Here is the situation....
I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and she has problems with seperating our relationship with her friends. Don't get me wrong I LOVE her friends, as they are my friends as well. But, me and her haven't been out on a real date together in over 7 months. I am currently in school and we live about 2 hours apart. Everytime I come to visit her and we make plans to do something she always decides to call her one friend up to join us. I have asked her repeadly to try and make some time for us, she always promises she will and never does. It's not like I want us to spend every moment together, because that isn't what I want at all, I would just like us to go on a couple real dates every month. I mean she only sees me every other weekend, is it too much for her to spend some alone time with me? Am I overreacting?
2006-11-14 15:49:30 · 12 answers · asked by Monique W 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I have confronted her, like a billion times, and she just promises, and then never follows through. We are currently in a huge fight over it...
2006-11-14 15:55:07 · update #1
I'm pretty sure it isn't that she isn't in love with me (considering she just cried her eyes out and asked me to forgive her) She has been like this with our relationship since the beginning, it's been a problem of ours since then. She has always had to involve her friends in everything we do. I had to eat dinner with her and her best friend on our anniversary every year we have had one. I have no idea what I should do...
2006-11-14 16:03:04 · update #2
Ewww the best friend is straight. Half the time my girlfriend won't even hold my hand around her because she doesn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but she doesn't care how uncomfortable it makes me feel.
2006-11-14 16:25:42 · update #3
It's a difficult situation since you don't live in the same city. Your girlfriend is used to spending time with her friends because you are only there every other weekend. Since your girlfriend is used to her friends all the time that you are not around, I do not think it is too much to ask for her to spend some quality time with you when you are in town. She can balance her time on the opposing weekends between you and her friends, but she picks her friends when you are not in town and then picks her friends when you are in town. Since you say that her friends are your friends too, I think a reasonable compromise would be for your 1st weekend in town to hang around the friends and have a good time (but with some alone time), and the 2nd weekend of the month to be your time with each other and no interruption. If she can't agree to that and insists on calling up a friend to join you, I would question if she wants to be with you and, based on that, if you want to remain with her.
2006-11-14 16:05:39 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she has intimacy issues, or maybe just isn't in love with you and uses the friends to keep a safe distance.
I recommend you make yourself unavailable on some weekends that you would normally spend with her. Get away from the frustration of the arguments and unfulfilling visits. See if that feels better, or puts things on the mend.
2006-11-14 17:26:30 · answer #2 · answered by Cub6265 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not really,maybe she is trying to tell you something like she wants a three some or maybe she is scared of you so she always brings a friend along to be on the safe side if things keep getting worse between you two its time to find a new girlfriend.
2006-11-14 16:09:01 · answer #3 · answered by mommyandbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she's having trouble separating your relationship from her friends, I think she's having trouble separating from you.
I hate to point this out, but its pretty obvious this girl isn't in love with you any more and hasn't been able to tell you, or just doesn't know how.
She sees you twice a month and she doesn't want to spend that time with you? I'm sorry but I think your relationship is over. Have a talk with her. Good luck to you.
2006-11-14 15:56:59 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry Darl but i have to agree with tjnstlouismo... It sounds like she is only seeing your relationship as a friendship and trying to hint by always inviting friends out on your outings... But i don't think she is ready to leave the relationship otherwise she would of told you whats going on.. Seven months that's a long time. I would try and talk to her and don't leave the subject until its settle or until she is honest with you. Its unfair on your part emotionally. Good luck : )
2006-11-14 16:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by Shes a Cookie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a plan
Make a date
Tell her that you want some private time with her and her ALONE on said date. Make it very clear that friends are NOT welcome!
If she can't do that, then it may be time to let go.
2006-11-14 16:47:29 · answer #6 · answered by knightofsappho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might want to get a bit more aggressive, make the plan yourself and be sure not to include any of her friends and don't let her mess it up. You might also want to think about telling her friends about the plan as well and making sure that they know that you want to spend it alone with her.
No, you aren't overreacting, it'd get to me to if I were in your shoes.
2006-11-14 16:15:57 · answer #7 · answered by Rageling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a place, any place to go on a date that a group of people wouldn't belong in. Sorry! I can't think of one.
2006-11-14 15:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she's doing her friend, she wont hold hands with you because she doesnt want to make the "friend" jealous!
2006-11-14 17:05:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she might have intimacy issues. Confront her, alone. See what she says.
2006-11-14 15:53:29 · answer #10 · answered by crystal89431 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋