A question for those who have been cheated on...?

Question

Coming from the stand-point of the awful place you've been, would you rat out a friend or relative that you knew was cheating?

Well, what I found to be equally as painful as being cheated on was the fact that "friends" and family around me knew and said nothing. I felt betrayed by more than just my husband

Emo Hope-- Oh yes...why should people around me know more about my life than the one who's living it, right??

Answer 1

Yes, either directly or indirectly(example: go with the person being cheated on to the same place). Why would you want to be friends with someone who has no integrity anyways. The only people who say 'mind your own business' are the ones who cheat.
Although, I would prefer to do it indirectly, instead just coming out to say it.

Answer 2

No I would not rat on anyone unless it involved my children. Sooner or later the person will find out that his/her spouse is cheating.
How do you honestly know that the other person knows that his/her spouse is cheating, or mutual agreement. Being an x bartender, I have seen people lose friends by telling them their spouse was cheating on them. On one occasion I can remember when a person reported to his friend that his wife was cheating on him, his now x friend replied back in a loud voice; Why don't you mind your own business and leave my wife alone.
If my want wants to cheat on me, then that is between her and i and no one else. That is close to the same words that I listed above.
Another lady at the end of the bar replied to me, him and her both have mutual agreements that they will go out with different people.
I learned being a bartender that you never get involved, you just take care of them and listen. Most people that is all they want is some that will listen to them.
I hope that I made sense with this honest statement.

Answer 3

Yes. I would first talk to the friend and try to get them to honest. If there is a problem in the marriage then they need to put there energy into that, not an affair. If they do not love who they are married to then they should tell them it is over. The pain is great when you learn about an affair. Emotions run the entire gamut. Hate, fear, revenge, anger, questioning why, self doubt, love, resentment, and the list keeps going on.

I would also urge the person who is being cheated on to work through their emotions before making a decision about what to do (work on the marriage, divorce, separation). Emotions will cloud the decision making. A friend should also let the person make up their mind. Do not say things like I think you should leave her/him. Be supportive, but allow them to work through there issues. Urge the two of them to try couples counseling.

Answer 4

You know this is a hard question....What if you tell on that person and they don't believe you? One of my good friends got cheated on while she was out of town. I've seen the boyfriend holding his ex hand while at the mall more than 3 times...I also knew that he spends the night at the ex. I wanted to be a great friend and told my friend what I saw. She turned it around and said I didn't like him that's why I wanna ruin their relationship. She also told him that it was me that ratted him out. After this case I don't I would ever tell what I see.

Answer 5

If I know for a fact, as in seeing that person cheating on some one, you bet I would in a heart beat.

What I would do is watch the one that is doing the cheating and find out where they are going to be at with the one that they are cheating with, then go get the one that they are cheating ON and then take that person to where the two cheaters are and let the other one catch the cheater RED HANDED with their lover. I wouldn't let the one being cheated on know what I was up to. I would take them on the false pretense of doing something else. At least that way I would not really be telling them that their partner is cheating on them. But yes I would find out a way to let the one being cheated on know that their partner is cheating on them.

I wanted to know when it was happening with me. Some told me and some didn't. But he always told me he was not cheating on me, that he was just visiting with friends. Sure he was......

Answer 6

from the friend side of the picture, if you are a true and loyal friend I would want you to tell me what you know and not hide anything from me, I have been in this situation where i was the cheater and thought I had friends but as soon as I was out of the picture so to speak ,in there minds they ran right to the spouse and spilled their guts about every thing they knew ,but on the other hand when she got her revenge against me all the so called friends didn't have the gall to tell me or the loyalty to tell either of us how wrong and stupid we were. in any friendship whether it is intimate, or Platonic there has to be respect, truth fullness,loyalty,honesty, and much consideration to how your actions will affect your friend that you are betraying, not to mention that betrayal is a big issue also and how people interpret that is another story in its self.

Answer 7

I would confront the cheater. Tell them what I saw and that they need to tell their suggnifagent other or else I was going to tell them. Give them a week to do so. That way, they have a time line and they can figure out what and how they are going to break it to them. It sounds harsh, but I know that I sure would have liked to know. Being betrayed by his family members and my husband was heartwrenching! I felt like a fool. Like I was the only one not to know. Good luck.

Answer 8

Relative yes, Friend such a dishonest heart breaker wouldn't be my friend. I'd feel so guilty just knowing. I would tell. Think about the pain that person is not only causing someone who cares about them but themselves also.
To many people live by crooked Morales these days. Would you want to be told?

Answer 9

Hell yea!!!! if you and the other person are truely friends then you would tell them what is going on, because if i was in their shoes i would want them to tell me!!! Now whether or not they choose to believe you is totally up to them! just imagine how things would be if she found out about the cheating and the fact that you knew and didn't say anything. things get ugly and they never wanna trust you again. i wouldn't want my friend to be hurt anymore than she will be after i tell her vs. not tellin her and letting her fend for herself! that's not right and you are not a true friend!

Answer 10

What I think I might do is approach the person and tell them that you know what is going on and if they don't tell then you will.

I have never been in your situation before. I do hope its not to get revenge. Its a very hard decision and either way your in the middle of it and you may be also blamed for your part in the telling.
I don't know what I would do in your situation