CRUISE BEREAVEMENT SERVICE say i am too upset for counselling. please help?

Question

I lost my daughter a while ago to cancer and i just cant cope! I feel every day is such a struggle to do anything. I dont go out anymore, i dont answer my door or phone and my heart just aches for my daughter. I cant cope with the fact that she has died and when my gp referred me to cruise they came round to assess me and said i was too upset for counselling and when i get myself sorted give them a ring and they will come back and reassess. I hurt every day for her, i cry all the time, i dont know what to do with myself. i just want my daughter and no one else. why did she have to leave me? my ex husband is being a right nasty evil git and the things he has done to me are unbelievable and unforgiveable too. please please can someone tell me what i can do? i am taking antidepressants and they dont seem to work. Every day i just wake up and want her back and nothing else matters. i have even started to think about taking my own life to see if that takes me to her, who can help?

i really dont know how i can be too upset for counselling when that is what they are there for. I have absolutely no confidence in ringing people or approaching them myself. in fact i am struggling to do this but i have a good friend sitting next to me pushing me. she has tried to get help but they say i have to ask for it. i just want my daughter back and i know in the real world i cant but i dont know what to do anymore.

Answer 1

First, what you are going through is completely normal. That git of an ex certainly does not help the matter. I am guessing he has probably moved from a rotter in the first place to a right nasty git of the first order, after your daughter's death. That happens to men, they clam up or get nasty.
As far as what you are going through, all I can think of is to let the emotions flow. When tears come, they are healthy, and help your heart (emotions) and mind (intellect) work together.
What cruise is probably saying is your grief is so intense that your needs for help is beyond their organizational ability to provide. That doesn't mean that you are beyond help.
Now, I am concerned that you hardly go out, answer the door, etc. I think it proper for you to make a call at your local clinic and speak with a medical doctor. You can explain what is going on, and ask them to help you find the proper people to give you counseling or therapy.
Oh yes, the MD may have known to give you antidepressants, and that makes sense. But if you go back and explain that you need more, resources ought to be available.
A couple things you can do for yourself:
(1)Any time you think of your daughter, try to focus on a happy time, and think of her as now always being with you, in your mind and spirit.
(2) keep feeling, keep thinking. If you like you might want to pick a special place in your home where you can relax and feel in touch with her in some way.
(3) If I feel closed in or depressed, and other things, I take a walk, sometimes just a few minutes will help me feel more centred and relaxed.
(4) There is healing in doing. Taking a walk, making yourself go and see family or friends. It may seem forced at first, but in time, getting away from the house may really help.
And from my heart to your's...
May you find greater and greater peace,
Deeper levels of understanding,
and above all...
come to realize that your daughter's enduring wish for you will be happiness, hope, and understanding of yourself and your situation.

From afar, I send the best thoughts, a hug, and a little prayer.
As my mother would say...
The strength to change the things that can be changed
The felixibility to cope with things that can't
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Charles
"She was on earth but for a time, but will endure in your heart forever."

Answer 2

I too lost my daughter when she was 27 to a drunk driver. She left behind 3 sons a sister and me along with many other family members. As far as being too grief struck for counseling is hog wash! May be a bereavement group run by people in similar situations are in a differ ant spot then you are and they just don't want to go where you are again? I do understand the lack of not wanting to do anything including breathing. Its been 4 yrs for me. Everyday and every night I think of my daughter. There is NOT anything I would do to have her back here with me. Even sell my soul to the devil! Please feel free to contact me if to you are able. And just sometimes you need to take things one second at a time. Is your ex the father of your daughter?? If he is, he should be helping you and himself get through this the best and the most you can!

Answer 3

I have been thruoght losing someone...it hurts U picture their face evry second.But U need 2 understand the fact that it was her time that shes happier there that she wuold be here!!!If u think of it she would be struggling here and that wuolgf hurt her more than it hurts U now.Someday youll meet her again until that day comes live ur day.Think about something else watch a movie that will light up ur face ,read a book ,TALK 2 SOMEONE
Shes safe up there and is watching U!!! If shes seeing U soo sad she willl be as sad as U R in the place where U can have everything U want!!! Im sure shell be happier 4 u if U continue ur life .RIP 4 ur dauther im sure she was a wonderful person since she had a mother like U.GooD Luck!!!!

Answer 4

Antidepressants are a good start, but they are not miracle cures. They will only help in levelling you out and they can take a good three to four weeks to start working. You need to try another counselling service, it's seems strange that they would say you are too upset. I'm not even sure a counselling service can tell you that you are too upset.
You could start with the Samaritans

http://www.samaritans.org/

They may not be able to help you totally but they will listen and be able to point you in the right direction.

http://www.cctrust.org.uk/

The Cancer Counselling Trust will be able to put you in touch with groups or counsellors in your area who will know what you are going through. Get in touch with them.

Visit your doctor again and insist that you are referred to a professional psychologist. Individual one on one is probably better for you right now. If you can afford it, seek a counsellor yourself.
It's a cliche, but time is a great healer, but you need to seek help through your time of need. You need to get out of the house and start doing things again, start with things that you enjoy. It will be hard, it will feel impossible but you have to. Don't see your ex-husband if it is possible, if he can't be supportive then he is a negative force when that is the last thing you need right now.

Best of luck, I hope this helps a little

Urban

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss and can not imagine what you're going through. But, please know that taking your own life will not solve anything. Do you have any friends or family to turn to? Even if you don't want to talk about it just yet at least have someone to be around you, take you to dinner, go for a walk, etc. Think of your daughter as your guardian angel now. She would not want you to take your life. I would advise you to seek professional help if you don't have someone close to rely on. Counselors help people deal with grief and should not turn you away "until you are ready." If you are a religious person you can turn to your church. If not, there should be local counseling or groups you can go to. You are not alone.

Answer 6

Although I don't practice I trained for three years as a professional counsellor and I am amazed at the response you have had from this counselling service.

Is there a local hospice in your area, they run bereavement counselling groups for people in your situation? It can help to hear the experience of others and be able to share your feelings with others in your position.

They may also be able to put you in touch with a good bereavement counsellor should you prefer one-to-one counselling with someone who will not be judgemental of you.

It is important that you take positive action and seek out help for yourself, as difficult as that may seem at the moment and not depend on others to do it for you.

The very act of picking up the phone or calling into somewhere like your local hospice is the first step towards dealing with you overpowering and understandable grief. I wish you well.

Answer 7

im so so sorry for your massive loss?but listen grieving is a process that can take a long time x ask yourself this if your daaughter in spirit is in the room with you now she would hate to see you cry i know this for sure x people dont die justt the bodys do her spirit will be around you constantly i totally empathise with you you poor poor woman but you do need counselling soon very soon and you need to keep talking and crying when need be time is a healer but you will never feel the same again im sure i can only imagine what your going through support is what you need positive supportive people x there are lots of books to deal with bereavment i wish i was there i woould give you the biggest hug for you and the loss of your daughter who is now an angel xmay sadness forget you and the angels protect you x
ps try the bach rescue remedy from boots its a tincture that goes under your tounge please get support x

Answer 8

you dont say how long it is since your daughter died? I would think that antidepressents are not the way forward, they are for an imbalance of chemicals in the brain..you do not have that..you are greiving and that is a normal process.
I dont pretend to even imagine what you are going through, but i am a mother and i have suffered other losses. give yourself time.a cliche i know but time will give you the chance to accept at least and find ways to cope. lean on your friends..you mention a good friend im sure she will support you for as long as it takes.
you are sure to run the gauntlet of emotions and you just need lots of support as you move through each stage. life will never be the same again for sure because its been touched by your daughter, even if only for a short while thats got to be a blessing. but you will slowly start to live again and even take pleasure in life..just go easy on yourself and dont expect to much to soon. take care.x

Answer 9

I feel really sorry for you and your loss. When Cruise refused to counsel, however, I can sort of see from your q. why. I have the impression (forgive me if I'm wrong) that you don't want to get over your loss. Certainly from the way you put your feelings I don't think anybody could persuade you.
So the bottom line is, only you can help yourself. You need to deliberately direct all your faculties to something or somebody outside of yourself. As you become less self-centered (and I don't mean that in a nasty, disparaging way) your grief will ease. A long as you concentrate on your grief, it will takeyou over.

Answer 10

I can only imagine the agony you must be suffering. Your first move is to contact the Samaritans who will be able to recommend someone you can speak to, but has your GP offered you any counselling within his/her practice? You are entitled to about 6 consultations as far as I'm aware. Have you been offered anti-depressants just to cope with your grief until you can see some light? If not or you have refused them, perhaps it may be worth seeing your GP again. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.