Lazy workmate and non understanding line manager?

Question

Hi, help me please. Stressed from work and have been off for 2 weeks, mainly because i suffered a miscarriage and secondly due to stress. Workmate gets away with murder and my line manager has doen f all about it. was told to sort out the problem on our own.what do i do? I need some inner strength, but lack a bit of self confidence

Can I also add,t hat I have heard that someone is telling people at work , people who dont need to know, about my miscarriage.isnt this a breach of confidentiality?

to al those who are saying, "get another job" My work is funding my degree and it isnt always that easy to find a new job! I have spoken to the person politely as well, he was a friend but that blew up in my face.

Answer 1

Well, you have already nailed it pretty well, and under the circumstances you are doing a whale of a lot better managing this that I ever would! You're further ahead of the game than you realize. You are also tired and need a breather. You need to schedule some down time for just you. You are the one that is important here. And self care is job one. Always. You have been ambushed, so when that happens you always step back and regroup. And the best way to self care your way through this one is to be by or hang around yourself a little more. Find your center once again. Centering. A wonderful concept. And correct, too, on every level. Diet, bubble baths, rest, fresh air, cleaning your bedroom, checking your wardrobe and getting free of old stuff you will never wear again - in other words, spend a little time reinventing yourself. You are already pretty strong because you have a good mind with which to sort out all this foolishness and get your bearings, but the unfortunate truth in life is that when we are tired, anyone can take a whack at us and it is like they could blow us over with a feather. You can feel that sensitive, and it is because you are smart, really. It is the downside of being smart. You can be too sensitive. So when you find your center once again you will also find more strength to call this what it is: abuse. Others here on Yahoo! Answers are giving you some fine answers about actions you can take, but I am focusing solely on you taking care of you. Self care. Make more time to pamper yourself and start feeling good about who you really are, because look at what you are doing here: you are working on your degree. I mean, my God, all this other chaff is just fuel. Be very alert and see it for what it is - a prime distraction and begin - just begin, to look for a better place to bring yourself for work. That does not, fortunately, need to be put in place before the end of the week. If worse comes to worse, you can just walk away. A social worker once told me, "Chris, sometimes all you can do is walk away." I never forgot that one. Under most circumstances, I get the impression you are normally extremely self-reliant and independent of mind, so it is probably just because this whole mess has worn you down a bit that feeling it is a lilttle rough on you right now. I am sending you good energies and my heart goes out to you hoping you find the perspective to see the bigger picture and put you back into it in the dignified and self-respecting way you rightly deserve. Get your self-esteem back intact and believe in who you really are. And for God's sake, get some rest. None of us thinks well when we are exhausted. The other thing is emotionally draining, and only time will heal that one. God Bless You, too. - Chris.

Answer 2

Hi Angeline,
My God, you have gone through some terrible times, but the important thing to remember is that " You're still standing" !!!!
I think we can all sympathise with you to a degree, we have all been there, I certainly have ! Workmates can be a real pain, especially if you feel you're doing all the work and they get all the glory...I'm sorry to say this, but that seems to be the norm wherever you go !
I dealt with it by changing my attitude ! I got on with my work, and just ignored what the others were doing .
Just say to yourself that you're not going to be there forever, as soon as you have achieved your goal, got your paperwork in order you can leave and hopefully find a job that will be much better for you !
People can be, and often are very unkind and insensitive, and if you can ignore it ( for the time being at least ) then that's probably your best option .
I do feel for you, I'm not too happy with the way things are at work either, I have to put up with a manager that keeps on telling us how intelligent she is ( as she has a degree ) and how stupid everyone else is ( how frustrating is that????) when in fact she is clueless, has no real knowledge of life, people or her surroundings...just her degree...and a 17 year old workmate who thinks she owns the place, but she's the managers favourite...sound familiar?
Just ignore them Angeline, you should know what you're worth, do not allow these morons to take away your confidence .
I'm sure things will get better, just hang in there OK ?
All the best, you look after yourself .
P x

Answer 3

Hi Angeline.

First of all let me say how much I sympathize with you in your miscarriage and how I hope you will very soon have confidence and inner strength renewed. Remember that workmates who get away with murder will always be around - I gave up fighting that years ago because it causes so much stress worrying about it and fighting it and is really just not worth it. If you can possibly walk away from the job and find something less stressful you will feel so much better - I know this is a hard decision but honestly, think of yourself first.

Chris has given you some excellent advice - you must take care of yourself and ignore what others are doing and saying (I know - easier said than done, but it's well worth a try - and I did it myself so know it works!!). I shall be thinking of you and wishing you well.

Take care and have a great life.

xx

Answer 4

#1...friends DO NOT do other friends this way...he is NOT your friend.
#2...unless the person talking about your miscarriage is management or HR it is considered a rumor and there is nothing you can do. If your manager is telling people, go immediately to the HR dept or go a step above them to make a formal written complaint . What they are doing is inappropriate and legally against the law. You can sue for a manager or HR disclosing personal, medical information.
#3...try to get a job description, if you have one, stop carrying your "buddy" if there is no definite line of responsibility, write down everything you do by yourself, show you supervisor's manager and show the proof you are "working alone" and you document the times you have tried to discuss this with your lazy, no-good line manager...otherwise, cut your losses and search for a new job...after you find one, use this leverage to try and make changes if you really want to stay BUT make sure you ARE prepared to leave! On the other side...how important is this funding for college? You might do what you can and suffer thru the rest to gain your education then brush off that lousy employer after graduation like a bad cold!!! Remember if you don't stand up for you NO ONE ELSE WILL!!!! Good luck!

Answer 5

Right now you are quite entitled to be stressed out , the miscarriage is traumatic enough without the work related problems. Firstly your line manager isn't doing her job if she can't bring a lazy member of staff to book invoke a grievance procedure and keep going till you get satisfaction and believe me if it goes too far people get their arses kicked big style
secondly if your miscarriage was discussed by your line manager to anyone other than yourself then you can bring a serious breach of confidentiality against her and if she works with confidential information what else has she being saying to unauthorised personell

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about your loss. I am in a similar situation, having been off work for 2 weeks, but due to "burn out".
Can you join a Union? As long as you have a sick note, then you should be ok. If you are stressed out with the job, take some time off, your health is more important. You might also have a chat with occupational health, they might talk to your line manager.
Office gossip is in my view unavoidable, it happens everywhere.
Back to occi health, they can actually advise your manager on how to best help you in your situation at work. They will send him a letter, saying what he needs to take care off, and one of those things is to keep stress away from you.
Good luck!

Answer 7

Is your co-worker's performance affecting you and your job, or are you simply ticked that your co-worker gets away with being lazy? If you are simply stressing over the fact that your co-worker is not being reprimanded, then you really should concentrate on YOUR work and leave your co-worker's performance, or lack thereof, to your boss. If, however, your co-worker's performance directly affects your job, you have a legitimate grip. Talk to your manager about the situation...don't make the assumption that he/she knows what is going on. If you get no satisfaction from your manager, you will need to decide whether your job is worth going over your manager's head to his/her boss, because if you do this you could have reprecussions from your manager. If you don't think the job is worth saving, get out while you are out of work and find a new job. No job is worth THAT much stress!!

Answer 8

You MUST refer to the grievance procedure as stated in your contract of employment, and follow it to the letter in raising each and every one of your concerns - leaving out none of your main points, but not going into too much detail at Stage 1.

Even if the procedure states you should first raise each grievance verbally, do so also in writing and keep a copy for future reference and evidence.

Stick to the facts at all times. Stay cool under pressure, and do NOT allow anyone to rattle you any more than raising an eyebrow at them (you can cry, shout, scream, curse and swear in the privacy of your own home later).

Answer all questions calmly, thoughtfully and truthfully, but diplomatically without sounding angry or vindictive. And keep written notes of important points (noting who said what to whom and when).

Gather any physical evidence to back up each of your grievances and, if necessary, call a reliable and honest witness(es) who has previously agreed to help you and who will not embellish.

Do not allow the issues at work to rule or ruin your life - employers have a "Duty of Care" to all employees, and you may have to gently remind them of that.

If you need any further specific help - email me. If I'm able to I'll be glad to assist for free (ie no charge).

Answer 9

Quit same as i did, i was in the same situation, workmates got away with everything, i only had scratch my head and i was in the office for a disiplinary, i dont need the stress at work, ime now getting more money for less hours. set up my own window cleaning buisness, now i am the boss.

Answer 10

Do you have an HR rep at your job? If so that's the first person you should talk to.

If there's no HR rep available, try a union rep.

If you have neither of those resources available try confronting the person politely. It's amazing how often people don't realize they're acting inappropriately.