More to the story...?

Question

I think I may have used my words in the last question a little too loosely. Im not exactly repulsed by my husband but rather "put off" by my husband. I hate the thought of having to have sex with him because (as many of you quessed) sex=pregnancy, and I DO NOT WANT another baby. But I think the bigger contribution to my feelings is because of the lack of respect and hurtful words my husband say's to me when ever he gets mad. He accuses me of cheating (which I have NEVER), he calls me fat (only when he's mad of course), and does not respect anything that I do, whether for him, the family, the kids, the house, the bills.. ANYTHING! Thankfully our marriage has never been physical (fighting wise) but that old saying "sticks and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me".. is a horrible horrible LIE! I think words hurt the most! But overall, (even though all your answers were VERY eye opening) this problem IS bigger than I had imagined, and I agree with all of you.. I need help

Answer 1

My "X" husband was like that and in time, your lose all your feelings. When you're hurt, not appreciated, feel you're not loved, put down all the time; well, who wants to have sex or even want them around? I was made to feel insecure for so long, that to this day; almost 20 years later, I can't even accept a compliment. It was hard, but I'm glad I got out of that relationship. It can psychologically damage you for the rest of your life.

Answer 2

This was the same deal with my ex. And for the most part it is called verbal abuse. Words DO hurt more than anything. Physical fades.. Words you never forget. I try and tell my kids to always think twice before you say something in anger. You can never unsay a word. As far as the cheating goes? I once heard a saying.. If your spouse is accusing its usually guilt eating away because they are. In my case it was true. So open your eyes and either rule it out or go from there. When I look back I think that I really did know that he was cheating and that contributed to the lack of "desire" I had for him.
Maybe you could try marriage counseling? I know one couple that it really helped alot.
The reason I finally made the decision to leave is that I stepped back and looked at my 2 girls. I said to myself Do I want them to grow up and take this from a spouse/partner because they think its ok because I did? (he was also physical at times and almost always verbal). The answer was no. So we left.
He is a much better father now to the girls as well. We really just brought the worst out of each other.
Either way I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 3

Your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. In many many ways, this is FAR worse than physical abuse. The physical scars heal. The emotional ones last a lifetime.

You do need help. I went through the same thing. I didn't consider what my ex was doing worthy of "needing help," because afterall, a lot of women were far worse off than me because they were being battered. Man was I ever wrong!!!!!

Look in your phone book for "Domestic Violence" and get the hotline #. Call and talk to the trained counselor who will take your call. I went to a Domestic Violence support group for months and months before I left my ex. I was SHOCKED to learn that MOST of the women attending the support group were VERY MUCH in MY shoes.........and NOT being physically abused. Eventually, I got up the nerve to take control of my own life and the lives of my children and left him. When the time came to leave, my children and I went to the shelter for abused women and children. There we got TONS and TONS of help and support that got me up and running on my own two feet. They were WONDERFUL. There's lots and lots of help out there. Go find it! GOOD LUCK.