Why am I on the offensive?

Question

I was having a conversation with my dad earlier, we were talking about my little brother, I was trying to stick up for him because everyone seems to be laying into him for getting into a bit of trouble at school.

He's only 14 & having a hard time at home & at school lately & I thought my dad should give him a little bit of a break & stop having a go because he's only 14 & his hormones are probably all over the place.

ANYWAY!......My dad says I'm always on the offensive & have an answer for everything like I'm being attacked all the time. I asked him what he meant & he just said I always have to defend everything or have an answer in particular.

I see what he means but why do I do that? For what reason? Why am I on the offensive all the time? I don't understand & didn't realise that I did it! Can anyone help me understand?

I'm 19 & do not consider myself to be immature. If anything I'm rather too mature for my age. I always listen to what is being said & give informed answers.

He's been brought up well, disciplined & has more than his fair share of responsibility.

I feel its my responsibility as I grew up with my brother but as my parents are divorced my dad did not & so I don't think he understands him so well.

Answer 1

I am in no way educated when it comes to psychology but since my parents often call me that too I thought I'd give my insight. I'm not sure what causes me to be so defensive (offensive is of course a misnomer). I have noticed that I had an upbringing that punished me for not being ready with a response or reason, and rewarded me when I did. In school my teachers praised me for being witty and readily answering questions. At home my mother is so dominating that there has been a power struggle between myself and her since I was little, there I lose an argument sometimes if I am ready with my case no matter how valid it is, but lose it all the time if I am unprepared. I think it also stems from being scientifically minded, something that, as far as I can tell, I was born with. I always want to answer questions, I always want there to be reasons. I've noticed that I practice justifying everything I do, wrong or right. When I do a fundraiser I imagine the response it will get from my peers and superiors, when I speed I think about excuses to give the cops. When it comes to things like sticking up for your younger brother I think that that is a good thing! You are sympathetic, and here, you ability to give your argument clearly and immediately paid off because you were able to communicate why your dad should lay off. You were not arguing for the sake of arguing (which is, I suppose where one should draw the line) but because you thought you understood a point that your dad was overlooking.

Answer 2

You do it because you feel insecure and depending on your age, you could be a bit immature. Not that being immature is your fault, it's just a sign of youth. When you get older, you don't feel the need to explain everything or answer everything--- you can listen thoughtfully, digest what's being said, and understand another's point of view, rather than fighting everything off as a criticism and wanting to be right all the time.
Like your brother-- why is it your job to defend and explain when a parent knows the kid doesn't need a break, he needs discipline and to be made responsible for his actions?

Answer 3

First of all you love your brother, and you see the entire picture, he is only 14 yrs, and you make sense to me, tell Dad, remember when he was young, and tell Dad that you want to help your brother,

Answer 4

ur dad sounds like mine. He says always on the offensive, my dad is ofcourse an *** so maybe not.

Answer 5

it's usually just our personality or human nature. we don't do it on purpose, it's just the type of ppl we are.