My husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years now. He is so wonderful. We have our disagreements but nothing horrible. He works incredibly hard and often comes home tired. My best friend and her husband have been married for 6 years. They are more like roommates that have sex. She confides in me all the time about how she loves him but feels as if he is tired of her. She is always jokingly telling my husband that he is "whipped" because he takes care of my needs so well. ( But I do the same for him.) She tells me everything about her life, as I do with mine. We were the very best of friends. Since her husband works overnight frequently, she spends the night at my home often. She sleeps on the couch and my husband with me in our room. Yesterday however my husband fell asleep on the couch so she slept on his side of the bed, instead. I woke up around 5 a.m and saw she was gone, figuring she was inthe bathroom i tried to go back to sleep but something felt wrong.
2006-11-14 07:16:49 · 40 answers · asked by notme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unacceptable, leave them both and move on, get what you can from your husband for his committing adultry and find a man and friend that deserve you.
2006-11-14 07:20:29 · answer #1 · answered by daisy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that. This person is not your "friend". If she was, she wouldn't have slept with your husband! Kick her to the curb immediately!
Your first mistake was getting too "close" to her and telling her "everything" about your life. There is no reason to share everything about your personal life with anyone.
Your second mistake was allowing another woman to spend the night at your place with the two of you so frequently. Are you really that naive and trusting? I have a lot of "friends" but I don't think you need to "tempt" fate.
Stop making "excuses" for your husband, he was wrong. Marriage is built on love, respect and trust. He has shown you "none" of those things by his actions. I don't care how "hard" he works or how "tired" he is, it's not an excuse to have an "affair".
Your marriage needs some serious "work". You might need some professional counseling to get it back on track. You are the only one who can decide where things go from here. You have some choices and decisions to make and they aren't going to be easy.
If you love your husband, if he's remorseful and if he's willing to do "whatever it takes" to fix this, maybe you can "work through it" with some help. People can survive "affairs" and some are able to rebuild their "trust".
I wish you the best of luck, I think you're going to need it.
2006-11-14 07:35:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can forgive both of them, then do so. Move on. Find you a little something on the side and tell your husband, it's only for the sex.
There are people out there that do forgive and move on. There must be some one out there you have 'thought' about. Someone that has caught your eye but because you took your wedding vows serious did not act. This is the time your allowed to act on those thoughts.
As for the 'female' friend you allowed into your home - 'lessoned' learned' I'd say wouldn't you, the hard way.
I wouldn't want her has a friend, would not even consider her as a friend. I would forgive her and move on.
Best of luck.
2006-11-14 07:29:50 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently, your hubby's not the man you thought he was. I'd also say your "best friend" needs to go. A friend does not sneak downstairs to have sex with your hubby. Just because her husband isn't home at night, doesn't give her the right to come over and sleep with yours! Sounds like she's jealous of what you have and might be trying to get a piece of the action. I say, get a new best friend and take another look at your relationship with your husband.
2006-11-14 07:48:16 · answer #4 · answered by Angela F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not call her my friend anymore. I would also not let him off so easy either. If you can trust him after that, good for you, but it would leave a doubt in mind all the time and I am not sure I could live with that. I would think that he would never want her over again and should be so ashamed of what he did. We can overcome some things, but trust is the hardest thing that can be broken in a marriage and not always can be fixed.
2006-11-14 07:27:06 · answer #5 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOoohh honey I'd be livid... & after being livid... I can't say here. I'd be telling my best friend to start staying at home... & I'd have a very long conversation with my husband as to WHY he was having sex with my best friend. I'd ask him if VOWS meant anything to him.... & then I'd let him have it about how he made me feel. Then.. after you've lit into him... you should light into your "best friend" & explain to her that while you share eachother's friendship... you DON'T share your husband. If that is what her idea is of a best friend, then she isn't a friend at all. After telling these 2 about how you feel... then you need some time to think of what it is YOU want to do. Those hard questions only you can answer.. such as... should I.. or can I forgive him? It takes a very strong person to forgive their spouse for such adultrous things, but it has been known to happen.
2006-11-14 07:28:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You haven't thrown both of them out yet. One thing I have learned in life is to never truly put all your trust in someone. My ex-bestfriend slept with my ex-boyfriend, which wasn't a ex at the time. If I had walked in on my husband and my best friend, I would probably have tried to kill them both. Have you told her husband yet? Do it as soon as possible. Maybe you two can hook up... Good luck.
2006-11-14 07:33:59 · answer #7 · answered by Xena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you want to know what?
He betrayed your marriage, hon. And your girlfriend betrayed her friendship to you. Patch it up if you wish -- In your place, I'd have vomited in his face, and asked for a divorce.....
Marriage is Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust. The trust is gone, and within the next two years the rest of it will erode. Get some counseling if you wish to save this marriage...both of you. But be prepared for at least two years for it to heal up, if at all. When mine cheated, I was gone,,,,,, outa there, left the state,and found someone else. Trust is a big deal to me. If it isn't to you, then.... fine.
You asked what do you do????? What WAS he thinking????
2006-11-14 07:26:55 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you have figured the folly of having scandelous gf's staying at your house, huh? Well, first I would call her husband and tell him his wife needs to get her P**** off my husband and to keep his hoe wife at home, and then I'd turn my attention to my soon to be ex husband. Make a plan, get your money sorted out and get ready to be single darling, this one is not going to last. Sorry! Good luck!
2006-11-14 07:26:46 · answer #9 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen carefully if you care about your man NEVER NEVER NEVER let another woman stay over. Mistake number 1.
Yeah, we know that she at least tried it with him and i think that they probably f***** and then she felt guilty and didnt want to face you. If you ever catch them in the act, just pull up a chair and sit down until they notice you and when they are finished tell them to get the f*** out.
2006-11-14 07:43:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋