How can a person get their self-esteem back up after being harshly criticized?

Answer 1

very good question. most of the time, people lose too much self-esteem after being harshly criticized. Psychologically, i think the negative effect (loss of confidence) feeds itself until its too late, such as depression.

yes he can. but it is going to take a lot of work.

Answer 2

I think the best way to get over harsh criticism (and this is coming from personal experience), is to go somewhere quiet, listen to some hecka awesome music, and think "Screw them," if they are just being stupid, and if they're serious and they're partially correct, then do the same thing, only reason it out in your head. Think about why they said that, and be open-minded, be able to admit that they were right, if they were right.

Answer 3

It may take some time to build it back up and it is possible to become a strong person. Just don't let what was said ruine your outlook on life. Think of all the good things you have done and learn not to take what was said to heart. My outlook on someone criticizing you is they pick on faults that they have and are to scared to admit them.

Answer 4

when people are harsh, and cruelly so - generally it is due to lashing out irrationally and without much thought on your feelings. people say all sorts of things, some just to knock you down a few pegs. but you have to believe in yourself. all through your life people will tell you things that can be taken as harsh criticism, but you have to remember that their opinion is just that...an opinion, it doesn't make it right.

what i do when i feel like crap after being reamed is make a mental list of all the great things i have done, or want to do. toot your own horn, you'd be surprised and realize you are a great, intelligent and capable person.

Answer 5

everytime you hear that voice criticize you replace that message with an affirmation to erase the old tapes that play in your head

Answer 6

I am better than that.

I've got what it takes.

I'm going to show it what I got.

I won't stoop to the level of criticzing anyone like that.

Answer 7

First of all, it depends on who's doing the criticizing. If it is significant to destroy your self-esteem, then it's probably someone close to you that you are emotionally invested with, or you know deep down what they're saying has some truth.
Second, what types of things are being harshly criticized? Are they things that cannot be helped (physical appearance, height, eye color, ect) or is it performance, personality, motivation, productivity, or effiency?

Self-preservation (we all have it) causes us to believe we are right, justified, blameless, and our priorities trump all others. I makes it difficult to admit to things that may be true to others. It also makes it hard to accept the perceptions of others. We tend to react defensively or emotionally.

When someone (anyone) criticizes us, we should first (before reacting emotionally) evaluate their contentions. Then, we should consider the source (critizer) and what their possible motivations are. (Do they expect better performance/for our own good? Do they just want us to feel bad about something we cannot change and why?) Then considering what they say, who they are, and possibilities for saying what they said, we should consider what information is useful to us.

Example: Mother critizes your grades and study habits. She is overly harsh. She expects better because she knows how smart you are, she wants you to feel ashamed of yourself, but she is ineffectively attempting to motivate you to do better. Good intentions/right reasons/poor method.

Example 2: Boyfriend critices your breast size, says their too small. He wants an armpiece for a status symbol to make himself feel like he is more important. He is judging you by superficial standards about something you cannot change that does not make you who you are, and attempting to make you feel bad about it. His lack of acceptance and appreciation should tell you loud and clear that he does NOT have your interest in mind (or your feelings), he wants you to feel bad because he is so insecure, and his method is mean and cruel. All of his communicvations should be disregarded and so should he.

Example 3: Your boss at work rips you a new one because you didn't get a task done to his specifications, or in the time expected. He/She criticized your poor attention to detail, your lack of priorities, your inefficiency, and your cutting corners. The boss is mad because they expect better work, they want it from you, they are mad and want you to know they mean business, they want you to shape up or ship out. Once again, good intentions, poor method.

People should be intelligent enough to know that they can NEVER motivate people to do as they wish or as they should, perform better, or up to their capabilities with CRITICISM. Criticism should be saved for illutrating need for improvement.

They call it "constructive criticism" for a reason. Usually, the good points are acknowledged. Then, the room for improvement is pointed out. "Great work! Very creative! Any way we could get this done a little faster?" "You are so great with the customers, they like you and you easily build rapport with them, but you get all flustered when you go to rign up the purchases. Maybe we need to work on that." "Nice work on this assignment. C-. Not bad, but I know you can do better. NExt time, try proof-reading, use single-space, and site your sources on one page instead of the bottom of the page."

If you take every single criticism to heart, then you may have some serious poeple-pleasing or approval issues. Nobody should be big wnough or significant enough to destroy your self-esteem. Why would you give away your power like that anyway? Do they deserve it?

To increase your self-esteem, there are a couple of things you can do, but you first have to replace "I can't" with "I am not willing to" and decide that you choose NOT to become a professional "victim".

Exercise makes your body naturally increase dopamine, seratonin, norepinepherine, endorphins, and other feel-good, stress-reducing chemicals. Also, if you keep your heartrate above 140 for at least 30 minutes, you can get an adrenaline rush. This is only a part of it......

More for the mind-side of self-esteem building.... Try something new; something you never thought to try. Do not expect to be an immediate expert. Just practice and do it until you get good enough to teach it to someone. Or start finishing things you have been putting off forever. Make a checklist and cross things off as they get done.

Accomplishments and achievements naturally build self-esteem because they require your own, personal, genuine effort. WIth each thing you finish, or with each level of progrress or improvement, you will gain motivation and momentum. Trust me on this.

And when you build yourself up from the inside out, you will be immune to the spiteful words said by insecure, unhapppy people. You will also be able to take crticism more objectively. You will more easily be able to pinpoint the motivations behind someone's negative evaluation of you. You will not be offended easily, or take things as a personal attack.

Think about this: People don't really want to walk on eggshells around you. They do not want to be held responsible for your feelings. That's your responsibility anyway. No one else wants that job. And nobody wants to be around someone who is so fragile, either. People see that as being unstable and neurotic.

Build yourself up from the inside out, and you will be fine.

Take care!