I asked a ? about a week ago re: my dad just told us that he is Bisexual. The issue is I am and have always been a HUGE believer in homosexual/bisexual relationships. My best friend of 20 years is gay for cryin' out loud. But this with my dad makes me feel a little different. I still love him because he is my dad. But I have trouble seeing him with another man and talking to other men the way he is right now.... I feel like I am betraying my own beliefs. Is this something that will pass with time? Is it because it is still so new? I don't understand why I feel the way that I do.
2006-11-14 09:30:14 · 19 answers · asked by curious for knowledge 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It's never easy when your parents get divorced, mine just did a few months ago... I think it might be since you are use to seeing him with your mom it looks different if he is with anyone else, whether the other person is male or female.
Plus thinking of your parents in any sexual way usually doesn't come out too pretty in your head...
Could also be that you are feeling a little left out of the loop... he's been bisexual all your life and you never knew. That's perfectly normal then to take to it ackwardly.
It's just something that will take some time getting use to... trust me I just found out my father, who's 48, is dating someone 5 years older than me... lol that feels a little wierd too.
2006-11-14 09:56:32 · answer #1 · answered by IceyFlame 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think of it this way, you're not upset that your dad is bisexual per se, you're hurt and uncomfortable that he kept it a secret as long as he did. The fact that your dad has been leading a repressed, double life, and now suddenly wants to come out and show his true colors, is of course going to have a negative impact on his children. It hurts to feel like you have been misled or lied to your whole life, so I wouldn't feel guilty about having trouble seeing him with other men. It doesn't mean your homophobic or that there's anything wrong with you, its simply because you are being forced to assimilate to situations you are completely not used to. Its going to take time to rebuild trust with your dad, and to feel like you truly know him again. I hope in the meantime he is sensitive to your needs and emotions and doesn't try to flaunt his "new" lifestyle around you too heavilly. I can only imagine that its very odd to think of your own father as a straight man for your whole life and then all of a sudden everything is different. Give it some time, and maybe even go to a few therapy sessions- alone, or with your dad. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-14 10:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by neverneverland 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are far from a hypocrite. Your father is different from anyone else in the world and therefore your feelings surrounding him and his newly revealed lifestyle are perfectly natural and unique. You have to give yourself time to adjust however long it takes. You have and probably will say some things that are uncomfortable to you and and your father. Say them, everything that is on your mind needs to be said and your father needs to hear them. The fact you sound like an open minded person bodes well for the future. You seem to have the ability to self evaluate and the sense to see when something feels right or wrong, live it, because you will find a way out and communicating with your father is the way to do it.
2006-11-14 09:47:32 · answer #3 · answered by waggy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're a hypocrite - the fact that you're saying how you feel means you're NOT being hypocritical. I think you've simply been handed something very unexpected to deal with, and it will take time for you to get used to the notion. It's always strange when anyone we love turns out to be different than the way we have pictured them, no matter what the difference is. I believe with time, you will see that your father hasn't changed - only your knowlege of him has. A week is a very short time for such a big revelation; give yourself some time, and don't be too hard on yourself; in my book, you are to be congratulated for being honest about your feelings, and working to deal with them.
2006-11-14 09:35:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being hypocritical...I think you are being honest....I think that situation would initially "freak me out" too but I am sue you will get use to the idea. And seeing your dad happy will be nice too..You should sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling and I am pretty sure he will have some good advice for you and they two of you will have a nice talk...Your open minded but for right now this change is a bit different and I am sure it is kind of hard to swallow....You will make it through this just fine...Give yourself some time to adjust...
2006-11-14 09:35:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would venture to guess that it is the secrecy rather than the bisexuality that is eating at you more. You've known your dad to be a straight man all of your life and now you find that is not the truth. It's like a betrayal. He's lied to you for so long. If your relationship with him is strong, you'll manage to get past this and see your father for who he is and be happy about that.
2006-11-14 09:33:50 · answer #6 · answered by Chris J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not !! , what you are feeling is very natural under the circumstances , it happens because there is a dramatic change of what you have been accustomed .First give your father praise for finding the energy in him-self to face the truth , to have to face the judging possibilities of family and friends . Have compassion for him ,he at the moment must be scare of repercussions , support him and show him you care and love him , this what you are feeling will pass with time ,give it a chance ... ( from a straight guy )
2006-11-14 09:45:48 · answer #7 · answered by young old man 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your image of your dad has been altered, severely. the whole childhood mommy and daddy are together forever and they love me stays with you no matter how old you get. I think you'd have issue with other women as well. its the not mom thing that I suspect is bugging you most.
If that isnt it, it may be just because your father is the archtype of all men to you. ALL men aren't gay, so this makes you a bit wierded.
relax you'll work it out
2006-11-14 10:02:37 · answer #8 · answered by Myrrhder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it - you can't help your unconscious feelings.
It might just be that it's weird to think of a parent in a sexual way - I'm sure it would be quite uncomfortable if he discussed his sex life with you even if he were straight.
It's a new thing to deal with, and it will take you time to get used to it, but you are being honest with yourself and trying to do the right thing, so just continue to support him and hope that it stops feeling weird after a while.
2006-11-14 09:35:19 · answer #9 · answered by JBoy Wonder 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess is normal cause is your dad and you always have an image of your dad, like your hero (im not saying that with this is going to stop being your hero) is just that we always say that our mom or dad can´t do this or do that cause they are parents you know and is just that they can make mistakes and can feel different things and is completely normal... I just want to believe that with time youre going to start seeing him normal and youre going to respect what he wants to be and he wants to feel... good luck!
2006-11-14 09:41:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋