and to then you start getting mouthy.

I think you should apologise, as for the aunt and uncle thing there’s issues that needs to be talked about I think

Answer 5

I don't think you were out of order. If she thought you were being cheeky because you had picked the behaviour up from your Aunt and Uncle, it sounds like she might be a bit jealous of them! Maybe her argument is with them and she has taken it out on you as you are the nearest person. You know the saying, always hurt the one you love. She probably feels bad now and I bet if you apologise she will too.

Answer 6

I am sure you thought you were saying it nicely when you said "well I gave you the choice didn't ?" but I am afraid it does sound a little cheeky. I know my mom would think that it is. You should let your mom know that she did hurt your feelings though, and explain to her what you really meant. I know I didn't apologize to my mom bc I thought I was right and I didn't tell her when she hurt my feelings and now we barely know what to say to each other.

Answer 7

Hey I know it is hard, but just try to keep peace in the family. We moms do want to have our kids eat a well ballanced meal. If they don't we feel somewhat guilty about not doing a well enough job as a parent.

But on the other hand moms should not call their children bad names. I always was called bad names while living at home. My mom had a lot of problems(mental). But please to not call her any names either. It will not help the situation.

Answer 8

Sounds like your Mum had a bad day and needed to vent a bit! Next time, accept your dinner as it is and eat what you are able to.

I have found that saying "Yes Mum, whatever you think is best...." works wonders in peace keeping.

I only cause arguements with my Mum on big issues - life is much quieter that way!

Answer 9

Mums have an inbuilt need to feed their chicks! I would have put some on the plate at least. She has gone to the trouble of cooking a meal for you.

Ask her what she meant about your Aunt and Uncle.

And apologise for the food issue.

Answer 10

If you're still living at home you should at least try to eat what's put in front of you - after all your mum cooked it, she's probably concerned that you need a balanced diet. Even a little would have calmed the situation.
I think your action of silence probably wound her up even more.