I am thinking of having children to please my husband if releases me for any financial obligations for them if we get divorced. He is kind, considerate, and loving but I don't want the burden of a baby. Due to stressful jobs, long commutes and our busy schedules we get two hours together a day and our house is a disaster. We are only intimate 1-2 times/week. I don't want to be a milk machine. He thinks I can be mom/wife/grad student/ladder climber at the same time. I am open to adopting an older child, but he is not. He doesn't want to get a divorce and is willing to give up fatherhood, but will resent me if I don't fulfil his dream. I would be more open to the idea if we were financially comfortable or if my education was complete, but he wants children now. His low self-esteem keeps making excuses to not look for a better job or not to get an education himself to provide more money. I gave up all of my hobbies and postponed my education to be with him. Should I give up?
2006-11-14 07:56:27 · 12 answers · asked by BigD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No one should be forced to breed unwanted children.Perhaps your husband should try to find a breeding machine (plenty out there) who wouldn't mind being strapped to a screaming sucking poop-machine and let you get on with living your life the way you want. There are plenty of us males out here who would name their child Houdini. If it gets past the pill, the condom and the surgeon's knife, it will have to be an escape artist.
2006-11-14 08:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do not get pregnant and have a baby because he wants you to. If you personally don't feel ready for a baby then by all means do not do it. Most people are never ready financially for a baby nonetheless mentally prepared. Make a deal with him. You get through finishing your education, he gets a better job and then when you're done with your education and he's been working his butt off and you guys have begun saving...then talk about children. That way, he's got incentive to get a decent job and you yourself can get part of your life back and get more time to think about being a mom in the future. If he doesn't want to do the deal or doesn't do his part then you're off the hook...explain that you wanted your life together to be a certain way before adding another member to the family. Also make you two go on a vacation, whether it's something extravagant like a cruise or a weekend at a local hotel, either one will help re-establish the relationship you once had before this all happened. Hope some of this helps and best of luck!
2006-11-14 08:04:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope. You would be very resentful to be a parent, and believe me, the kid would know it. It is a lifelong committment, whether you see it this way or not. It costs $250,000 to raise a child to age 20. That's big buckos, hon. And every child needs to be wanted. One cannot just sorta slide into parenthood---it is a looonnnng committment. And look at what your are facing: up all night, night feedings, a bratty sassy 2 year old, school stuff, problems with teachers, other kids, those kids' parents, hs hormones, hey, the list is endless.... From what you said, this marriage isn't going to last anyway -- from here it looks like he wants a kid to prove he's a man..... oh, great. I think in your place I'd be making two lists "Why should I stay" "Why should I go." The second one will be way longer. See an attorney hon, but for sure, don't get pregnant.
2006-11-14 08:12:46 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you explained what you wrote above to him? This is where the fine art of compromising comes in. Basically you want to wait til youre thru school and into a good career before starting a family and he doesnt so you two need to meet somewhere in the middle and if Mother Nature cooperates too. Tell him if he gets a good job and can support the family then you will give himthe family he wants and youll stay home raising the child. You are entitled to have your life too. It never hurts anyone to want, but to get what you want is another thing. Dont give up on your marriage or dreams either, just learn to compromise with him. Good luck
2006-11-14 08:08:34 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not have children unless you want them. Having a baby to please your husband is wrong on so many levels. Instead of considering this for him, you both should consider the child. Not being wanted by your mother is very emotionally damaging. It's not just a baby, it's a whole other person with needs,wants & desires.
It's not wrong to not want children. It sounds like you already have a full plate & you surly don't have time for a baby. Waiting until you are finished with your education sounds like a responsible notion.
Maybe y'all should try some marriage counseling to see if this is a deal breaker or a workable "bump in the road".
2006-11-14 08:15:55 · answer #5 · answered by medicbev 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your son is 10 years previous and therefor must be previous sufficient to appreciate that this a thanks to be. i might want to ask him what he idea about you getting finished custody which could replace 'this' and 'that'. make confident he's familiar with that you imagine that that is better to assist consisting of his homework, tardiness in college and hygiene. i do not recognize why you may want to be worried about the ex hating you except you've been speaking about your son in which case he might want to favor you had done extra even as he receives grown and looks decrease back in this. I deeply trust that we could continually not choose others except of circumstances the position there is abuse and then if we do not do something then we are an adjunct. take care of your son even as giving him the prospect to nonetheless his father on a restricted foundation and turn him in for not doing more effective for those adverse different little ones that do not have anybody else to face up for them.
2016-11-29 03:35:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not ready to have children, don't. I understand you wanting to be financially stable before having children. If your husband doesn't want to get better job to help support the family then leave his sorry a**.
2006-11-14 08:11:14 · answer #7 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither...Stand your ground. A child is not gonna improve his self esteem. He needs to get his $hit together, BEFORE you commit to a child.......NATURAL or ADOPTION. He's not making any concessions, and expects YOU to? That's not what I'd call a partnership! YOU dont fulfill HIS dreams.........HE does!
2006-11-14 08:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call your lawyer. What you have is not what I would call a marriage; neither one of you will be happy with whatever decision is made.
Free yourselves up to find people who love and understand you. This current situation is a disaster.
2006-11-14 08:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should NOT have a child. You are far too selfish. And your headline looks like one that Jay Leno would like.
2006-11-14 08:00:17 · answer #10 · answered by Bev 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋