Every time I catch him he gets so mad and tells me to leave. He would rather have porn then be with me. What can I do to save my marriage????
2006-11-14 08:18:23 · 23 answers · asked by angelina m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try asking him if u wan watch with him....i love watching porn with my hubby.
2006-11-14 08:20:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Catch him? Is he hiding it? Is he sneaking around watching it? Why? Would you let him watch it or do you tell him not to?
It's not too usual for a guy not to want a girl with him when he's getting all worked up sexually. Sounds like there's an issue here that only the two of you can resolve. Ask him if you can join him, if you want, and see what he says. But if you're the one that's against it, and you don't give him what he wants, then he'll keep on doing it and you won't change him.
Talk to him calmly and decide if you're willing to do, or let him do, what he wants. And see if your marriage is worth the effort of saving.
2006-11-14 16:27:47 · answer #2 · answered by vmmhg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to realize that he has a problem, and that he is an addict. You can't change him, or nag him or plead with him to change. The desire to change has to be there in order for there to be any success.
He is using porn to medicate himself due to a personal issue(s).
Don't blame yourself for not being attractive or pleasing him sexually. (unless you've cut him off totally, but even then that's not a valid excuse) He needs to have a way to talk out the issues he's having, as well as the triggers/situations that lead him to view porn.
The best thing you can do is continue to love him and be supportive of any recovery efforts he makes. It may take a long time for him to recover, as he may have had this problem for many years.
Porn abuse is a symptom of other underlying issues.
2006-11-14 16:24:32 · answer #3 · answered by dantheman_028 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I think the only thing I could suggest at this point would be to have a serious talk with him to let him know how you feel about it and what its doing to your marriage. Dont yell at him or put him down but try to gain sympathy from him instead so that he will talk to you. I dont know if he is the type that will talk to you, ignore you, or get angry, admit to his faults or blame others, but have you asked him to go to counseling with you? How often does this happen and when was the first time he knew you were upset about it? Has it increased since then or decreased?
2006-11-14 16:24:10 · answer #4 · answered by Onecolegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have to consider this fact: wether you want to believe it or not, many men have some type of pornographic material in their graps. that doesn't mean they love you more or less or they're cheating on you, but men are visual creatures. my boyfriend likes watching pornos and i don't have a problem with that because i feel that is no different from watching a movie with a sex scene only it's the entire movie about sex! And he's not addicted to it as far as I can see because it doesn't affect our sex life and our conversation and our life period.. that's just goes in the same boat as his sports or fishing. But would you rather have a porn addict or a cheater? There might be an underlying reason as to why he is addicted to it. It could be that he needs it for sexual stimulation or to supplement it. And why do you have to catch him? If you want to know why it's got him all rawled up, surprise him and tell him, hey, pop in a porno! and he's either gonna shy up or he might open up. Have you seen a movie called love, sex, and eating bones? YOu need to see it because it's great for your situation. It's about this guy who's addicted to porn to the point that he has to watch it to actually have great sex. But it just about manifests his everyday life. Well he runs into this woman and he ends up falling in love with her, but the woman's cousin sees him at the porn store he frequents because she's trying to get a job there, so trouble stirs up. And he's infactuated with one particular porn star... but I'm not gonna tell you the rest but it's a good yet different love story. But if you want a marriage to work, you have to spice it up.... it's one thing when you're single, but when you're planning to be with one person your whole life and you see each other everyday, you need to make it interesting. I don't know your inhibitions or anything but wether a man admits it or not, they love a woman in public, but a freak in the bed... you can still be classy and sophisticated, but naughty and dirty for him behind closed doors. If it were me, I would be his own personal porn star!! Dress up, role play, and be spontaneous one day when he's coming home from work or when you're about to go to bed. it's better when he doesn't see it coming... don't ask him, just do it.. be in control! Because what you won't do, another woman or porno movie will, so you better think of something.. I know it sounds like you're giving in, but there's many couples in your same situation and that is why GOD created marriage so you can enjoy making love to a person you're committed to under his blessings!! Go for it girl! Good luck!
2006-11-14 16:36:43 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. PHILlis (in training) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do an intervention, like on A&E. Get him some help before it turns into more than just looking at porn. It can be an addiction which can be helped.
2006-11-14 16:22:16 · answer #6 · answered by medicbev 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can install a software like NetDog Porn Filter on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.NetDogSoft.com
2006-11-14 23:46:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do and you shouldn't intervene. However, he shouldn't get mad if you interrupt him accidentally, because you're both married and live together.
The best solution is to divorce, because there is no more sexual attraction or perhaps he's filling a void you cease to fulfill.
Sorry. I feel your pain & frustration.
2006-11-14 16:24:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
save your marriage? you should leave him and take care of your self, this dude is sick why you even want to be with him? i hope he's not raping one of your kids in the future...wake up and smell the coffee lady.....not you but just him like porn more than you so if you dont see the clear picture who will see it? please take care of your self and stay strong......
2006-11-14 18:15:07 · answer #9 · answered by kevin n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when both of you are pretty relaxed, try talking to him about the porn. tell him how its making you feel. and ask why he pushes you away when it comes to porn. if hes going to be a jerk about it try marrage counseling.
2006-11-14 16:21:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get professional counseling. If he won't go with you upfront, then go by yourself in order to understand what's going on.
You're facing some really tough decisions.
2006-11-14 16:21:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋