I have such strict parents! teens or parents, help!!!!?

Question

I have a lot of friends that are boys and I try not to show my parents that I do becuase whenever I come back from a co-ed party my dad goes "dance with any boys? better not've" or..like..my mom will go "do you lik eanyboys??"
GR! ITS NOT FUNNY. ITS REALLY ANNOYING!
and when I ask, can I meet blah..thats a boy..they go..why? I'm like, cuz they're a friend, and they go why are you friends with a boy and go into the do you like him blahblahblahbalhbal thing..and then, I never get to go unless i don't tell them a guy's gonna be there, like, sneaking out..i guess..only by saying "my friend thats a GIRL will be there"..and then we call the guys and meet up..which I've done before, and it's worked but I'm sick of going through all that trouble!
I want my parents to figure out that people in my grade DO have boyfriends, made out in stuff..which I'm not really into, but..
I want my parents to realize that I DO have friend's that just happen to be boys, i mean i'm 13, and not plannin on sex!!

Answer 1

OK, I have an 18 yr old boy. I had him when I was 15 yrs old. Needless to say it's been interesting:)
I believe I've done a good job - I've tried hard. The subject you are talking about was the thing I was MOST worried about for obvious reasons.

Because of my own childhood I knew there were things that contributed to my behavior that were NOT issues for my son and believed I would be making a big mistake if I freaked out and made his life so strict and controlled it was unbearable.

I just got real open with him and talked to him. ABOUT EVERYTHING! That's my suggestion for you with your parents.
Believe it or not sweetie - THEY DO LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD AT THIS POINT... They want you safe. If you can try to keep that in mind and WORK WITH THEM instead of you working against each other.

1st sit down and decide what 2 things are bothering you more than anything else. WRITE IT DOWN, it's easy to get off track when you get emotional, so make a little list of what you feel are your key points and what it is that is bothering you. I heard from what you said that the way they kind of mock you asking about boys and laughing or making it a joke/teasing you - is bothersome and makes you want to tell them nothing - if not smack them! LOL if I understood correctly.

So think it over and approach them prepared!

2nd - ask them to set a time to talk - "I need what could turn into a couple hours of your time. I'd like it uninterupted."
Then tell them... I have some things I need to say to you. I want us to be closer, things aren't like they used to be - when I was little I could talk to you about everything and you could almost always fix it. It feels like I can't talk to you about anything now - the things important to me you both seem to find funny and use it to tease me and make me feel stupid. I want to know I can talk to you and trust you not to freak out, and I want you to know me, and know in your heart you can trust me - Please let me get all this out before you reply - but I will listen to everything you have to say also -
I am getting older, I think I deserve more independance. It's frustrating, and embarrassing. I don't know if you try to embarrass me about boys becuase you think it's cute or amuses you to make me feel uncomfortable and stupid? But please understand, when you make light of my feelings, when you ask about boys by mocking me - if you are hoping that I will answer you truthfully - that's a pretty silly way to ask!
I know to you it's very scary too - I'm sure you look at me and still see your baby - and you want to hold on tighter. I am growing up and getting older but things don't have to change SO MUCH between us unless you want them too.
1st thing, in case you have any doubts daddy I am still a virgin and I'm have no plans to change that in the near future - In fact I believe "___" (tell them what you believe about sex, marriage, birth control... )
2nd. I would really love it if you guys could be my primary source of information about boys, dating, sex, I know you love me, I know my future is TRULY important to you, and I know you know more than the kids at school. If you are willing to put stop being so worried I will grow up and accept the fact that I am - just talk to me like a person - I think things will go so much smoother over the next 5 yrs.

What are you guys so scared of?Is it me you don't trust or the boys?

** This is what my son and I did and it worked really well for us - accept it was kinda the other way with me talking to him - but I think your parents should respond to being talked to - most parents would appreciate an invitation into their childs life - you have to be willing to compromise and hear them too:)

I am a grown woman & a mother - I will be honest with you, it's hard for ME to stop sometimes when you get with someone you like and are kissing and holding each other.

At your age - with your hormones doing what they are - it can be almost impossible... I know that from experience too. Not to say it IS impossible - but why make yourself have to try?!?

Ask your parents what will be acceptable for them - for me and my son I told him I would not be comfortable with him being ALONE unsupervised on a date until he was a lot older - we'd talk about it in a few yrs.
But at 13-15 he couldn't drive anyway - so if I took him and picked up whoever, I promised I would say almost nothing:) Drop them off at a movie, skating, whatever and pick them up when it was over.
OR - he could go on group things if he and another friend wanted to arrange to meet up with a couple of girls, or I'd be happy to drive - I just needed to know where they would be, who they'd be with, and he needed to keep his cell phone on so I could check in. Also I usually was in contact with 1 or 2 of the other parents.

Just tell them what you said here to us.
What I said above is just what I got from what you said and what I imagine you feel.

If they don't respond well to you approaching them in such a mature manner and don't feel compelled to answer you openly and honestly. I would let them know how truly disappointed you are and go to bed - maybe try once more...

As your parents - all we want is to keep you safe. It might feel like it's personal, or that it's you having fun they don't want. It's not. We don't know what we're doing either - we're figuring it out as we go... But most of us watch the news and see the stories about the 13 yr old girls stolen from the mall or as they walked home - or children being molested - being offered drugs and having permanent brain damage from the 1st try - kids killed in drunk driving accidents. Chances are you parents believe the best way to keep you safe is to be sure they keep you from all that.

Show them that's not true - the best way to keep you safe is by helping to guide you - letting you take steps toward independance while you still have guidance. Show them your maturity, that they can trust you. If they are good parents and honest with themselves - it may take them a little time - but they probably will.

Answer 2

They DO know that people in your grade have boyfriends and girlfriends and that is what they are fearful of. Personally, you are probably too young to be meeting up with guys and going out by yourself with other people. Your parents just want the best for you and I think you should be honest with them. If you hide that you are hanging out with other guys and they find out (which they will) you are going to be in so much trouble.

Your parents just seem like they like to know about your personal life and realize you are coming to the age where you find guys cute and want a boyfriend and all of that which is scary for a lot of parents. Just be honest with them and tell them that you would like to be friends with people, boys and girls, and that should not matter to them. Tell them that if you are interested in a boy you will let them know you have a boyfriend and keep them informed (to an extent). Lying is just going to get you in trouble and being honest will help develop a better relationship with them and they will be able to trust you more! They might loosen up a bit!

Answer 3

First of all no one plans on having sex but it's cool that you know your not ready.If your parents are so worried see if you can invite the boys over to your house to meet the parents let them get to know each other and by showing your parents such maturity maybe then they will trust you to go out alone.

Answer 4

They are just concerned. I have a 13 year old and during the week there is really no social time. On the weekend she is gone or there are people at my house.

Just be patient you don't understand now, but you will one day when you have kids. Why don't you invite a boy over and hang out, watch a movie or whatever and then they can see how you are on a friends level and not a "boyfriend" level.

Think of it as a training program - eventually they will get it but they can only learn slowly.

Answer 5

Strict parents? My daughter who will be 15 her next birthday would laugh at you. She wouldn't be allowed to go to a party period unless I meet the parents at their home, get to know them and their lifestyles, along with the "new" friend. As a matter of fact, other than spend the night at a girl friends house where the parents are personal friends, she's never even been allowed to go to a party. She recently asked about a new year's eve party. I don't know the girl. I have to get to know everyone involved before I would even think of allowing her to go. My daughter says I am strict and I am. The funny thing is? Her friends love me and think I am the coolest mom. If you think about it, you know your parents love and are concerned about you if they ask the five q's who, what, when, why and where. Every teen wants to know they are loved.

Answer 6

I don't know why parents and other grown ups always ask kids and teens if they're dating anyone, or who their girl/boy friend is. They wouldn't ask the same question of their adult friends, would they? Parents, of course, are worse because they want to protect you and keep you safe. They are also trying to be a part of your life when you are starting to be more independent.

I think if you were going to a party it's reasonable to tell them who's throwing the party and give them the address/phone number. If you're going out in a group of friends, they're going to be curious who you're with, so would it hurt to give them the first names of who you'll be with, or where you're going to go?

Have you told them the last couple of sentences you wrote above? If they understood where you were coming from/what your feelings about boys are, then it might help them relax a little.

Answer 7

your parents are havin a difficult time with the fact you need more freedom now your getting older, my dad did the same thing to me!! tell them how you feel about this if your are able to, if not go out with your friends, as long as you are sensible, your parents will eventually get the picture and leave the subject alone.

Answer 8

You parents are not the least bit strict! Grow up. And if you keep sneaking out they will find out eventually and you will be in big, big trouble.

Answer 9

Just tell them you are having sex with every boy in school...HHAHAHAHA JK.... They just want to know if you are interested in boys lol... OHHH I HAVE THE PERFECT PLAN!!! Ok tell them that you are lesbian hahaha then they will have to let you ONLY hang out with boys!! JK dont do that either... My mom is like that too and i just tell her that me and blah,blah,blah are going and if i throw a boy in there then there are already girls going so its not like we will be alone lol. :////

Answer 10

As you get older things will change, I really think your making it a bigger deal than it is, but you are only 13.

Answer 11

yeah, umm my sister and i had a lot of guy friends when we were that age and still do now, but it is the fact that they are your parents and love you and want to keep a close eye on you. you cant do much about it, but your parents love you so there really isnt anything that you can do.