wife messed around while separated?

Question

30yrs old, Got married 1 month ago, we were together for 7 years before the wedding, we have 2 kids. Beginning of this year she moved out and got her own place, left me with the kids 5-6 days a week. She started dating other people but mainted she was innocent and had not slept with anyone else. We got back together in June and married last month. She was sleeping with my best friend behind my back (no love just sex), neither admitted it till yesterday. She says they ended it before we got back together. I had no clue they lied, very clever. If she had been honest about this, I would not have gotten back together with her and then married. I know why she lied, and I am (was?) happy our family is together, but my ego hurts. Wasn't technically cheating, we were broke up, I don't want a divorce, but I was lied to and betrayed. How do I get over this? I now feel like cheating on her.

Answer 1

She didn't sleep with your best friend. She slept with a guy you THOUGHT was your best friend. You were broken up, so forget about it, and worry only about from your wedding onward. Otherwise, your marriage is doomed.

Answer 2

Regardless of what’s behind the lie, she know how much it would hurt you if you found out. she know what it will do to you and the still go forward with the affair, but by trying to keep it a secret, she is also trying to protect you from the pain and suffering that would surely come if thei betrayal is discovered. They rationalize this with thoughts like “he does no understand me”, “he could not handle the truth”, etc.
Although it was not technically affair she made an issue out of it.
At this point, the cheater needs to own you to things and the victim needs to be able to express what they are going throug openly. Then the issue that led to the affair can be addressed and both partie need to take responsibility for the problems and how they will be fixed. Yes, marriage can survive infidelity and a happy marriage can be restored wit patience, sincerity and effort. Some of the hurdles that will arise are the victim’ inability to get over the deception, the adulterer’s inability to realize what the have done and how wrong it is or a general inability to address and fix th underlying problems

Answer 3

It takes a LOT of work and effort to build trust between two people. But it's VERY easy for one of the two to destroy it. Betrayal is a very serious thing.

The fact of the matter is that she lied to you. Don't torture yourself about "if" she had done this or that. The fact is that you have been betrayed.

If you can't get over this, then your only real option is to get out of the relationship. A relationship without trust is NOT a relationship.

Consider professional counseling. If neither want to go, then consider divorce.

Answer 4

Leave her. She's a liar and there's good possibility of them sleeping together once you got back, if not still today. Don't listen to her pleading and batting her eyelashes. Just leave. I know you were right and don't want this to end but you need to do it. Otherwise, 2 years from now, you will still be miserable.

Answer 5

Wont help a thing. Ok you got your feelings hurt. Be a man and let it die. Moping around wont change what happened, so put it away and move on. After all you got the girl in the end, but it will take time to regain your trust in her but life goes on so must you. It wont be easy but you cant let it eat you up either, your family needs you. So step up to the plateand be the man, youll be better for it. Good luck

Answer 6

if you feel like cheating on her only because she slept with someone else while you were separated then you shouldn't have married her in the first place. what she did while you weren't together is none of your business, and what's more, she never even cheated, so if you feel like this is going to make you cheat, then you need to get out. you were never ready for this commitment. what's going to happen when you get mad for other things? you always going to feel like cheating?

Answer 7

First - no, it wasn't cheating, because you weren't together.

Second - she shouldn't have lied and of course that hurts - but that does nto give you a right to cheat. You now need to make a decision. You either leave, and move on - or you stay and move on. Either way, you need to let her know your decision and then let it be in the past.

"Honey, I know it wasn't cheating, but the fact that you lied about it leave me feeling very betrayed and honesty is important in every relationship."

Followed by either:

"I don't tihnk I can continue this relationship."
or
"I want you to know that I am hurt but I want this family and so I think we need to let it go and move on. I love you, and in the future, I need you to be completely honest with me."

Answer 8

well two wrong never make a right be a bigger man hold your head up high he got that after you had tap that for seven years hes the stupid one ...........and she came back to you so don't let your ego hurt cuz buddy you must have something going on .......if you don't want a divorce then don't cheat on her you guys are married so you would actually be doing more wrong then her i understand how you feel i had it happen to me ......i held my head up high trash the friend and when my man came back crying that he was sorry i trash him too but we didn't have kids and i wasn't married to him so don't make a mistake you might regret later...............good luck

Answer 9

Tell her, "You lied and betrayed my trust. You need to figure out how to set things right."
Then let her come up with her own punishment. If you do it right she will be very hard on herself which she should to prove that you are the one and only she wants.

Answer 10

I have a challenge for you find some one that did not sleep around wile separated!
I have had this happen to me time will heal the pain.And you can regain trust for your wife if she remain sincerer and faithful.
As far as the so called friend kick his A*s he is no friend!!
GOOD LUCK!!!