Women Slaving in Marriages?

Question

When my husband and I got married it was happiness and joy all the time. We would do everything together and go out all the time. But ever since I lost my job I have been feeling enslaved. My husband wants me to cook when he gets home, clean up after the dog all the time, and have our apartment cleaned everyday before he goes to work. When I ask him to do something like make me a sandwhich he says I can do it myself. Everytime I ask him to help around the house, he says he doesn't have to because he's too tierd from work or because he pays all the bills and he feels he shouldn't help. Back in the day it was everything 50/50 now I feel like it's 10/90. Sometimes I feel taken advantage of because I do all the work. I also study and it makes it difficult for me to pay attention in class because I worry about what I have to do when I get home or what I have to have cooked that night. I noticed this change ever since I lost my job. Please give me some advice...

Answer 1

My husband is the same way. When we first got married life was perfect. But when we got use to each other it turned ugly. I cook I clean I take care of 2 dogs 2 cats and 2 kids. Does he help? HELL NO!!!! It's always get me this get me that. Let the dogs in let the dogs out the kids are hungry ect,ect. I finally got sick of it and said go to hell i'm not a slave. And i'm not your slave. He comes home from work plops his butt in front of the tv and snaps his fingers saying get me a beer. Screw that get it yourself. My house is spotless the animals are fed and the kids are spoiled so i think he can help out once in awhile. Just let him know that you are his wife not his slave and soon enough he will snap out of his slave world and wake up to reality. Don't let no man treat you like you don't matter. You are an important person in his life and he shouldn't take you for granted cause there may come a day when he really needs you and you will not be there to help. Good luck sweeti and stick to your words no matter what. Just so everyone who reads this knows that everynight when my husband comes home from work his supper is hot and already on the table. Treat us more kindly or stay single. Oh yeah one more thing i work 2 jobs go to school part time and take care of both kids. He could at least get his own damn beer.

Answer 2

I have been on the other side of the shoe. Only I was working and going to school and still had to come home and manage things. I would get so pissed when dinner wasn't ready. That was my ultimate pet peeve because I was gone all day and he just sat on his a.s.s all day so it was only fair. I know that you go to school but you probably don't go as long as he goes to work. So I would say your not being enslaved your just expected to take care of things. He is taking care of the finances and feels that you should be taking care of everything else.

I felt very taken advantage of but he wasn't doing it and I got fed up with him along with other things but I just remember how I felt. I also felt that house work wasn't as hard as being at work and school all day. After all you clean for what about 3 hours a day and your done.If its affecting your studies so much about what your going to cook why don't you just plan ahead make a week schedule and stick to routine for awhile there is no reason why it should be affecting your studies.

But just keep doing what your doing and then when you both share the responsibilities for finances then you share the house responsibilities. You should talk though I am sure he is feeling the same way.

Answer 3

If you are not working there is not reason why you shouldn't have the house clean and cook. Unless you are going to school 8 hours a day.

I worked 9 hours a day and went to school for another 3 to 4 hours and I always managed to have the house clean. If that is the case, then sit him down and explain to him that you work just as hard as he does and he should help out around the house. But it seems he was already doing that, it was 50/50 but not you do not have as many responsibilities as he does. It is only fare that you do your share in the house.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are not really communicating with your husband. If you want to give it a try, get another job and have him stay home doing the housework. If you keep up with everything, it isn't that bad. Wait until children come along. Things will get worse. Deal with the situation now or pay for neglecting your relationship later. Communicate with your husband. Try a marriage counselor. You don't have to be headed for divorce for a counselor to help.
Also, consider that he doesn't understand. He probably thinks that he is doing most of the work. He wants to relax when he gets home. He didn't feel that way when you were working outside the home. Again, it goes back to communication.

Answer 5

Back when you worked outside the home, sharing the chores was reasonable. Now that you're not employed, what's wrong with taking care of your home and husband? I mean, come on- it only takes about 90 minutes at most to clean an apartment and another 30 minutes to get a meal on. That's 2 hours out of your entire day, and the rest devoted to yourself, and your studies.
It's your job as a wife to contribute to running the house. Perhaps if you get another job, you'll revert back to 50-50.

Answer 6

I am not trying to make any snap judgements here. But, it sounds like he doesn't think that taking care of the house and going to school is work. He is wrong ofcourse. But, getting him to see it that way could be difficult. Now me personally I do all you mentioned in my household and alot more. Since I quit working outside the house. And I don't ask my husband for help but maybe once in a blue moon. And my list of house work is a lot longer than your. I clean, cook,do all the yard work,change the oil in my jeep,Homeschool my 8yr old, play nurse to my son whom has a lot of medical problems. I also take care of the finances for us and my elderly parents, I am their maid ,driver,mechanic ,yard person and I am currently putting in 8+ hour day's trying to redo my mom's kitchen for her for a early christmass present. And I have only asked my husband to help and it was only with preparing dinner maybe 6 times and that is only been over the last year since I had a stroke and someday's have problems getting my left arm to work with me. So I guess my advice would be to quit your bitchin.

Answer 7

Since you are not working, you should be doing more around the house, but not on command. He might also feel like he is being taken advantage of by you, not going out to get another job and depending soley on his income. Obviously he's not happy that you are not working and trying to make life hard for you, so that maybe you will go and get another job. I think it sucks that he can't be supportive of you going to school. You are not his slave, you are the one who makes the choice to do what he tells you to do. You can make the choice, not to. But as long as you are unemployed, don't expect much from him.

Answer 8

Well, you are at home all day while he's out working. Each party in the marriage needs to contribute something. His contribution is the paycheck, yours is taking care of the house and all the chores.

If you want it to go back to 50/50, go get a job.

Answer 9

I dunno, I think it's only fair that you do more of the housework while he's out trying to make a buck. My advice - if you don't like this situation, get a job a.s.a.p. It's not "enslavement", it's a normal division of labor. When I was out of work for a year, and my husband worked all day to pay our bills, I did not have a problem cooking for him and doing much of the housework. Being that I didn't have to be away from the house 10 hours a day 5 days a week, I had lots of time to do all these things, and still have a life. I don't know what your problem is.

Answer 10

Advice ???? Quit your bitchin' and get a job !!! You have to contribute somehow !!!!!! Make yourself usefull !!!