Married 13 years, together 20. It all started to fall apart with lies (her), and lack of trust (me of her). We all know, with lack of trust, and a track record of lies, stupid things are said and done (both of us). I am trying to reconcile, especially with the Holidays and all, but she offers no help, I ask questions and she has no answers, quit wearing her wedding ring, but still active in bed (could be guilt). I do want to try, and have told her so, but she seems hesitant to participate, I feel like she wants me to cave in and offer up the farm (not gonna happen). I asked for a divorce and she said she would if I wanted, but wont say if its what she wants, ultimately, I just want a resolution, one way or the other. Its been going on a few years now and the end of it all would still be better than the daily B.S., but I just cant get her to talk about it. Any ideas????
2006-11-14 14:32:25 · 11 answers · asked by theun4gvn9599 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If she doesn't talk there is no way to fix things...It may be better for your sanity to separate...
2006-11-14 15:04:11 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a game you two have going! You two have let this BS go on to far. Sounds like one of you are wanting for the other to take the full rap for the whole mess! From where either of you are standing now, either one doesn't have much to lose, except of course what you mentioned. So, I suppose the farm would have to be sold? But than, why would you two still be "making love?" Manipulation is a very dishonest game. Never a winner .....Without TRUST IN a marriage, you have nothing! Why all the immature games? Why so hurtful to each other? If this isn't what YOU want, why are YOU participating in it at all? EGO? Stop, today, yesterday, let her play this silly game by herself. It won't be fun anymore than. IGNORE her completely until she's willing to talk this completely out with you, if she doesn't-I'd say you have your answer..
2006-11-14 15:03:27 · answer #2 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Took me a good few years of putting up with a lot of BS before I finally had enough and called it quits.
Before it ended someone told me that when it was time to end it, I would just know. At the time I thought, "what a stupid answer".
When it was time to end it, sure enough, I knew!
All I can suggest is, trust your feelings, and try to honestly answer the question, what's really keeping you there?
Believe me, it was not an easy decision that I came to, but after living in a situation very similar to yours, I finally got to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's been over 6 years now, and my only regret was in not having moved on sooner. Until you're out of it, you don't really realize what a waste of time it is to try to make something work that just isn't.
Hope this lightens your load somewhat.
2006-11-14 14:42:25 · answer #3 · answered by CarolynJayne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What had she lied about & why do u not trust her???.. Is she deceitful or are you one of those jealous control freaks....Sometimes people want out but because they care enough about someones well being they cant just break it off and hurt them....or maybe she cant afford to live without financial support if you are divorced.....Why dont you both go get some counseling....It can really help you know.......And why do guys always think women just want all their stuff....(or "farm) or whatever you call it.......Only knowing few details and only one side of this thing,,,,hard to know what ideas to give you!
2006-11-14 14:58:29 · answer #4 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like with all the back and forth stuff, you are both playing games and shouldn't you both just grow up and decide to stay married or not. If you've been together 20 years then something must have been right, at some time.
Maybe you've just grown apart and it's time to move on. I
think you are waiting for her to make the choice and it's gotta be both of you making that choice.
2006-11-14 14:57:35 · answer #5 · answered by frustrated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I, like CarolynJa, had a similar situation where he wouldn't say what he wanted and wouldn't get counseling, just wouldn't talk about it. Sometimes you have to just move on. I never figured out why he wouldn't just say what he was feeling or thinking, then it dawned on me, maybe he really didn't know (duh). I was also tired of being sick and tired and going round and round. When I finally divorced him, he didn't even bother to come to the court date, then asked me later "Did you get YOUR divorce??
Go figure. Get the hell out an find somebody who appreciates you.
2006-11-14 14:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer and work things out for a divorce.
2006-11-14 18:35:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree couseling could be worth a try if she is willing to go, maybe being on neutral territory with a mediator would help.
if she refuses counseling and will still not make any effort to repair your marriage then it would be best to move on.
2006-11-14 14:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by gypse76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a third party to help you. Someone you can both talk to together or individually.
2006-11-14 14:49:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling, if that fails, then it is up to you if you want to stay or not, good luck.
2006-11-14 15:12:14 · answer #10 · answered by some1invegas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋