Why on earth!!!!!!does he want a baby so bad?????

Question

I am 20 and dont feel ready to have a baby yet but my 24 year old husband wants too have one now!I do not graduate college till next year and feel its a bad idea. I also might want to go for my masters i think by the time i am 23 or 24 i will be ready for my first child just not now.He has been really persistant hounding me for sex 24/7 no joke. I am afraid to fall asleep at night because i am afraid he will try something or try and start something.I also seem to be loosing my sex drive. Please help i have tried to explain this to him has not worked yet!?

Only married a year and i have tried to comprimise by saying lets wait till i finish school and your not raveling as much!He works for a rap label. nothing works?

Answer 1

If you feel as though you aren't ready for a baby, you need to stick to your guns. Getting pregnant before you are ready will only harm your relationship with your husband and likely it will make you feel as though your baby (and husband) are holding you back from fulfilling your dreams. I would definitely suggest you get on the pill, shot, or IUD immediately, especially if the fear of having sex is keeping you up at night.

Also, you need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. He's not respecting your opinion OR your body. That's not what marriage is about. It's okay for him to have different wants and needs, but it's not okay for him to pressure you until you're uncomfortable. He needs to accept your point of view, even if he doesn't agree with it. After all, you're the one who will be carrying a baby for nine months, not him. He also needs to understand that you are afraid of him taking advantage of you in your sleep. I'm sure if you put it that way he will understand. If you're sleeping and he is entering you or trying to penetrate you, then that is RAPE since you have not given him consent. If he can't grasp that concept then you have bigger problems on your hands.

Please, talk to him before this ruins your marriage. He has the right to know how you feel.

Answer 2

You need to wait until YOU are ready. I know it is a decision between you and your husband, but it really will be you that will be changing, getting sick, getting tired, growing big, and delivering and taking care of your baby. It is sweet that he wants one already, but ultimately, if you aren't ready, he needs to understand that. Graduating can be a good thing, I highly recommend you doing so...if you ever lost your means of support, you would have a good degree that would allow you to get a good job. However, don't put it off forever...as you grow older, it becomes more and more difficult...of course you are only 20, so you have some time. :) Your sexual drive is probably waning because you are so worried about conceiving...that is completely normal and your husband should understand this. It isn't always about him, it is now about you BOTH! And your needs need to be considered just as much. Maybe you could have him look at books or materials on the Internet to show him how much having a baby (or even being pregnant) can change things dramatically. Families are wonderful things, but if you aren't ready, it would be unwise to just do it to please him. Good Luck and I hope your husband can be patient just a little longer. :) Best wishes!

Answer 3

Well, you're losing your sex drive because you feel pressured. I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't listening to what you're saying about not wanting a baby just yet. It isn't like you're telling him it'll never happen. He should respect you, since it'll be your body that will suffer all the trauma of having a baby (it's also wonderful, though, to feel it kick). I had a boyfriend a few years ago who took off the condom, held me down, and did what I considered rape because after he took it off I didn't want him inside. I broke up with him and a month later he had the audacity to call me and ask if he was going to be a "daddy". I didn't get pregnant (thank goodness) so I told him no and that if he called again, my best friend (6'7" with a linebacker build) would pay him a visit. Never heard from him again. Unfortunately you married this one. I don't know how he is with everything else, but I say he's being a jerk in this situation.

Answer 4

Well, remember....you married a man that is 4 years older. When you are only 24, he will be 28. That's a big difference to someone who wants a family young. That's what I considered when I gave into my husband. He is 5 years older than me, and I knew that me waiting until I was older was putting a strain on him. It was important to me to give him the family he wanted, and to think of the way he was feeling. If you really can't handle being a mom right now, I guess put your foot down and tell him no. Maybe take a break and go spend a night or two at a friend's house to make him think. Good Luck!

Answer 5

We had our first baby when I was 21 and my husband was 24. We were very young and it does change everything! Having a baby is the most wonderful thing, BUT my advice would be to tell him that while you are just as excited to have a baby, you would like to wait until you are both ready. You have plenty of time to have a baby. I am sure he wouldn't like to be forced into something, and also you don't want to end up resentful of him later on. Be understanding of his point of view, but also ask he do the same with yours. If that doesn't work maybe try to compromise on both sides. I can tell you from experience that it is not easy and is a HUGE responsibility that you both have to be ready for!! Best of luck... wish you well

Answer 6

I would say that he is insecure. Having a baby might, in his mind, bind you to him. This feeling of insecurity might be exacerbated by the fact that you will be graduating soon and therefore more able to be financially independent if you so desired. He might also be threatened by your desire to go on for your Master's. Some men wouldn't like for their wives to have more education than they do because they are inherently competitive. I would go on birth control and then seek out some marriage counseling if I were you. Above all else, don't have a child until you are absolutely ready. It's the child's ENTIRE life that would be affected. Good luck.

Answer 7

You should definately wait until you are ready to have a child. It is a huge responsibility. Tell him that you need to finish school and be in a more comfmortable position to have a child. A couple of years is not that big of a wait, you are so young. Take birth control pills, so that you can control when you want a baby. You need to have a deep heart to heart talk with him and let him know your concerns and talk to him as to WHY he wants a bab so bad at such a young age!!!

Answer 8

Don;t know your husband, or your "happiness" I do know that if you aren't ready, wait til you are or chances are you would resent the child and your husband. Another thought, is he trying to hold you back, make you become the housewife and mother? Sometimes men don't want "Their Woman" out in the world because they are insecure..... Just a though... Best of Luck

Answer 9

Tell him to back off. You want to finish school so you'll have time to be a better mother instead of exhausted from late feedings, school, and studying. Another year or two won't kill either of you. It sounds like you are the responsible one in the marriage. Take that as a warning that upon delivery, you might have 2 kids instead of one. If he keeps pushing you, you might want to get an IUD or something so he cannot screw with your pills. Its one thing to want a baby, its another to terrorize your partner with it.

Answer 10

I think he just wants to have a young family, and be a young father. He is at the age you would be ready, maybe he is hoping you will be too. Since you are not ready yet, tell him in one year you will re think it. You should be done or almost done with school, and he will still be young. Good Luck!