I don't want to lose her?

Question

What do you do when everything is against you? What do you do when you do your best, and your best isn’t good enough? What do you do when you do more than your best, you do everything right and you still get hurt? What do you do when you love someone so much, you care about them so much, and the two of you are so good together that everyone around you knows it, but her parents want to rip you apart because you are of two different races? What do you do with so much pain? I can’t tell her my pain because it hurts her. They hurt her, I can’t do it too. Every tear she sheds is a spear through my heart. What do you do when you fear losing the one person you love so much and care so much about? What do you do when the person you love fears standing up for you? What do you do when the person you will do anything for is so scared that she can’t stand up for the two of you? I sit here in tears in a desolate place reaching out to the internet community, because I have no one left to

...left to turn to. I have never felt so helpless. A disability is a state that prevents a person from something. Can skin color be a disability if it prevents you from getting your love? I love her so much, but I fear losing her because she can’t face her father regarding this. I hurt everywhere and fear losing her. Please help. I am in extreme pain and will appreciate any comfort. Please save the sarcasm since I’ve received plenty of those.

I spoke with the father the other night when she broke down. He told me not to get close to her. He told me to let her graduate and then they will see. Translation: let her graduate and move back down there to the city she is from so that they can do a number on her, and since I won't be around that means it's over. She is Armenian by the way, and I am perisan. Ofcourse both of us are "whitewashed".

Answer 1

I'm sorry but this situation is now beyond your control. You have done everything already. It's up to her to meet you half way. Unfortunately you can't stand up for everyone. She has to learn to do that herself. As much as you don't want to lose her, if it's not meant to be, there's nothing you can do. I'm sorry.

Answer 2

No baby I would never be sarcastic with someone who is obviously hurting. I can feel your pain from here and I wish I had a pat answer but I do not. You have to let your girl know that your parents cannot live your lives for you and at some point you both have to make some decisions about the future. Tell her how much you love her and would do anything for her just to be with her and how she is the love of your life. You may never be able to change her family's mind but if you can and are able to spend time with them then maybe they will see that you truly love her and will see you for the kind, loving human being you are. Good luck honey and Hugsssssssssssssss of hope to you!

Answer 3

Alright I really don't know the details... But basically this happened to me only the parents don't dislike me for being a different race, they said I was too much of a "distraction". Ok so anyways. Don't worry about the parents, do whatever both of you guys choose is right for your relationship. In my case, I'm still dating this girl because we both love each other it's just we can't spend as much time together. If it's possible try to meet the parents half way, maybe talk to them. But when it comes down to it the parents aren't in the relationship, it's you and this girl. Good look man I hope everything turns out well.

Answer 4

I'm very sorry that this isn't working out for you. It's apparent that you really love her and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Unfortunately everyone isn't able to do that, and for whatever the reason, she can't. Of course you are hurt and disappointed.

I never dated outside my race so I have no first-hand knowledge of what you are going through. All I can tell you is that our parents can have a huge influence on the decisions we make. My father would have never accepted anyone I dated if they were from a different race. And although I was never interested in dating anyone "outside" my race, I can tell you that I would never have even considered it because of his strong feelings.

Maybe your girlfriend can't get past her parent's feelings. You may not be able to pick your family and you may not always agree with their views, but the bottom line is - they are your family and they do matter.

Sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes two people can love each other and still not be able to get past the "issues" they are facing. I'm sure her parents see every potential problem that is ahead of the two of you in a mixed marriage. I'm sure they are trying to "protect" their daughter from what they perceive to be a future filled with problems. You can't fault them for wanting to protect her, even though you can fault the way they are going about it.

Maybe the reason she isn't "standing up to them" isn't because she can't, maybe it's because she loves and respects them. I don't know how she was brought up or how close she is to her family.

As difficult as this must be for you the time may come when you are going to have to "walk away" from her. The obsticles you seem to be facing are huge. If she can't or won't face them with you, your relationship has little chance of moving forward.

She knows how you feel. I think this decision may not lie in your hands, but in hers. I wish you all the best no matter what happens.

Answer 5

What you need to do is sit her down and tell her how you feel.. she is probably dealing with the same pain. When you truely love someone you have to ignore what people say and follow your heart. Life is full of people that will never approve and you have to do your best to protect the people you love and it's very hard when the people that are suppose to love you and support you don't. I understand how you feel.. I'm in love with a wonderful man and everyone around me doesn't see the person that i do.. They look for the negative instead of the positive.. It really sounds like your heart is breaking and you just need some one to talk too... I hope that you know that your not alone in how your feeling...i'm there myself and I always feel that i'm fighting a losing battle but my love for him is so deep that i don't care what others feel..make sense?

Answer 6

Sorry both of you are experiencing so much pain. This is hard because I know it's easier said than done but maybe you both just have to wait until you are out on your own away from her father to pursue a relationship. Of course there always is sneaking around but I think that will cause more turmoil than good. Please don't be depressed, there's probably nothing you can do to change her father's opinion about interracial dating so just look to the future and hope you can be together when she's away from her dad.

Answer 7

You'll only win over her parents over time, by showing them that you're good for her and to her. If they're constantly throwing your relationship into chaos, then that will never happen. The only way to get past that is to minimize your time around them. It's not that you have to not go around, but only go around on Holidays, or when other family members are around. It's hard to be mean when it could be detrimental to so many relationships. Whenever her parents present an opportunity to do something, make other plans (could get expensive). You don't want to make her choose (that would be bad, no one wins). Just have some fun things to do to keep the two of you out of there.

Most people don't like their g/f's parents (but have to put up with them) and vice versa.

Answer 8

This is one of the saddest questions I have ever read, and I'm so sorry that you are going through this. But, if the two of you were meant to be (and to me, it sounds like you are) then everything will work out. Don't cry, just continue to love her, and tell her how you feel. If you can stand up for the two of you, then she should be able to do the same. And, not everything is against you, I promise.

Answer 9

I actually cried when I read your plea for help! So, you're African American and she is white? You didn't really divulge any details...I mean...how old you two are...are you married or dating? So, basically you're in love with someone...but you don't feel she will stand up for the relationship?? Well, i hate to say it...but maybe she doesn't love you the way you love her! Have you thought about that? You sound like you are at the end of your rope...you sound very depressed...! I wish I could help you...I would like more details so that i could try...

Answer 10

i think there is a best, go and talk to her parents, tell her how you feel, say that you will never do anything to hurt her, tell them what you told all of us. Show them that you love her.