Should I accept the house that my husband bought ,without my concent and presence ?

Question

My husband and i were searching for a house . We both agreed on the floorplan that we liked . We had some disagreements about the options and argument went to the point that we stopped talking about it . At one point out of sheer anger, I said to my husband that he can go ahead and buy the house that he likes . To my unbelief he actually did it and went ahead and bought the house and also selected the plot without even asking my opinion once. He says that he cannot on any circumstance change his decision now .Also i learned later the house is on his name and my name is nowhere on the papers. I am really hurt and don't know how to react to this . Its hard for me to accept something thats forced upon me like this and live with this thought forever that i what i thought would our house is actually gonna be only his house and his choice .

Answer 1

Problem #1 - You argued so much about buying a home that you stopped talking about it. This tells me you should not be buying a home together and perhaps shouldn't even be married unless you plan to get into some heavy-duty counseling.

Problem #2 - You told him to go ahead and buy the house he likes. That was childish because you did not mean it. Never say something you do not mean.

Problem #3 - He did it. That was even more childish. He should never have made such a decision without you, no matter how upset you were when you told him to do it. Suppose you'd told him to "Go ahead and have an affair....?"

Problem #4 - The house is in his name. Of course it is. He couldn't have put your name on the house without you signing anything. Of course this means the mortgage is also in his name... and actually since the home was purchased during the course of your marriage, if you move into it, it's marital property considered to be the primary residence where you will cohabit, so you could divorce him and get half of that house in settlement no matter whose name it's in in most states so maybe that's not a problem. If he dies, it should go to you, but I'd check that out too.

Problem #5 - The biggest problem... is that this is no way for a married couple to behave. This was a controlling and obnoxious thing for him to do and it sounds to me like you're married to a total jerk (no offense intended) and I rather doubt this is the ONLY controlling thing he's ever done.

You can always tell him "I said buy the house you like. I never said I would live there with you" and leave. Or, if you jointly own a house now, you can refuse to sign off on the sale of that home so he probably won't be ABLE to purchase this one and you'll still have the home in which you currently reside.

If you currently rent or whatever, then that won't work obviously... but I think you just need to seriously re-evaluate your selection of a mate or at minimum the way you interact together. Sorry :(

Answer 2

You all are in serious trouble here. The fact that you were having a disagreement prior to this is not unusual (I know many a couple that separate in the stressfilled time of buying, selling, renovations and building a home). But the fact that he took your exasperated "go buy it yourself" as licence, is truely troubling. Is your name on the mortgage? The check cut from mutual checking accounts? What? Dear, I would advise you to consult quietly with a lawyer experienced in real estate and marital law. Get your finances in order and get ready, your man is untrustworthy and a dog for doing such a thing, no matter what you said, this is a big purchse for both of you. Now unless you are a harping witch who stilted this man with every decision along the way, sounds like you two aren't long for many more anniverseries and I would watch my step till I was financially secure before making any leaps anywhere. If you have made your man so crazy that he had no choice but to do this to have a roof over your heads, then you might want to work on that temper of yours, if this was just the usual drama that goes on with these sorts of things, then he was out of line, but may have inadvertantly put you on notice of what he is really capable of. Take a long look, talk to a good lawyer and speak to your husband about putting your name on this immediately. If not, you will have more information to know your rights and what you should do. Good luck my dear!

Answer 3

Major purchases should involve both partners, especially the purchase of a house. Your husband was wrong. I hope that you express your disappointment and hurt feelings to him in a calm manner. And, hopefully, major decisions in the future will include the both of you. But, the next thing to do is to move forward. But, since he can not change his decision, maybe you can come to a compromise. Go and look at the plot and look at the floor plan and other specifications of the house. You might find that you might like it afterall. Also, you can be the one to make the final decision on furnishing the home and decorating it the way you like it. What you don't like, maybe you can make renovations later after you've move in. Or, you can change the options if the house has not been built yet. But, DEFINITELY, get your name on the deed and the mortgage. I think he can still add your name. Good luck. And, remember-- in the end, it is not about the house, but rather about the kind of home life you build TOGETHER.

Answer 4

First thing I would do is have a long talk with your hubby and make sure your name is on the papers for the house! Once you get that settled then I say settle into your new house and if you find something that you like better in a year or so then you can sell that house and go with something you like better. By that time you will have worked out all the kinks about the house and your problems you had over it...good luck!

Answer 5

This is what happens when we say stupid things out of anger (when I say we I mean myself included). On the brighter side you have a brand new house.

It is terrible that purchasing a house got you both so flared up that you couldn't agree and stopped talking. Think about it for a while and you will realize how stupid it is. People are dying and starving all over this world. Woman would kill for a man to buy them a house. I hate to say this but you just have to get over yourself or you are going to fight about this house - just like you said - forever!!!

Answer 6

Like a good husband, he listened to you and did exactly like you told him. Husbands that actually listen to their wives are really hard to find and I guarantee you that there are alot of women on here that would trade you in a heart beat instaed of asking questions on divorce so you should be proud of him. If youre worried what would happen in case of a divorce, since this was purchased during the marriage, youd be entitled to have its value, or you could just leave it to him and not owe a thing. Personally I think you should be honored that he bought you a new house, something many of us men wish we could do for our wives. Good luck

Answer 7

If you are married it is yours anyway so why worry. Women tell men that they don't care and for the man to do as he pleases and then when the man does - you get mad. Men do as they are told. Men say only what they mean. Men -even in anger mean what they say and say what they mean. Very Literally, If they say it - you need to hear it as said as that is what and how a man will ACT on it. Men are easy to understand if you listen and hear what they say. You threw it out there and he acted so it is now not only right , but your responsibility to accept the house. And if you want it decorated your way, you better get in line now and say what you mean and mean what you say and do exactly as you say you will. You have learned that he listens to you. He got the house as you directed. Hope I am making this clear without sounding mean as that is not what I mean. You did nothing wrong but challenge him to buy on his own in anger. Now it is right that you accept that he did.

Answer 8

Well, what's done is done. You shouldn't have told him to get the house that HE wanted because in men world, they actually think we're enabling them to do so!
However, he can add your name as owner of the house as well, so let him know that if he doesn't do that, you won't be speaking with him or moving in with him. You two are in a marriage, therefore decisions should be made together, as a tag-team. If he can't respect you and your decisions & try to compromise then he doesn't deserve you. Make him add your name or else.

Answer 9

I would be happy if I could afford to buy a house. A house is only cement and boards, you and only you can make it a home.
As far as your name being on the deed why would that matter?
Unless you plan to divorce? And even if you do it doesn't matter the name on the deed. One of my friends inherited a house 5 years before he met his ex wife. she already had three kids, none of them his. but when they divorced she got the house. Not fair but that's the way it works. Remember it is only bricks and wood until you make it a home quit being so petty!! And be happy that your husband is able to buy a house!

Answer 10

This shows how insensitive your husband is. He probably has a big ego and is extremely selfish. No matter what you told him, if he loves you, he should have made you part of this big decision. Marriage is built on the foundations of trust, love and compromise. He shows none of those attributes that are essential ingredients for a happy and successful marriage.