Why doesn't my wife have any kind of sex drive???

Question

When I say that she doesnt have a sex drive I mean it. She never thinks about sex, she never initiates any thing sexual, she never masturbates, and she is only 22. When we do actual do the dew she climaxes several times so it is not as if she doesnt enjoy it. I thought for a while that maybe I was wanting it too much so I didn't initiate it for three weeks, in that time we never had any kind of sexual touching or kissing, it was 3 weeks of nothing. So I know it isnt that I want it too much and I am over exaggerating, she just really has no sexual drive. We are married and have been facing this problem for four years now. While on our week and a half long honeymoon we only engaged in sex twice. My main concern is not that I get sex, if it was that I would have cheated long ago, it is that I want her to want me. We thought it might be her birth control pills but her OBGYN told her that BC pills rarely affect someones sex drive. I fear I may start to resent her over time.

I would like to get a Vasectomy for myself ( - I - dont ever want to procreate, prefer to adopt, and this would get her off the Birth Control), but if i have learned anything it is that things thought to be a quick fix always lead to more problems.

my wife and i have discussed this and have not been able to come to a conclusion

we have been together for over 6 years and when we started having sex when we were 17 we did it at least 9 times a week.

I want to be wanted, I may start to resent her because she never wants me, I feel insulted and inadequate, as if I am doing something wrong. That is what leads to resentment, especially when you discuss it and never get anywhere and the problem persist and you know the next time you bring it up it will be a repeat of the last time it was broughten up. I bring this question here to see others insight if maybe they have any similar situations. I gave it a break for 3 weeks to see if it was me and she never made any advances. Like I said she enjoys it when it happens, it is not as though it is unpleasant.

Answer 1

well, i would say that she is just not interested in you, no offense but, if she was never like this before then i would say you two need to get into counseling to help her to want you.
What takes away 95% of a women's sex drive? Wedding cake

Answer 2

Well, some women are not that sexual. I am the same way, I can go for days even up to 2 weeks without doing it. But my husband is like a rabbit, I'm 23. At this age, most women are affectionate but not as sexual. It changes when they get older. So plz don't take it personal. Sometimes candlelight, a good massage, or just cuddling can get her in the mood. I have been on BC pills for 6 years and every dr. and nurse I've spoken to says that BC can slightly negatively impact the sex drive. So it may just be that, or it could be a depression...talk to her. It's ur wife communicate and see if you two can get down to the problem.

Answer 3

Your wife is too young to be losing her sex drive. If anything, the birth control pills should increase it.

Were you her first? That may have a lot to do with it.

My feeling is there could be several reasons here why your wife has lost her sex drive: It could be medical or psychological. Or maybe she either does not know how to initiate things or feels the man should initiate things.

It sounds like you haven't discussed this with your wife. You should start there. Communication is very important in marriage. Without communication, marriage dies.
Find out HER feelings on this. Then go from there - perhaps a visit the GP and the Gyn to rule out medical problems.

Good luck. :)

Answer 4

It's not unusual for a woman's sex drive to change after marriage, I'm sorry to say. It's noble that you would be willing to get a vasectomy and adopt instead (there are a lot of children out there who need loving parents), but at your age, I wouldn't recommend cutting yourself off so entirely from the gene pool because you may regret it as you get older and reversals are not always successful; then again all a vasectomy does in the first place is dramatically reduce your sperm count, it doesn't mean there is no 100% change that she can't get pregnant. But she does need to get off that birth control. It will affect her sex drive because it's messing up her normal hormonal balance. That's all a "sex drive" really is anyway...hormones. I agree that you need to talk and find out what's going on with her. Stress is a big killer for sex drives in women. I also agree she could be depressed and not realize it, but anti-depressant medication does not necessarily reduce the sex drive in all patients, for some it increases it because they are feeling so much better. When I took Prozac my sex drive dramatically increased because I suffered a chemical imbalance in my body. Don't automatically assume it's you...most of the time it's not the guy. You really need to talk to each other about this. Lack of communication will ruin a marriage!

Answer 5

She may be suffering from depression. Even if she seems happy, this could be the problem. I have a problem with depression and it can cause a low sex drive. I think you should set down and talk to her about it. I hope everything works out for you two, sex does not "make" a marriage, but it is deffinatly missed when it is not there. Good luck. ALso, if she is suffering from depression, be careful what meds theyh put her on, they can also have sexual side effects that are NOT good.

Answer 6

I understand a man has needs.. But, if you love her you will talk to her about it. If you start to resent her over time.. You never loved her to begin with.. Lets not be to hasty here.. You contradicted yourself. You say sex isn't what you want but in the same breath you say you may start to resent her?? Please. Sex is what you want. Some girls just dont like sex and are not interested in it. I'm mean come on... We wasn't put here on earth to be rode 24/7. Give the girl a break!! Instead of asking questions to total stangers.. Talk to your lady.. I've been married 7 years and it's not easy. With out communication, she'll never know.

Answer 7

You guys need some major couple counseling!

Maybe you don't inspire her to have sex.

Start a slow seduction that start in the morning and by night time she is almost begging you.

The mistake with many married people is that they stop seducing each other

Answer 8

Sex is a habit!!!Try to spice things up somewhat.Ask her what she likes and dislikes.Try buying some toys and lotions.Watch a porn together and if she does'nt get turned on then just jerk off in front of her.If you have never done this before she might be surprised, but so what.She'll get interested in what your doing and lend a hand.Believe me

Answer 9

Dear friend,
Did you consider other options as the causes for this problem? I have been in this same situation with my husband for years now and my problem in losing my sex drive for him was that we were living with our in-laws for a long time and they caused us so much problems and fights amongst ourselves that today even that he and I are living separately from our in-laws I keep on remembering the 'abusing' him and not the 'loving' him. I have discussed the problem straight forward with him and he understands. But my friends have also suggested counsellors for us. Please do not leave this untreated, your wife may just have to fantasize to please you sexually and the problems remaining unsolved.

Answer 10

Ok, so me and your wife are possibly in the same boat...I'm 22...my husband is 40...yes, I married someone almost twice my age...before we got married you couldn't keep us apart...after we got married its been like "ho-hum" and it ain't him. I also know that me and my husband had a lot of stress thrown on our shoulders right after we got married (my stepson who is 14 came to live with us...and it was the first time living with his dad since he was 2)...see if maybe she has a lot of stress on her shoulders right now...that could always be the problem...you never know...