Me and my husband are more than 99% sure that we are going to split up after Christmas. We are waiting until after Xmas to make Christmas for our little boy more enjoyable.
He doesn't seem to know anything is wrong between us as we are very good actors and most conflicts are only aired when he is sound asleep. (I know-he will pick up on the environment etc)
My question is, how the hell do I tell my 4 year old son that Daddy is leaving?
I obviously understand that the truth as to why isnt an option (unfailthful husband-Bastard!!) as he is not old enough to phycologically deal with all that adult stuff, I just don't know what I will say when he asks the inevitable question "Why???"
Please help me as I am wanting to do things right and be the strong mum that he will need me to be........I have promised myself that although I will be in pieces inside I will stay strong for my little man, he doesn't deserve this anymore than I do!!
Answers on a postcard please........
2006-11-14 07:50:26 · 13 answers · asked by desperate housewife!!! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Both you and your husband need to discuss how to tell him together and then do so together. Make sure that you communicate that it is not your son's fault. While you may feel betrayed by your husbands actions, you need to maintain a civil relationship with him and maintain that illusion in front of your son. Both you and your husband should discuss what to tell and how to tell before you tell your son and be in agreement. Practice it with each other if need be, but think about all the things that your son might ask and try to come up with answers for them. You should both tell your son, many times throughout the conversation, that you love him and that this is a problem between you and your husband. I would certainly wait a month or two before telling him though as you don't want him to associate Christmas with the divorce.
2006-11-14 07:56:39 · answer #1 · answered by bigej65 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have found that honesty is the best policy for any age. Just be aware of his maturity level and what he can & cannot understand. If your soon to be ex is going to be living with someone else, then say so. If not, then when your son asks you WHY tell him you don't know why, but daddy wants to live somewhere else and not here. After the next why, you need to tell him to ask his daddy...
Later in life, he will be greatful that you were honest with him. Can you imagine him telling his friends that you said Dad was going out for a while, but never came back?
2006-11-14 08:02:05 · answer #2 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about how to bring it up, but when he asks why, you should explain that adults have very complex relationships and mommy and daddy's relationship didn't work out the way you planned. Mom and dad aren't going to live together anymore, but we are still your mom and dad and love you so much. This was a problem between mom and dad, so you (your son) shouldn't feel bad or mad. It will be sad to not have your dad around, but he still wants to be a part of your life. Mom and dad just don't want to be a part of each others' lives anymore.
Your (soon to be ex) husband should talk to him also. Always be very open with him and talk to him like an adult in words he can understand. He won't understand all of it, but it's better to take a more mature approach. Remember, kids always think divorce is their fault. I don't think you should even give him the idea by saying "It's not your fault" but to basically say that in more subtle ways like "You shouldn't feel bad about it." or "it's between mom and dad". Do NOT lie to him. You should always be open about it and willing to talk about it, while giving your son the chance to make his own decision about his dad.
2006-11-14 08:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him he is leaving and will see him now and then, but not every night. That's all you have to say. Your son is 4 and anything else you say he won't understand. He will ask for several weeks "why isn't daddy here?" and that's normal.
I see the boneheads above are suggesting you lie. DON'T! Your son just needs to know that daddy is leaving, and he can be told why in a few years when he can understand better. Just make sure he knows his dad and you love him.
2006-11-14 07:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by non_apologetic_american 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A. NO he doesnt love you , how do i understand this? because if a guy loves you he doesnt answer a question with a question and he doesnt bypass out without you and he doesnt inform you he's really contained in the relationship on your SON!!!!!! B. Why are you subjecting your son to this present day after damn day? Your his mom commence appearing like it , stop irritating about this jerk kick him out on his @zz and make him pay you allimony , baby help and what ever else a choose would hand you , not in any respect draw close onto a guy only because you dont imagine your worth to be loved. C. Your husband feels like my 1st husband , a self concentrated , self absorbed , egocentric , verbally , emotionally and bodily abusive @zzhole. stop wondering from between your legs and commence taking under consideration that little boy he wont be at a bonus with the idjit in his living house elevating him to study its alright to be a Pr**ok
2016-11-24 19:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that daddy got his very own home and going to live on his own, plus that daddy will regulary come to visit him and vice versa.
And also tell him the same thing will also happen to him when he grows up.
Note: It might be kinda ironic if after he growed up that he have to leave the house due to you disapproved his relationship with a girl (or boy), like what you feel toward his father.
As for answers on a postcard, I assume you mean words on a postcard for your son about his father.
"Dad's new home."
"I hope you will be happy in your new home, dad."
2006-11-14 08:36:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am 21 and I have a 12 year old sister, our parents recently split and my mom just told us she just said me are your father are separating....so for a four year old(they are smart at 4) I would just let him know that daddy is going away and that he can still see him (if you want him to) or he can talk to him (also up to you) when ever he wants to. That is if he is really close to his dad.
2006-11-14 08:07:43 · answer #7 · answered by Monica H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not tell you son that his daddy is leaving. Leaving is a powerful word to a kid. It has a scary finality about it.
Tell him his daddy is moving to see what it's like. And tell him that he really doesn't want to move because he loves him (your child), but that it is a job that some grownups have to do sometimes. Tell him it is a good thing and to not be sad about it - but to be happy because things are supposed to get even better than they are now.
Something like that anyway. Good luck.
2006-11-14 08:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by mecasa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Daddy's got some business out of town and will be gone for awhile." First and foremost, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER speak poorly to your son about his father. No child deserves that! No matter how YOU feel, keep all negatives to yourself. This must be very painful for you. I am so sorry. And, do allow your son to see his Dad whenever he can. He's very young, but children are very smart.
2006-11-14 07:54:21 · answer #9 · answered by CURIOUS 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be honest. And let him know that he is not the problem. It is not his fault. That his dad loves him (and it is a shame that you had to kill him hahahaha) Seriously, make sure that his dad is present when he is told. It is the responsibility of BOTH parents to let him know together because he will have questions for both of you.
2006-11-14 07:53:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋