How Do I Tell My Family That My Wife's Baby Isn't Mine?

Question

My wife had an affair 11 months ago and now we have a baby. She told me when she was pregnant that our baby may not be mine because she had an affair. I was furious in the beginning and went through all of the emotions and even contemplated divorce but I have learned to forgive and forget which was very difficult. Since I love my wife, we went through counseling and it seemed to help. I found out through a paternity test recently that my baby is not mine but I will still take care of the baby and be the father of this child because I love my wife and because I take my marriage vows seriously "for better or for worse".

Now the problem is, how do I tell my family and friends that my baby is not mine? What's the best way to tell them? Or should I keep it a secret like it's none of their business?
My wife has not told her family or friends yet that the baby isn't mine.

Part of why my wife had an affair is because some of it is my fault. I didn't pay attention to her needs and I worked alot and she felt neglected. Now that we went through counseling, our marriage is stronger than it was before.

Our main concern is telling our families and friends about our baby's real father.

I forgot to say that my wife had an affair with a hispanic man (dark skinned) and my wife and I are both white. So if this baby will have some darker features when they get older, then our families and friends will get suspicious.

Answer 1

Why do you feel it necessary to air your dirty laundry to your in laws? I think that things like this should be kept between you and your wife only.

I'm not going to pass judgement on your decision to stay with your wife after all she's done. You're a really strong man to get over something like this but I really feel that this issue should be kept within your marriage only. Nobody else has to know.

Answer 2

To be honest you will be opening a can of worms in the long run about the affair and the child. When the time comes just go with the flow and hope that no one will asked about the child. It is between you two and not the whole world. All what matter is do you love the child and will you be happy with bringing the child up as your own.

Answer 3

Wow, I admire you for your courage to forgive and save your marraige. Not many people would have the fortitude to do so and for that you should be proud. As for the child, I don't think that you should tell your family for a couple of reasons...
1. This child, for all intensive purposes, is your child. No, you were not the genetic donor, however, you are the man that is stepping up to be the hero and raise this baby. He will see you as daddy and that is all that matters.
2. If you tell the family some bad things might happen. They might unintentionally treat the child badly and, since I have come from a borken home myself, I can tell you that is very, very painful. The child has no options as to what situation that it is thrust into, it is totally innocent, and should not be made to bear the brunt of any shame.
All I can say is good luck to you and to your family. Faith can certainly help you through this, and I know that you must have a huge heart to raise this baby and forgive your wife. She is very very lucky, and so is the baby, for having such a wonderful example of a father to look up to.

Answer 4

Keeping this a secret would be a mistake. Your wife already made one mistake, don't allow another mistake to be made. You need to be open about the fact that this child is not biologically yours. The first thing you need to do is tell the father that he has fathered a child with your wife. Your child has the right to know who its biological father is. This child should have a relationship with its father, as well as a loving supportive relationship with the two of you. Your child will have two daddys to love, and that makes your baby very lucky. The rest of your family will certainly understand, and if anything respect you for choosing to raise and love this child as your own. Secrets like this always come out, don't make your child resent you for not giving him/her the opportunity to know his/her father. Do the right thing now, and it will save you a lot of heartache later on. You and your wife want to be a great role model for this child, right? Of course you do, do the right thing, be open and honest...This very thing happened in my family. My sister has a different father. My parents told her biological father when she was a newborn that he had fathered this child; however they never allowed him to see her, and I guess he chose to stay away as well. When my sister was in highschool, they told her that she had a different father. Wow, all XXX broke loose then. She was very very angry, and this info. changed her relationship with my parents to this day, almost 30 years later she still doesn't have a relationship with them. Other extended relatives still hold my mother responsible for keeping this secret, and have lost all respect for my parents. Trust me, don't keep secrets, be open and honest from the get-go, you owe it to that beautiful innocent baby. The sooner you notify the father the better, after you find out his response to the news, you will know how to handle the relatives. Good luck!

Answer 5

If you are trying to keep the marriage together I wouldn't bother telling them as they will surely have advice that may ruin your marriage. If you are content with the situation and you and your wife have worked things out don't tell anyone, forgiveness is a hard lesson to learn and it takes time to heal after something like this happens, but if you have truly forgiven her you will never bring it up to her again or mention it to either side of the family, if you are going to raise the child as your own it will be up to you at a later date to decide whether or not to tell the child, if you tell the child when it is older, then would be a good time to tell the family, as right now they wouldn't be as able to forgive....you don't need in-laws and friends trying to influence you at this time if you are going to work out things with your wife.

Answer 6

Your a good man you are. My best advice is to take that secret to the grave. One day when you are gone the child may learn the truth. If it does it will love you all the more for being there when most men would have fled in a heartbeat. Your wife should keep her mouth shut as well. Think about the child's feelings only...and love her/him like your own. I hope she has not told the sperm donor about this...it could make things sticky later on. God Bless you all.

Answer 7

Keep it a secret. Telling your family would just cause them to have bad feelings toward your wife and child later on. If you still plan on taking care of the child and raising it, then you are its father. At least you are the only father it will know. Just because it has a few genes that aren't yours doesn't mean that it doesn't need a family.

Answer 8

I applaud you AND your wife. What she did was wrong......no two ways about that in my book, but she made it right. Good for you for forgiving and forgetting. I don't know if I could be as good of a person as you if put in the same situation. Your wife also seems like a good person, and your marriage seems strong and wonderful. Don't tell. It's no one's business. You have accepted the child as YOURS and that's all there should be to the story. Family may well not be as forgiving and this could be counter-productive to your marriage. If they get suspicious, that's THEIR problem. You've both committed to your marriage and have made it right. Keep it that way! Best of luck!

Answer 9

He does not choose something to do with 'it'? "It" is a toddler! His infant! So he needs to awaken to slightly difficulty called toddler help and pay. i'd look right into a divorce criminal expert suitable away so which you additionally could ascertain you get funds for the time you spent scraping by utilising while he abandoned his youthful and unborn. What a heartless! He runs residing house to mommy while his residing house existence gets to be too plenty? information to him, you and those little ones ARE his kin! there is not any leaving that at the back of!! His kin can no longer deny you and then be indignant because of the fact you 'took away their granddaughter' you may no longer have confidence your immature and ignorant husband with the care of a toddler suitable now! and you will't have confidence his kin because of the fact they %. and decide who gets to be in the kin, so what in the adventure that your daughter falls out of style someway? Will they only get rid of her? And what appropriate to the newborn on your abdomen? Does his kin care that he needs to homicide (abort) their next grandchild? i'm hoping the courts wring him dry. do no longer place self belief in any form of contract between the two considered one of you, get each and every thing in courtroom authorized writing so they are able to take it out of his examine.

Answer 10

If you are raising this baby as your own, then he is yours. Until questions arise there are no need to offer up explanation. You are not at fault for he unfaithfulness, but you are honorable for taking on the responsibility and loving the baby as your own. Doesn't the affair guy have any idea that she was pregnant and the baby may be his?

Remember, it's okay to forgive, but never forget.