I can't understand so maybe you can help me out. I'm recently divorced?

Question

and was married to a physician for 14 years, he made very good money so my alimony is very good. I have a nice car, house, I'm well educated, attractive but most importantly I'm a very nice, kind person. I'm not stuck on myself at all and while I get asked out, it's usually turns into them wanting to jump in the sack. I can't seem to get passed that with most men. I guess I don't understand really, are men afraid of a successful, attractive woman? I get so tired of guys going "well I don't make a lot of money like what you're used to" but what they don't understand is I'm not looking for anyone to take care of me, just a partner to share life with, what is the deal? Why do they always feel like they can't measure up?? I'm not doing anything purposely to give off that impression

No I am not successful becuz of my ex, I have a master's in counseling, and havce a very good job with the school district i don't base my success on my ex

Answer 1

I think men need to feel wanted and need to feel like they are wearing the pants in the relationship and I think its rewarding to them to know that they can take care of their woman and eventually family. I believe its in their nature to do so. I think that has a lot to do with it. I am a strong person as well and I don't need anyone else to help me get the things that I want but its nice for them to feel that they "took care of things". Think about it ever since life existed women gathered and men hunted. Its the same concept. Nonetheless you will find someone who thinks its great but from time to time you have to let him "take care of things" so it doesnt hurt their manhood ;)

Answer 2

Men are not looking at you the way you think. They think you have it all but not in the bedroom so theyre all too eager to please you. True alot of men are afraid of beautiful successful women, but most just dont care. They view you as a meal ticket and the only way they can get you is in the bedroom since you have everything else to them. They think that you could have any guy you want so they view as a conquest (not much different as when they were teenagers) and if they dont stand a chance at least they can say they had sex with a beautiful successful women once in their boring lifes. They dont realize that this may not be remotely what you want and cant conceive the idea that you might just be looking for a friend. Most men live in the moment and to them there is no tomorrow. You represent what most men can only wish they had or be, but its exactly that macho male thinking that keeps them from acheiving their dreams. Most guys relate the girls they meet with their mothers and you dont fit into the mold of the majority of mothers, but something new that most of us never knew existed til recently. Someday men will be able to accept woman like you as an equal and not the exception. Good luck to you and hope you meet the man of your dreams someday

Answer 3

Men naturally have the instinct to take care of women. That is something they are born with, and real men never loose that desire. Becuase of that they feel very intimidated by women who make more money than them, it can make them feel like less of a man. That does not make them pigs or anything, that is just how they are and that is an innate quality. That is an important thing to understand. Nowadays, women spend their time trying to chnge the way men are naturally. Without even realizing it, I think many times we are trying to make them more like us. That will NEVER work. We need to begin to realize that the diferences between Men and Women are more than just anatomy. Once we realize that and embrace the differences, then we will get along much better. I am not saying that this is an excuse for men to act like pigs and boss women around. But if a man wants to protect and provide, that is just who they are.

Now as for meeting a better quality of man. Asses where you are meeting them. The internet is not always a good plan. Bars and night clubs are not either. I like the suggestion earlier about attaneding church singles groups, there are also many civic singles programs, just watch your paper. Also there are now dating services for Professionals. There is one called It's just Lunch or something like that. A girl I work with uses it. The people who use it have to be working professionals. That type of service may have more of the kind of Man you are looking for.

Answer 4

oo.....I would laugh if I didn't know how miserable you are right now because I have been there...boy have I been there. I went three years without really dating after my divorce for the same reasons.

I wish I had better news... but the truth is it just takes time. Make some good friends, single ones.... and have a good time. Travel if you can, take a few classes, that sort of thing. I eventually found that the Opera and Symphony in my city held singles events that proved to be fun. Internet dating was interesting but a little creepy.......

You sound like you've really got it together. Just make some friends and have a good time, the right guy at the right place in his life will show up eventually.

Good Luck sweetie!

Answer 5

We could be twins!!!!!! My marriage to an md lasted 18 years, and we, as you, had it all --- $$, travel, community status, nice house, lovely friends, then it ended, and it's not important why. It was his fault, I got an apology, and as you, I'm a nice person, no baggage, not critical, and all the rest of it.

And I too wanted someone to share my life with, and found the same thing you did. So, first thing, move out of that circle of people. And when you meet a guy, don't tell them what your ex did. Just say "he was in a business with partners" which in my case was also true -- he was part of a large medical group.

Now, how to meet some great men? Get your courage up, and read this several times:
First, if you don't have a killer smile, get one from the best cosmetic dentist in your area..it will set you back some, but hey, you can afford it. Get your makeup redone,and your hair changed by an expert, even if you think it is fine.....and some new clothes. Have some great photos taken, and put up an ad on Yahoo Personals. Read what other women say about themselves, and be honest about yourself..... leave out how much money you make, and never disclose that you receive alimony -- I didn't ask for any.... Guys think alimony means you're a gold digger, so absolutely never discuss it..... I left the area, so no one knew who I was, and I met tons of really great men -- engineers, businessmen, yadayada. I made sure the computer matched me up with someone else besides a hs grad on a Harley. I met men who I wanted to see again, but they weren't interested, and guys who wanted to see me, but I wasn't interested. This went on for a year -- nice guys, but no real spark on both sides. Then, I met the man I have been with for
1 1/2 years.... lovely lovely. It is nice to be in love again, to sleep with a man I trust, who adores me, and I adore him. We travel together, but we don't see each other every day, tho we do talk 2 or three times per day..... Both of us out of long marriages -- his 30 years, and he knew her for 5 years before that.... Things wear out. Whether this ends in us living together or marriage, I really don't know, and at this point, it really makes no difference..... we are a committed couple. I have $$, and he knows that because shortly after we met, my ex was killed: but we divorced with no property settlement, so things remained joint. In the state in which I lived, divorce negates joint tenancy, unless I could have proved "beyond all reasonable doubt that the decedent would have wished the joint tenancy to remain". It took a year but most of those things we held jointly were finally awarded to me... we had no kids, he had none before we married, and neither did I. This was a difficult year for me emotionally -- divorce is one thing, death is something else....Never wanted him back, but sure didn't want him dead.... I was sued by the 4 charities we had named in our wills 20 years ago, and never changed!!!!! (We figured we'd die in a plane crash somewhere in Kenya.) This lovely man remained unthreatened by my grief. He won't take a dime from me.... he works and is very successful, but nothing like was a doc makes. Had I met him after my ex had been killed, I never would have said anything about how much $$ I have.

I hope this helps. When you meet men thru the internet, use good judgment..Almost all are who they say they are, but there are nut cases out there, just like those who may be sitting next to you in church. Research anyone you wish using the internet... I did, and they will too. Meet in public places. Keep the conversation off of your ex, and his life, and find common ground -- music, photography, art, whatever..... It is the modern way people who are busy meet. Questions? write me. Good luck, hon.

Answer 6

Well, I don't know, maybe you DO give off a certain vibe that some people find intimidating. It's hard to see yourself objectively. Sounds like you've met some pretty insecure men so far, but it doesn't mean that these are the kinds of people you will be meeting in the future. Tell me about them wanting to jump in the sack, I had the same problem with my dates, believe me. I'd also met some people who found me intimidating (I'm fairly attractive, intelligent, and tend to be opinionated and outspoken). I'd say, just keep trying; experiment with different ways/places to meet people. I met my husband through online personals, and we turned out to be a great match so far. Don't be discouraged by some initial setbacks.

Answer 7

It's not that we're afraid of successful attractive women. Were afraid of woman period. It takes a lot of nerve to ask a woman out and for some reason our egos are very fragile when it comes to women.If the money thing keeps coming up maybe it's something you don't know you are doing You sound like the kind of lady I would be glad to go out with. (I find brains and the ability to have a conversation most attractive in a woman)

Keep looking Mr Right will find you don't settle for Mr Rightnow.

Answer 8

You may not "purposely" give that impression but you do sound a little bit that way. Do you consider yourself "successful" because you were married to a physician?

Obviously you are meeting the "wrong" men in the "wrong" places. You need to look for men who are in the same economic bracket as yourself. Confident men who are "successful" would not feel "threatened" by you.

Good luck.

Answer 9

You know it depends on where you are meeting these people. If you go to a church singles group or places where people are socioeconomically in your league you might meet men with common interests. Just don't frequent the bars and clubs, you'll not get much in the way of integrity. Just make it a rule in your life, no sex outside of marriage and you'll be much farther ahead of others that give in to lust and no self control which leads to very little respect.

Answer 10

Maybe you need to take a break for awhile and not actively pursue anything for the time being...you could volunteer or do other things in the meantime. Get your life back first and let all the rest come from that...good luck hon!