Serious Question for the ladies. How would you feel?

Question

When I married my wife she was a package deal. Daughter and mother in law. Daughter cause she is under age and mother in law cause she is disable. After my wife and I married we bought a home and were taking care of her mom since she really has no one else to look after her or anyone willing to do so.

However I was unfortunetly enough to loose my wife to a fatal car accident. Now I am taking care of her daughter since the dad was never in the picture and also found myself caring for her mom. I do not mind this as they do help around the house and at least I get warm meals and laundry is done, house is clean.

I am still young 37 y/o and eventually would like to start another relationship when I feel ready to move on. My question is , If it was you the one I started to date and presented you with the situation, what reaction should I expect and what could I say to ease the fact that my mother in law lives with me?

No I am not making this up for the one that asked. Also the mother was the one that brought this issue to me and she seemed ok with it. I personally wont be ready for anyone for a long while. A few years but this question was also asked to me by a coworker on how would I deal. And it got me wondering.

Daughter is 14 and yes I do consider her as my own. As for the mother in law I own a 2 story home so she uses the upstairs while I live downstairs. Just share common places , we get along just fine. I know that it will not be easy for anyone to accept this as they would aautomatically would feel judge but I am just wondering what should I expect when telling a person I choose to date this situation.

Thank you all for your responces. I am a bit releaved that there was not too much negative responce. Which it is expected not all want to deal with this. And yes I would definetly divulge this info within a few dates before any major feeling are develop so the person is free to choose wether to continue the relationship. I would like the same courtesy if the sheo was on th eother foot. Thanks again. =)

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear about your wife. You must have really loved her to have her daughter and mother live with you guys. If your mother-in-law is one of the people who asked you to consider this, she must view you more as a son than her daughter's husband. This is a good thing!!

Personally, I think you're a knight in shining armor!!! It shows tons of integrity in you that you still care for your step-daughter and mother-in-law. I think the reaction from most women would be sympathetic and respectful. Keep in mind, though, that this is a lot to ask of someone. If she can't handle it, then it's her loss, not yours. It takes a loving someone a lot to take all that on. Whenever you are ready to date, do it slowly. Maybe it's a good idea to not come out and tell everything at first. Ease into it. Make sure she's the kind of girl who could handle it mentally and emotionally. Meaning that she wouldn't be trying to compete with the ghost of your wife. Someone who wouldn't be able to take all that responsibility would think she was competing.

Good luck, honey. I wish you well!!

Answer 2

Well I would think that you were a great guy for doing what you are doing. It would be like a guy getting involved with a female that had other kids by another man in away, it is a package deal.

The one thing that you do need to do is when you do find someone that you are interested in, you do need to let them know up front what is in store for them. Don't spring the surprise on them after you have been seeing each other for awhile.

I do think you are a great guy for doing this and will make someone a great husband again some day. And here all this time I thought all the good guys were all gone.

Answer 3

Does your mother-in-law live with you? That's a little weird. No offense to you, because you are doing a wonderful thing. If your mother in law is unable to care for herself, maybe you could find a nice community for her to live in. It isn't mean, and she may make some new friends. As far as the daughter, if she is old enough she needs to get a job and move out anyway. If not, don't worry about it. Most women around your age are going to have children of their own anyway. I wouldn't expect a woman to want to move in with you your mother in law is there.

Answer 4

There will be some women who resist the idea, and others who embrace it. You've got to know for yourself which kind you want in your life. Anyone who does not accept what you present is not the kind you want in your life. This is not a stick-in-the-mud approach to life, just a fact. If they cannot and/or will not accept your situation then trust that there will be someone who does.
I'll pass on some wise advice that a friend once gave me,
sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find the handsome prince (or in your case beautiful princess). It's true, the really good ones are sometimes a little harder to find.

Answer 5

I'm assuming you get along great with both of them from what you wrote, so if that is the case, if you told me for the first time, I would expect to meet them if we were to take this relationship farther. If mom-in-law and step-daughter accept me, I see no problem. It is always assumed mother-in-laws are a pain but I lost mine 2 yrs ago and she was the ultimate cool old lady at 81 yrs old. You could party with her like she was a 20 yr old, very young at heart. It is a difficult situation you are in and you need to set good examples for the daughter, especially. Just be yourself, explain your situation, and if the woman you are with really shows compassion and support, then the relationship is meant to be. I wish you the best of luck. I'd be honored to date you if avail. My hubby was taking care of his parents when we met and I had a son that he accepted and his parents were nicer to me than my own. Great luck to you!

Answer 6

It says a lot about your character but not every woman wants a former mother in law and a step daughter. You say the the mother in law is disabled so I'm wondering if perhaps she is eligible for subsided housing and social assistance payments. Is it possible for you to build a separate suite for her?
Have you brought up this subject with your mother in law? Has it ever occurred to you that she may not want to live with you if you start dating and find someone new. A frank discussion with her might clarify things for you and for her.

Answer 7

Your a very good to person to keep caring for your mother in law and step daughter. So sorry for loss. I wouldn't worry about what people especially women will think about your situation. Sometime when you least expect it a special woman will walk to life and see what a wonderful guy you are. Don't worry about the future for it will take of itself. Enjoy life now.

Answer 8

When you feel ready to tell your date, sit them down, and explain to them what has been going on in your past. If I was the chick that you were dating, I would fully understand and accept what you are doing. Not all men would take in a mother in law and a daughter. I would not see anything wrong with it, I would be happy for you and what you are doing for these people

Answer 9

I agree with both Wingless & Junebug...

I would think you are an incredible man, and it would actually be a "plus" in my mind. And Junebug has a good point -- MIL may feel better with giving you more space anyway in that situation. I imagine that if you have been this good to her and her granddaughter, she would do whatever to return that kindness to you, and allow you to graceously move on with your life with as little interferance as possible. As for the daughter, I think it's sweet that you remain her constant rock in her life -- she has lost both of her natural parents, and if Grandma is also not in the best of health -- she really needs you in her life.

You are a wonderful man, and your next princess is out there... no worries.
HUGS to you : )

Answer 10

I unfortunately wouldn't date you because that's a lot of baggage. Not to mention you probably still love your wife. I'd feel like second best. And what if the mother in law and daughter didn't like me............you need to find yourself a very special girl who you can be friends with first and who knows and understands your situation.