"mark" when my husband is not around.i have never done anything to mark and he loves spending time with me.the ex is very bitter that i married "her man" and took her place in the family unit.not that i ever pretend to be marks mom he has one mom and i understand that.she told my husband if he can't watch mark then he is to call her and she will watch him not me.my husband told me she never gave a reason why this is he may know but just portecting my feelings.my husband goes along with this to keep peace and will not talk to her about as it will make problems. hes not my son and i know there is nothing i can do it just makes me sad that his mom will use her own son to try and control her ex husband
2006-11-14 08:26:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you have to respect her wishes. It's her son and your ex-. That's not so hard to understand. Woman up and respect her.
2006-11-14 08:29:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well depending on the situation...MY Ex-Husbands G/f gave her child away and was constantly trying to break our marriage up since my daughter was 4 mos old.And eventually she accomplished that,and for the simple reason she is jealous of me and has always tried to cause problems I will not have her around my daughter. I actually think she might would harm her in some sick way to get to me. But normally you don't really have that kind of situation..It could be the mother is still hurt over the divorce and thought of some other women playing "mommy" even if you aren't..It can be a little rough..Maybe just bear with the situation for a while longer and as time goes on..then maybe you can talk to her about this..It takes time..The Threat OF THE OTHER WOMAN will get YOU EVERY TIME...Good Luck Sweetie!
2006-11-14 16:34:03 · answer #2 · answered by crazyinlove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hiding from this in order to spare feelings is only going to make things worse. If he trusts you to watch the child and the child loves you then you adults need to get together so you can ask her why she's trying to make a bad situation worse. I like the fact that you called the child by name, shows that you see him as a person in his own right. You need to deal with it before the issue starts coming between you and your husband. Whether she likes it or not you are now a guardian of the child and should therefore be given the rights of a "parent" where caring for him is concerned.
2006-11-14 16:34:34 · answer #3 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a problem. You and your husband are in error. You are the mother of your husband's children. You may be referred to as a step-mother. You have the same responsibilities toward the child as a birth-mother. If you have custody, you are responsible. Your husband can leave his child with his wife, the child's mother. Your relationship with the child does not and should not undermine the child's relationship with his birth-mother. The same goes the other way. Under no circumstances should your relationship as mother be challenged. Your husband has a responsibility to support you in this matter. That is a problem with divorce and re-marriage. Be loving, and be tough. Stand your ground as kindly as possible. You are not responsible for your husband's ex-wife's attitude. It's tough. I doubt this really helps in the short term. In the long term, hopefully it will help with your relationship.
BASICS: forgive others, love others, do not be a doormat to others and continue to forgive and love.
2006-11-14 16:35:57 · answer #4 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand where you are coming form being a step-mother myself - but I also can see where she is coming from being a divorced mom as well.
My situation is abit different since my ex is not married - and I dont see them every being so - but, I would not allow my daughter to stay with his g/f.
My reasoning I am sure is different from your husbands ex - but I have no respect for my ex's g/f. I also know of the physical abuse in the house between the two. I would not trust her to be mad at my ex for something and take it out my daughter.... Even if he were in the house - he would not be able to prevent it... Of course I am sure he would hit her back in defense of my daughter, but it would already be too late.
Is there a reason she would not trust you with her child... something in your past or present you think she does not know about.... Maybe you drink and she does not approve of it, even if it is just one beer here and there... maybe its profanity she hears and does not want her child around....
Put your life under a microscope and try to see it from her point of view - you might see something you would never think of!
2006-11-14 16:32:32 · answer #5 · answered by Bugs_Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess there is nothing you can really do. Just be nice to the kid. Your husband should have some say in this too. He should talk about this with his ex-wife and try to work somthing out. This happened in my family. It got so bad that my mother got a restraining order on my stepmom ..=/ shes a little nuts... To me this lady sounds a little jealouse and it sounds like she just dosen't want you to take the place of her own childs mother.
2006-11-14 16:33:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the thing is that she's very bitter about the divorce between she and your husband. But most mothers would be jealous about their child spending time with another mother-type figure. You can't do anything but continue to be patient and kind to all three of them. If she really doesn't want you around her child, that's her right.
2006-11-14 16:43:15 · answer #7 · answered by Blackadder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first question would be "who is the child "mark" living with? First if he is living with you and your husband then you obviously have custody for a reason. Second if he "mark" is living with HER then when he is at your home during his visitation and you are married to her EX-husband it is none of her business who he is with. Obviously your husband sees you as fit to take care of their son so she needs to go get laid and get off your back. I would personally tell her it blow it out her nose. (I really could have thought of a better word just not here)
2006-11-14 16:43:41 · answer #8 · answered by April C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Yeah, she sounds like a b----. Since your husband won't say something to her, there isn't much you can do. I'd say try to talk to her but she sounds too irrational for that. She is probably worried that her son will like you a lot--it's her own insecurity. In the meantime, go along with it. Before you know it, you'll have your own kids and won't have time to worry about it.
2006-11-14 16:31:51 · answer #9 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And that is exactly what she is doing, using him. She is trying to keep her control over your husband. I am kinda in the same situation, but there was no marriage involved. I get along with my stepson's mother, but she won't let him come over unless daddy is there. Go figure! That's just their way of keeping tabs and exercising control over things. Don't let it get to you, i understand that it hurts you, but better not to "make waves" or maybe your husband won't get to see the son anymore either if things get ugly. Good luck!
2006-11-14 16:29:53 · answer #10 · answered by Manna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try and force yourself in. I understand how you are feeling by being in a similar situation, I understand your hubby wanting to keep the peace b/w her. If yall want to fight this and start a battle, then go to court and a judge will resolve it for you, but in my opinion his ex is still stuck on him and the idea of being a family and as soon as she moves on and finds someone new in her life, she will drop all of this.
2006-11-14 16:32:08 · answer #11 · answered by bnelly05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋