I like my privacy... is that a problem??

Question

So I've realized that not only do I have a fear of commitment (I'm almost 21 years old, have been to 4 different colleges, can't stick w/a major... have been cheated on and can't trust people now because of it)...

But I also am very private. I had a friend in my room today using my computer and I just hated that she was on MY computer... that's MY personal thing, you know? I just don't feel comfortable with people touching my stuff, being in my room. I'm not like some creepy person with anything to hide haha. I just don't like it.

Any suggestions how I can like get over this? Or how I can get over the fear of commitment thing? I do have clinical depression and I am seeing a therapist and am on Wellbutrin... (wow, I'm pretty messed up, huh?)

Any help would definitely be appreciated :)

Answer 1

I would never let anyone else use my pc because of how expensive it is and people dont take care of other peoples things. They will download anything on someone elses pc. So I dont blame you for that. Tell your friends NO on the pc. They sure arent gonna pay to replace it.

As far as committment I dont know but I wish you well and hope you find what you need.

Answer 2

I can understand abt the privacy thing....I don't much like ppl using my stuff either, but I would prefer they ask me first. And then I keep a close eye to see how they're using it, if they're careful, its ok. Otherwise, next time I just make up excuses to keep them away.

You haven't mentioned why you've changed colleges 4 times. Abt the major thing, I understand that too.....not everyone is born knowing exactly what they want to do...so hang in there. Getting over fear of commitment and trust...well at the end of the day, it all comes down to you....therapy only helps you get stronger and make better choices, but its not like someone else will assume the decision-making responsibility for you.

So I'd say....take a look around you....you maybe depressed, but hey, you can afford to change colleges, you can afford therapy....you can afford a computer :) so I don't think you're in a financial crunch....there are so many ppl far worse off than you are, who don't have the luxury of time or money to decide what they want to do. Be thankful for what you do have....you're only 21...you're starting your life...learn to stay positive and count your blessings. Good luck and cheer up!

Answer 3

I completely understand about how you feel in regards to people touching your personal belongings or invading your space. I feel the same. I think mine stems from childhood when my mom always used to go through my things and read my diary etc. I also don't have anything to hide, I just enjoy my privacy and hate people who just come in and help themselves or take over.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to get over it, but the fear of commitment...well, always start out with someone as friends. When you feel things want to move beyond this stage (this is probably when you make your exit) Then instead of running away, just take things very slowly and explain to the girl that you have issues and you need time and space to take things gradually at a pace that is comfortable for you. If she really likes you, she will be patient. Carry on with the therapist and with his help and a little self-help, you'll be fine in no time. Just take it slow and don't rush things...Rome wasn't built in a day. All the best!

Answer 4

First off: I think its fine to set rules about friends not using your computer. They'll respect that rule if they respect you.

Second: I'm exactly the same way - I'm 20 and I've job hopped so many times. And I am very private and almost antisocial when I'm home. I have a job where I deal with people constantly and then I get home and my roommate wants to socialize - I usually just brush her off.
But on the other hand, I'm highly social and I have a ton of friends. But I dont really call them in the middle of the week that much. But I hang out with them on the weekends. They know this about me, and they have learned to accept it.
And I'm really self-conscious and whenever my defenses are down and I'm out of my comfort zone, I'm pretty awkward.
And when a guy gets too close, I'll get the knee-jerk reaction of pushing him away abruptly.

The main way that I have gotten over some of my commitment and social issues is having my friends knock me out of my comfort zone repeatedly. And I naturally gravitate towards people that do that. It helps desensitize you against the uncomfortableness. And once I calm down enough, I realize that I'm having fun.

The commitment issue? Well, I haven't found any fix for that yet, sorry.

Answer 5

You're already seeing somone so relax and let it play out. It's possible if not probable that your response to someone using your computer was a function of your depression. You are young and are in the midst of taking a few swings at bat. It's particularly important that you allow yourself the opportunity to learn-you're in college (doesn't really matter which one ;) so allow yourself that luxury and learn how you want deal with things in addition to learning about the 3 Rs.
Depression is a biological issue so getting over it means: vigorously monitoring your thinking and applying the thinking techniques your therapist offers; and trying the appropriate meds; that will see you through.
P.S. few folks qvetch about how long it will take to heal from a broken leg etc.-we're not there with depression yet but we soon will be. You're dealing with a biological issue so try and treat it that way.

Answer 6

You might be overreacting a bit, but you're on the right track. Trusting someone else doesn't mean you have to stop being you, or give away your pc's secrets, your possessions etc.
I like people; but they're disappointed me for years--so I don't "trust them".
You need to remember you live in space-time--you're "asserting" your selfhood in reality whether there are other people around or not. People can make your life richer, more interesting or poorer and worse. But they can't replace you.

Simple suggestion: save up money and go to a conference, such as the Popular Culture Association in Las Vegas, etc. It's a way to have your own room, talk to people if you want to, hear good and bad ideas--and be among your own kind: people who think.
Or join a group for your own reason, and get people experience. You need contacts, experience, people who make your life richer, not poorer; you don't need more bad experiences.
Hint: honest people know the difference between science and their opinions--hang out with the honest.

Answer 7

You have to realize that life is contact. You can hide in your room, if you want, but what kind of life is that?

Commitment is tied in with closeness and intimacy and that, perhaps scares you. You are safe in your room, where you believe you have full control. You must learn to trust and take an chance, even if it means you will be hurt and disappointed

Answer 8

I think you are just fine... it's everyone else who's f--ked up.

< peace >