How to talk to my GF's parents, PLEASE HELP?

Question

I'm 18 and my gf she's 17 and has typical Asian family. They wouldn't let her have a BF until she reaches 21. When me n my gf first started going out. I tried to be honest with her parents and let them know that we'r going out, but they couldn't handel the truth. Me and my gf had dated behind her parent's back for more than a year now. Through that year we have experienced a lot of things, and none her parents know about. Now, I'm willing to talk to them again about us because I think they have the right to know. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING BY HAVING A INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION WITH THEM? WILL THEY LISTEN? CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ANY IDEA ON WHAT TO SAY?

Answer 1

Be old fashioned it works with any parents.

Answer 2

Yes, you are doing the right thing. They need to know who you are. You have been dating their daughter (albeit behind their backs) for a year now. Surely this demonstrates that you are serious about this relationship and not some fly-by-night Lothario. They will almost certainly resist your advances at first, but inevitably (if not on this occasion then at some future time) they will give in. You should be as open and honest with them as possible and treat them with respect, no matter how they treat you. They, you should not forget, are the wounded party.

Answer 3

The truth is you have to be your self!!!! Most parents are looking for a young man that is out all about getting in there daughter in bed. A lot of guy are looking for one thing. Most parents just want to make sure of two things one that you don't have a bad effect of the daughter. In example her grads start to drop she start missing or cutting school. The second thing is that you are not out to hurt there daughter. A relationship can scar a young women for the rest of there lives.

Answer 4

having an intellectual conversation is making good the first step first step. tell them that you understand and respect their rules and how you feel about their daughter. do not bring up the drama that happened while you two dated behind the parents back! make them understand why you like their daughter and would like to be given a chance with their daughter. tell them that you care for her and that she is a good person and you like being in her company, that sort of thing but do not bring up love! i dated my bf with whom i broke up a couple of months ago and got back with behind my parents back and somehow i did not tell them any of the drama that went on! my parents eventually found out about me and my bf and it was hard on them. to her parents it will feel as though theuy have been lied, deceited,and so forth and will not believe what else you have to say! tell them the reason why you like or love your gf and tell them that you know that they are mad at you but that maybe you and them can come to a compromise. respect her parents rules, ask for curfews, never be late, treat ner nice and give her parents a reason to maybe like you. at first the parets will be mad but with time it goes away and do not get mad if her parents do not want to listen to you when they see and hear what you have to say! they might listen depending on how open minded they are !

Answer 5

You can't have an intellectual conversation with people that are driven by their culture and not everyday normal life. If you tell them that you have been seeing her, they will be angry with you and will NEVER trust you. Your GF needs to stand up to her parents and tell them that she is old enough to decide if she is ready to date someone. She should be prepared for a big fight, but she should stand her ground. Be available to her for support. Bottom line...this is HER battle, not yours.

Answer 6

Blessed you gotta work around walls than smash your head on it.

You're right her parents should know. But rather than gush about how much you love her and all those lovey dovey details. Choose conversation topics about how good she is, the frens you hang out with... you know, keep the conversation general.

There's a phrase called "Need to know", in her parents case, if they dun wanna know, there's no "need to know" is there?

But no reason you can't talk to them like you talk to your other frens parents right?

Answer 7

Asian families have strong ties to their children(especially Chinese and Vietnamese). They want them to be successful at all costs. If they see they are (their children maybe distracted in their focus for success it will evolve as a threat to their belief system! You have to become a salesman and a giving soul. They need to know you respect their family values and their daughters ambition(because it is theirs also) Call it fear of success for the oppressed and determined. You have to start with the father, uncover his likes and passions, then share your ideas and points of view. Become part of the culture. Don't distant yourself but rather involve yourself with them. Try to experiment with their tastes., humor them, give yourself to them. Buy them dinner, buy gifts, impress upon them. Share your goals in life and explain to them how your plans are evolving. When they do start to see who you are is when you stand for your girlfriends needs and yours as a couple. She will be 18, for them they really can't do anything to stop her. But it doesn't have to be that way if you work a plan to win them over. If they hold too tightly to their daughter(which they might) you had better have money saved up and a good job to support your girlfriend through college(if that's plan B) Start acting like a son in law, speak as though you know what you are talking about. Show them you got what it takes to take care of their daughter. Asians equate success to position, money, status, education, generosity.

Answer 8

So you want to inform them that they've been so stupid that they haven't realized that you and their daughter have been dating?
Does your girlfriend agree with this?
Personally, I think you're just going to see them try to be stricter with her.
I can't think of anything that will make a good situation out of this.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

DO NOT TALK WITH THEM. She's not 18, you are, you can be arrested. Keep your mouth shut.
Then continue to keep your mouth shut until your GF and her parents ask to meet with YOU.

Answer 10

Why should you talk to them? Don't you think that's your girlfriend's job? Or is she afraid to do so after sneaking around her parents's backs for a year?