We Just Moved In Together?

Question

Okay. My boyfriend of two years and I, just moved in together. I love it. However, yes, there's a but.....he has an extra curricular activity that I don't partake in, nor do I approve of when abused (just to keep all the guessing at bay, he "smokes"). I always knew about it, and it bothered me to a degree (an he knows it)...but I didn't see it as often as I do now that we live together. My question has two parts I guess: Do I have the right to be bothered by this considering I knew about it? AND as his live-in partner, am I allowed to make the suggestion of him cutting back....at least while I'm around? It could be worse, I know. I guess I just don't like looking at him and knowing he's not on the same level as me. Even though it doesn't seriously affect him (like making him stupid or lazy such as the misconception)...but it just makes me feel like maybe his attention won't be at crisp, or he won't take things seriously, or THE biggest, he'll forget what I'm talking about.

for the person wanting clarification.....I mean he "smokes".....but not cigarettes.

Answer 1

You knew what you were getting into when you got into it. You can't expect him to change and it will eventually make him lazy and brain dead. The only leg you have to stand on is asking him to respect your wishes by not smoking in your presence, but that is a fat chance because he is doing what he always did now the difference is its in your face because you live there too.

Answer 2

Is it simply the smoking that bothers you, or has he really been acting different since he's been smoking? I don't see how you have known about this the whole time and never spoken up about it. You weren't bothered by it before, so get over it. This is his thing. You have every right to leave the room while he's smoking, but don't make him leave. AND as his girlfriend you do have the right to be bothered by it, but you DO NOT have the right to tell him what to do. Ask him to cut back, around you.

You said you were afraid he would forget what you were talking about. Has he done this, or is this another common misconception that people hold of "smokers" ? Is it as big a deal as your making it out to be?

I say, let the boy have this one vice.

Answer 3

Yes, I believe that it is wrong of you to ask him to change this habbit whenever you knew about it. I am a non-smoker buy my live in fiance' smokes. As much as i would like for him to quit for health reasons, i would NEVER ask him to slow down in front of me and i have NO RIGHT to be bothered about it because i knew he smoked before and i chose him anyways. I do not understand your last comments as far as him forgetting what you are talking about and such. what do you mean not on the same level. It doesn't make him any less of a person because he smokes and you don't.

Answer 4

You knew about it before you moved in together, so i would say you don't have a right to be bothered about it... If anything ask him to go out side or in the garage.... as long as it doesn't effect his way of living and making the bills don't stress over it, and if he really cares about you he will stop eventually, I was in the same situation but he stopped it all 2 months before he asked me to marry him.. Good luck

Answer 5

You surprise me. You want an answer to a
question that you already made up ur mind to.
You moved in with him knowing his habit. What
u should have done was talked to him about it
before u moved in togeather. What kind of man
do u have anyway that does not respect u or
what he is doing. Women sometimes get into
trouble because they put themselves to where
trouble is at. U know good and well that smok-
ing pot is illegal but u want to make a com-
promise with him. U better wake up and smell
the coffee as that will be better for u.

Answer 6

Well.............this situation should probably have been discussed before you moved in. Granted you didn't realize he did it more often like he does, but you knew.

You do have the right to ask him to cut back. Not sure he will. Or tell him your worried about his mental state when your needing to talk, and you want his full attention.

IF this seems to bother him and you see he isn't cutting back, then your probably already aware that it probably won't work out.

Answer 7

He knows it bothers you. Before he could limit his smoking and do it while you weren't around. Now you're living together. You need to agree on some ground rules. You both need to come up with some sort of compromise that you're both ok with. You need to let him know you don't feel comfortable with him smoking while you're in the house. And he needs to respect you in your home.

Answer 8

Are you saying you moved with with a pot-head guy who you knew was a stoner and now you're wondering if you can ask him to stop? Of course if effects him- it's an illegal drug. He is going around buying illegal drugs from God knows who and you're living with him. Are you insane?
MOVE out. You knew he was a pot-head and you knew it always bothered you. Why would you move in with him?
I'm astounded at the lies people tell themselves in the name of "love." Is this stoner the guy you want for the father of your children?

Answer 9

Did you or did you not know about this before moving in with eachother? You can't expect to change somebody, you're supposed to love them for who they are. Get over it, or rethink what you want

Answer 10

Nothing worse than someone complaining about something they knew about. It will only make him want to do it more.