he reads my mail, my e-mail, he reads my text messages, he will stop at nothing. I am almost ready to leave him over it . I am so sick of it!!!! I have no privacy. I have tried councelling, and he won't ever go back, and I have tried asking...complaining...crying... threatening. whats more is... he is a computer programmer and he "claims" that no matter how many times I change my password, he can still get inot anything. is he lying about that ??? what should i do....it's obvious he doesnt trust me and never will. we were both unfaithfull to eachother a few years back... so do I have to suffer with no privacy FOREVER now???
2006-11-14 13:34:59 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have three choices. Leave him. Continue a life time of fighting over this or Learn to live with it gracefully.
I personally consider a computer a private conversation like a phone call or a letter addressed to me.
It is obvious that he isn't going to changed. He seems obcessed with it and very insecure in his place in your life.
What should happen and what will happen are two different things.
As his wife you really shouldn't be typing anything that isn't something he can read, but then there are times you want to chat with a gf about your marriage or a family member.
Thus, again your choices. It seems like he isn't going to change. So you either get used to it and have a sense of humor about it or you leave.
Oh, one more option I just thought of. You get your own computer. Take it with you where ever you go.
And a message to hubby....you keep this up and she woudn't want to be in your arms becasue they are choking and smothering her.
And to her,,, you can change him, but you can change who you react to him.
Good luck.
2006-11-14 13:43:55 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what, you both cheated on each other and that is a very hard thing to get over. I have been cheated on my self, I on the other hand do NOT believe in cheating period!!!
If you have nothing to hide...why are you throwing such a fit about it for? My boyfriend can look at my mail, email, cell phone, purse, etc. Anything and everything that I have got is open for him to look at anytime anywhere he wants. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE PERIOD!!!!
If you have nothing to hide, stop throwing a fit!!! The more you whine and gripe about him doing that, the more he is going to think that you have something to hide. Just be quit and let him look at anything that you have. He will stop looking after awhile when you stop gripping about it and when he don't find anything. It WILL NOT happen over night, but it will happen when you stop throwing a fit and have your life out on the table where he can see it. But this ALSO applies to him as well. Have an open book policy with you both. Just stop throwing a fit!!
2006-11-14 14:11:00 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have anything my husband couldn't look at,I tell him the passwords , we share mail boxes , we talk about who and what ever we are doing . I don't feel I need privacy from my husband , he's my partner (exept in the bathroom) But trust is a major requirement and love and equal partner in marriage.If you don't have those two things,you don't have much of a marriage , If you have enough love to hang in there trust should heal in time.
2006-11-14 13:49:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its odvious he has some serious trust issues. If you betrayed his trust once before, then you have to earn it back. Who knows how long that will take and no matter what you say or do its up to him.
If you never have done anything to betray his trust and he is still acting like that maybe you need to take a little break from him for him to realize that your privacy is important and even though you did marry for life you demand your respect.
Just another key thought: Maybe he is STILL accusing you because he is STILL guilty....
Good luck
2006-11-14 13:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by kaliprincess82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well.
Sometimes one person can love the other soooo much that they are very scared of losing that person.
They become their own enemy by trying to make sure that they will not lose you, but in the meantime, it is their own efforts of ensuring that they wont lose you that will cross the line (your personal freedom) and drive you away.
I believe the man really loves you, but is insecure and thinks you are either still CHEATING, or plan on leaving.
You said you both cheated! He may be having a hard time with that even though he cheated as well.
Good luck.
Is that your real picture?
2006-11-14 14:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by scott in minnesota 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't sound like a marriage, it sounds like prison! There is no trust and no real communication between the two of you. The fact that both of you cheated on each other is a sign that there is no true commitment either. I think the best thing would be to leave - the love is long gone.
2006-11-14 13:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. But you've both proven to be unfaithful to one another and the mistrust is there.
Is it an open email policy - do you have access his also? If not, then I would probably leave if it bothered me that much. The bigger issue is control.
Abt the computer, If he has a key logger program, he can keep track of every keystroke.
2006-11-14 13:41:50 · answer #7 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I feel for you! He's not ever gonna change, he doesn't trust you and he's probably thinking that your doing something behind his back. Like you said you both were unfaithful, do you trust him? Do you give him privacy? I guess your either gonna keep taking it or your not. If i were you I would end this relationship because it doesn't get better just worse! Been there done that! Well good luck girl!
2006-11-14 13:52:29 · answer #8 · answered by fairyjin1971 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had a husband that followed me to the grocery store (to make sure that is where I went), called my boss at work (to make sure I was really there), showed up at the bowling alley (to make sure I was with my team). No matter where I went, he followed or called. There is only so much distrust you can take, and then you have to leave.
If it is just computer snooping, go to the library and use their computers.
2006-11-14 13:42:55 · answer #9 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is faithful to you then let him snoop. If you are faithful to him you shouldn't have anything to hide from him. As for e-mails, do you know that you can have more than one account? Let him snoop on the one that he knows about using it for e-mails which you don't mind him reading and using another account which he doesn't know about for your private matters.
Regarding mails and text messages, do you really have something to hide? If so, then you are the one who is the sneaky one. You really should have no reasons to hide any text messages from him if you are not scr*wing around.
FYI my spouse has access to my mails, e-mails and text messages and vice versa. We have no secrets.
2006-11-14 18:58:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋