He's not interrested in sex?

Question

My husband is a truck driver and away from home for long periods of time. We have been married 22yrs and for the past 5 he has not wanted any kind of sex with me. We never have had a real active sex life but now it is non-excistant. (not by my choice). He is always making excuses ie: "If I don't have it, then I don't need it" or "no, the kids are down the hall" and of course.."I'm tired". Is this normal? Am I crazy for putting up with this? I am tired of begging. I'm only in my early 40's and have tried for so long to make this marriage work. Did I mention that he had a 2yr affair 5yrs after we were married and I was pregnant with out 2nd child? So I know he has a sex drive. This has caused me such heart ache. Please give me your honest opinion. I am desperate!

Answer 1

I think you should walk away. It is hard enough to deal with him away all the time then on top of that he does not pay attention to you sexually. It is not fair to you and it is time for you to put yourself first. It is hard to believe that he would have no interest in the person that he is supposed to love. It is completely unacceptable and you will be a better person for walking away. I know 22 years is a long time to be married with a lot of time invested, but five years with no sex is insane and there are many men out there that will give you the love and attention you deserve. You have given him 22 years with trust while he is on the road and forgiveness for his affair and he repays you this way? You have every right to be angry and every right to happiness. I know the feeling, even though mine was in a short relationship, i went crazy wondering why he was not interested in me. It destroyed my self esteem and made me crazy with jealousy and worry. I know what you are going through and you don't deserve it.

Answer 2

While is is possible for men to loose their sex drive it is rare.
What truly happens is they loose desire. The women they once couldn't get enough of just doesn't look so good anymore.

I am not saying that is the case here. I truly hope not. But it sounds like it.

Now there are many reasons why that can happen. 22 years of marriage is a long time. If he had one affair what is to keep him from having more? Could he have one right now without you knowing about it?

If he is strongly attracted to someone else and is getting the sex he needs there then coming home would not be easy. Remember a man truly has to be aroused for it to work for him. A man can't fake it like women can. So if he knows....for whatever reason that it isn't coming up he will have to have some excuse.

If you were in your upper 50's or 60's then this could be normal. Not all the time but much less than it use to be. But at your age....well I think you need to find out what is going on with him.
You already have the heartache so all you have to do is make sure it is for a reason.

Answer 3

Yeah, you both need to see a family and marriage counselor. He may need it more than you, but don't tell him that. I doubt if he will agree to go unless he feels that he wants the marriage to work. Apparently he is satisfied with things now. I think he has fallen out of love with you. It is very easy for a man to do. Work can destroy a marriage.
You may actually want to explore the idea of leaving him. If he is not interested in sex, is gone a lot, and has had other sexual parterners in the past-I would think your marriage was over. But Why does he come home at all? That is a good starting place--just ask him why he comes home? Maybe that will open up the dialog between you on this matter.

Answer 4

I think that you deserve happiness
and it serems to me that if you had an affair
so long as you did not let it interfere with your familial obligations
that he would be okay with it. Of course if you are not this type of person and believe that it would be easier for you to end the relationship and find happiness with someone else then perhaps that is what you should do I do not think that he is going to come home one day and all of a sudden want to reignite the Passion again so to reiterate your choices are
1. Accept things as they are and have a dicreet affair.
2. Accept things as they are and be sexually frustrated and miserable
3. Leave the relationship and try to find happiness with someone else
bottom line, unless he has some kind of impotence issue that he rather not discuss, then there is nothing you can do to change his mind or stir his interest.

Answer 5

Well if he had sex drive back then and had an affair for 2 yrs does not mean that he has one now...................but he still is a truck diver and could have a sex life out side of the house. Might try hiring a private detective to check it out if you have the funds. I wish the best to you and hope that it is what he says and not another woman. Some men also make up those excuses because they have erectile dysfunction and do not want to admit it.

Answer 6

The stereotype re: truck drivers isn't pretty...and while it may not be that he's got other women out there, it should be completely unacceptable that he won't have sex with you.

Talk to him about getting counseling...his excuses are just that...and to be honest, it doesnt' sound like he cares for you much anymore...perhaps the love is gone for him, and it's just the comfort of familiarity now...

Don't settle...if he won't work toward making a positive change...then perhaps you should think of moving on...this life is too short to settle or be unhappy, especially when there are so many other options in this world

Answer 7

i am so sorry to hear that. i think that since he cheated the first time you should have gotten a hint. may be is has a double like and thats why he dosent want to have sex with you or it might be that he has a virus for haven affairs. i think that u should bring this up with him becasue its not only destroying your life but waisting your time because one wants to grow old with someone they know is going to be with them in the time of need. may be he is a good guy i am not saying anything about that but you are young and u can still meet other guys and date and have a satisfying like. i think that u should have a talk with him and tell him to let u know what is going on with him. do not pressure him to tell u do not tell himm all mad or crying just simply let him know how u feel and they way that is hurting u. Sometimes people say more stuff in writting i would also recommed writing him a letter expressing how u fell and after u write that letter give him a choise to either write back on wat he feels or let u know what is going on with him... good luck.. hope that everything works out..

Answer 8

Maybe he's sleeping with prostitutes on the road (a LOT of truck drivers do that - that's why some truck driver's wives end up becoming his co-driver, so she's out on the road with him, and he can't cheat on her)

Or, worse yet, he might have a mistress on the road (does he always drive the same route, to the same cities? maybe he has a girlfriend on the other end of his route)

Answer 9

Once a cheat always a cheat, especially if he was in 2yr affair behind your back...YUK and whilst you were pregnant with 2nd child..Golly this is a JERRY SPRINGER MOMENT...Jerry Jerry Jerry...

Sorry for being cynical but aren;t you hanging in for a lost cause?

Seems like he is getting it elsewhere maybe another family altogether as often happens with long haul truckies...

Time to make a decision DO YOU WANT THIS MAN???he is treating you like a doormat U can and will do better....good luck♥

Answer 10

Talk with your husband about the two of you seeing a family/marriage counselor. This unhappy marriage cannot continue the ways it's going. A sexless marriage is only good if that is what both partners desire and it is highly unusual especially for someone your age. Something is very wrong with this picture, and I'm wondering if your husband is being totally honest with you.