Well, recently the guy of my dreams proposed to me, i'm not like women who say yes on the spot so here is what is holding me back: I love him the thought of him leaving me is like a blade through my heart, i can't emagine living without him, i except himfor who he is and i except his mistakes. But what's holding me back are the things i don't know and will never know, for example how do i know if he will die or not? will i be a widow? would i have to be a single mother if we ever decided to have kids? what if his heart changes? what if he changs? what if i change? what if he stops loving me? would our marriage be bassed on mercy only? Will he be there always and frovever? I don't care about how fency or dreamy the wedding might be, I care of what happens after that, should i take the risk and go for it??????????
2006-11-14 09:27:11 · 23 answers · asked by kitty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok for those who have questions I'm 21 and he is 31, but his age is not an issue to me, thank you all for the answers such a wake up call i don't know which one to choose. your all so right!!! what the heck am i waitting for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-14 09:58:42 · update #1
You love the man, he loves you, you seem to have a lot in common. You have the base of trust and belief to each other, you have friendship all that the main things in the relationship and for future marriage cetainly.
You sound like you love him, otherwise you wouldn't be so worried. The questions like "if he will die what then?" are not acceptible. Why would you think of that now. Stop worrying so much or you will never decide to marry anyone.
It is natural to be very worried, it is A HUGE STEP in your life but you must not worry so much to make you turn off your dreams.
Say YES and see what happens, there are many successful marriages out there and think of yours more positive.
Good luck and Congratulations :)
Wolfy.
2006-11-14 09:41:30 · answer #1 · answered by lone_wolf_time_to_change 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your uncertain I mean of course you love him and you want this to work out but here is the thing in order to keep your marriage going throughout the years is both parties have to work hard at it. Sometimes you give more and sometimes you take more. Don't worry about death you don't know when anyone is going to die for sure you just live your life and not let it bother you. The best question to ask is-Is this someone I am willing to work hard for? That's all you need to know once you have the answer to that then you should be OK. Things will always happen and no one can predict the future never rush into marriage if you are not ready for it. It sounds like your confused but maybe for the wrong reasons. As you grow older you do change and that's going to happen with anyone. Change of heart isn't likely as you grow older after your triumphs from trials and tribulations it makes the heart grow fonder. Good luck and remember life is all about compromises and thats something that the two of you will need to work through and it will be the hardest task.
2006-11-14 09:37:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right to take your time...that always helps in making life altering decisions but you may just be doing it for all the wrong reasons. Anytime you enter a long term commitment you are taking a chance. Ask yourself this question: What if I never have this person in my life and I live the rest of my life alone? It also sounds like a case of cold feet and a lot of people get that up and even on the day of the wedding...
No one is perfect honey and if you accept him as he is then accept that he will do everything in his power be there for you in body, spirit and mind. If you feel at the end of the day this is truly the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, then say yes and marry the man! Good luck and breath...calm down...enjoy the love!
2006-11-14 09:34:44 · answer #3 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you love someone as much as you claim too, then there shouldn't be any questions!
Look at it this way. Would you rather go a lifetime worried about all of the "what if's" or take the bull by the horns and enjoy life with him while you can!
All of these risks, I'm sure, are outweighed by the benefits!! I would choose marrying my husband and spending even just one day with him then to never have tried!!!
Good luck!
2006-11-14 09:33:47 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending if the risk is worth it to you. No matter what you do in life, you're always taking risks - you don't know when you leave your house in the morning whether or not you might die in a terrible car accident, but you still get up and go to work every day. It is an acceptable risk. So, as long as the risks are acceptable, you go on doing certain things; but some things cross into the realm of unacceptable risks (like robbing the bank or climbing Mount Everest, for example), so we refrain from doing them. Marriage to me is an acceptable risk. Yes, my spouse might leave me, I might leave him, he might die before me, my children might drown or die of leukemia; but hey, life goes on. If I worry about all these things, I might as well just kill myself now. Lighten up. Sounds to me like you need some antidepressants.
2006-11-14 09:44:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should drive him crazy with all those questions you have floating around in your mind. That is what life is all about. How do you know your not going to die and leave him all alone with kids??? Thats just crazy girl and you need to relax big time. Your gonna let life pass you buy worrying about everything every second of the day. If he is truly the man of your dreams, what are you doing here asking us what you should do? If you don't know the answer to that question, we can't answer it for you!!!
Go do some soul searching - God Bless!!
2006-11-14 09:32:45 · answer #6 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
These are thing people take chances on daily, It's all apart of life, if you let this make your desion (it is not a smrt one) This is all apart of being with some one married or not, There are millions of widows across the world but this happens, LIVE with it.. If you truly love some one and want to spen the rest of your life with them then you do soo, People get devorsed all the time too IT HAPPENS IT"S A PART OF LIFE.........
2006-11-14 09:38:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever think that he might wonder the same questions about you? Obviously, he loves you in the present, in which we live everyday...no one knows what the future brings, all you know is if you love this man enough today to say yes and take a chance.
2006-11-14 09:40:14 · answer #8 · answered by joker:P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to relax... these are all non-sense questions... Life is about taking chances... so this is a chance you will take, I'm sure you didn't think this when you were getting with him! why now, if he wants to marry you, its because he is going to take a chance with you... I'm sure he doesn't know if things will change in the future, but he is willing to take that risk. Stop thinking about it to much... take a deep breath and say yes... that's if you really want to that is.
2006-11-14 09:33:54 · answer #9 · answered by precious1982 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow and i thought i dwell on the future to much , girl youll never have a happy future if you worry about silly things like that if he dies its out of your hands nothing you can do about that, and doesnt mean you have to be single forever after. and if his heart changes it will change regardless if youre married or not. go for it and dont look back if you love him and you know he loves you then its not a risk.
2006-11-14 09:31:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋