Would you stay together? Or want to?

Question

Ok I am asking you to put yourself in my shoes for a moment. My wife and I have been married for 2 years now. We are both currently 23. I am in the Army and have been deployed to Afghanistan for about 10 months now. Well, when I went home after 6 months of being in Afghanistan, I found out that she was with somebody else (not the whole time I was over here). I told her that it was over and that I was going to get a divorce. Well, about a week ago she emailed me asking me to call her. So, I did. We talked about a lot of things that night and the following nights. We eventually talked about getting back together. In the past few days when I call our conversations only last several minutes because she either has to get ready for work or is at work, and nothing is really said. So, I told her I would call earlier so that way she doesnt have to be anywhere and we can just talk. Well, now when I try and call her she doesnt answer my calls.I have 2 monthes left. Should I keep trying or forget?

Answer 1

Cheating is the worst possible thing a married person can do to their marriage, with the possible exception of attempting to murder their spouse. Actually, I'm not certain if cheating might not be even worse. I'd suggest that you wait until you get back, and then decide . My first wife cheated, and I would NEVER hesitate again, I'd file the day after I found it out, if I was cheated on again. But, that's just how I feel. We're all different.

Answer 2

As an ex Viet Nam vet and POW, I want to thank you and your pals for your service and I understand your dilema. I dont want to say your relationship is over, but somethings not good back in the states. She sounds like she has some real issues and some growing up to do and shes not sure what she wants. Since she wont answer your calls, Id put the ball back in her court and let her call you to see if shes really true in her words. You dont need this crap and deserve better. Your remaining time will pass quick so then you can come home and settle this so you need to concentrate on things at hand and not her. Be where you are. Be safe and God bless all of you there and again thank you.

Answer 3

She cheated on you!! That says it all. If she did it once she will do it again. I hope you don't have any kids! Do you? If not I would say stop calling and leave a message saying you want a divorce. It is really hard to break it off and just get out of the situation. I know I am going through a divorce myself. People seem to think it is only the women who get beat up emotionally. But guys suffer too. We just don't "cry" about it.
I think it is over and you should tell her! A cheat is a cheat!!

Answer 4

I'm an Army wife too,so I know the kind of thing you're dealing with. I see it around me all the time and I'm sorry it's happening to you. There are two big issues here. First - what has happened says a lot about her character....and the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you're planning on staying in the army for any length of time consider that. The second thing is that you have to have closure for yourself. Try until you feel you have tried everything and thee is no hope - then walk away. At that point you know you did the right thing, your healing is minimal, and you have closure.

Thanks for what you do.

Answer 5

I'm in the Army too and my husband kinda did the same thing- But I was not deployed. We didn't work out and it breaks my heart to this day but every couple is different. If you think you can learn to trust her again and that she will put in the effort to make it work- Then go for it. But don't put yourself through so much, when you were faithful, just on hopes she will be true to you now. Good luck!

Answer 6

As a vet.......Screw her. When you get home, have relations with all of her friends. Get divorce papers now. Open a new bank account now, or at least change your direct deposit. Before she ruins your credit and the rest of your life....get rid of her ***.
Nothing says I hate you like divorce papers from a combat zone. See your Legal Officer (there's got to be one somewhere over there). You obviously have the internet (fix your banking situation). Sign a Power of Attorney for someone you can trust to help you liquidate shared assets before she has time for anything.
Nothing is worse than what she did. Your out there fighting for your country, and she's got some dude in your bed. Screw her.

Answer 7

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. It's hard enough being a young wife, and harder still being a young military wife. If she continues to ignore your calls, I think you should do what you have to do to get on with your life. Just because being a military wife is hard, and she had to be without you for a long period of time doesn't mean she had the right to cheat on you either. I know, because I'm a military wife myself, and have never cheated on my husband.

Answer 8

Sounds like she might still be up to the same ol game. Are you really going to be able to trust her if you two do get back togather. Say the first time you call her and she doesnt answer the phone what are you going to think

Answer 9

HELLO,
WELL YOUR CRAZY IF YOU STAY WITH HER....YOU MAY STILL LOVE HER , BUT IS IT WORTH KNOWING IF YOU CAN TRUST HER WHEN YOU GET DEPLOYED????THATS NO FAIR TO YOU IN THE RELATIONSHIP HAVING TO WORRY ALL THE TIME IF SHE IS GOING O CHEAT OR NOT....AND WHY WOULD YOU WANT HER GOODS WHEN SOMEONE ELSE HAS HAD THEM WHILE YOU WERE GONE???I WOULDN'T ....AND WHY WOULD SHE HAVE TO CHEAT ......YOU CHOSE THIS TYPE OF PROFESSION AND SHE KNEW IT AND IF SHE COULDN'T BE FAITHFUL THEN WHY DID SHE MARRY YOU???FOR THE BENIFITS OR THE MONEY....I WOULD ASK HER....BECAUSE SHE IS HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU NOW AND SHE ALWAYS WILL.....SORRY TO BE SO BLUNT BUT I WOULD WANT SOME ONE TO BE BLUNT TO ME......AND IT SORTA HELPS WITH COMMING TO GRIPS TO REALITY.....YOU NEED TO THINK IF SHE IS REALLY WORTH IT IF SHE CHEATS....IF THIS IIS WHAT YOU WANNA WORRY IF YU HAVE CHILDREN BY HER ARE THEY YOURS????AND BEING MARRIED YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT........THAT IS WHY YOUR MARRIED....JUST SLOW DOWN AND LOOK AT THE WHOLE PICTURE AND IF ITS WORTH IT OR NOT WHAT WE SAY YOU MAY OR MAYNOT TAKE LIKELY...SO BE TRUE TO YOUR SELF.....:)

Answer 10

i wouldnt rush into making rational decisions right now i would wait and see if use can sort things out cos she most likely just needed company while you were away you never know what can happen cos it seems as though you love her still but i would wait and see you never no what might happen i would keep trying and tell her your vows and make her say yours and she may just realize that she was in the wrong she emailed you so obviously there are still feelings for you on her part so GOOD LUCK!!