My ex husband is has Alzheimer's and is in a nut house should I take our six year old to visit him?

Question

My child hasn't seen his dad in about a year he was mentally ill when we separated and was institutionalized shortly after we divorced. But I can tell our boy misses his dad is this the kind of environment a six year old should be in? His step dad says no he doesn't him to be influenced by someone that's crazy. But I still feel bad about him not getting to say good by to his father what should I do?

Answer 1

In my line of work, I have alot of dealings with Alzheimer's pt.'s as well as the mentally ill. Like others have stated, they have good days & bad days & the symptoms only get worse with time. This said, it would be better to bring your son to see his father on a good day before there are no good daysd left. Your X didn't choose this disease, it chose him. He should not be punished for it.
I wonder what contactyou have had with him over the past year? If none to little, you should do some homework. Learn about the disease, go to some support groups & go for a visit.
He is not in a,"nut house", he is on a lock down unit for his saftey. You really need to get rid of your uninformed & judgmental attitude. This will only hurt your son in the long run.

Answer 2

First of all it's not the child's "step-fathers" decision. That child was concieved between you and your ex-husband. You and your ex are his parents and since your ex can not help make this decision for you then you will have to make it. If you think it could have a negative impact on the child then you should talk to a child therapist to find out what their advice would be. A child deserves to know both of their parents and at least you know that when or if he goes to see his dad you will be their with him along with lots of other people to take control if the situation gets out of hand. However I see you said he has Alzheimer's, do you think he even remembers his son if he doesn't then it may be better not to take the child unless you are going to explain to your son first that his daddy may not recognize him and that he has to understand that it is not his fault. Also I do not consider Alzheimers to be a reason for someone to be deemed "crazy" if your husand says that I personally have to say that he is incosiderate of the situation and doesn't need to be an influence on your child himself.

Answer 3

Maybe you should try and go for a visit because you never know because with Alzheimer's disease he may be having a good day that day and recognizes his son and they may be able to enjoy some time together that day. Besides he is still a father and was a father until the illness took over. Don't punish your son for that and neither his father because I imagine if he was not sick he would be there for his young son.

Answer 4

Woe, this is a hard desision for you.

I think sense you know your son, your the one to know if he's mature enough at 6 to understand what has and is happening to his father.

I'd try and make sure he understands "sickness". And prepare him for the aweful consicquences of maybe his dad not knowing him!! That will be the hardest part.

IS it possible for you to vist the ex first and talk with his doctor about your wants and concerns?? That would give you a much better sence as to if you may be causeing him (son) any harm.

You and your son are very lucky to have a husband and step dad that is at least showing concern and love.

Talk to his doctor.

Answer 5

a 6 yr old won't understand the problem. How far advanced is his Alzheimer's ? If he is hospitalized it'd probably not be "prudent" to subject a 6 yr old to the ravages of a devastating mental illness.

Talk about his dad in the past tense. I believe your son should have contact with his birth family so he know where he came from and perhaps his paternal grandparents would provide a better source of information about his dad.

Answer 6

The son should be allowed to see his father. There will be times he is lucid and will remember his son. He should have that small amount of happiness. The son will not be influenced by his fathers illness if you take the time to explain his illness.
Last I resent the use of the word nut house, people in there are ill, they don't ask for it. They are in a HOSPITAL

Answer 7

Your son's father had no control over getting Alzheimer's. Your husband needs to be more sensative and remember that diseases are not prejudice. Some day the same thing or worse could happen to him. Take your son to visit his father.

Answer 8

Check with the facility to see what kind of state he's in.....meaning is he combative or just pretty much there in his own world.....before you take your son.....

Regardless of the fact he is still his father and I think you should take him especially if he misses him.....

And he is not Crazy he's ill .... big difference step-dad.....

Just explain to your son that he's ill and may or may not remember him....or do certain things......

If your son is 6.....trust me he'll have a bunch of questions for you following the visit....just be prepared....but yes definitely take him

Answer 9

I really don't care to read your additional details. You need to learn and show some respect for your ex-husband. If your son started calling his father a nut job would you allow that? Probably so, since you referred to your former husband's living environment as a nut job.

I can't stand women like you.

Answer 10

Step dad needs to shut his mouth and keep out of it. This is between you and your son and the real dad. I wouldnt use the word nut house. MEntally ill ppl need help just like physically sick ppl do. Shame on you!