i told my mom I'm gay?

Question

she kick me out of the house and told me to go to the strip clubs (I just turned 18) she told me i would have to be straight again to talk to her and to ever be accepted in her family. what should i do follow my heart or change to be accepted

Answer 1

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, unfortunantly sometimes it comes with the territory.

To me a mother is not a mother if they abandon thier child for being who they are. You are the sole controller of your life and your heart.

In NY a parent cannot kick their child out of the house until they turn 21 and if they do they have to pay what is basically child support. Because in NY if you are under 21 you cannot collect any kind of assistance from the government and are still technically your parents responcibility. If you live in NY, go down and try to apply for section 8 stating that your mother kicked you out, they will call her and say if she does not let you back home then she will have to pay you so you can get yourself on your feet and survive on your own.

What I would do is see if you have any supportive relatives or close friends that might be able to talk to your mom for you... I'm sure us here in the GLBT section aren't the only ones who feel what your mother did is wrong. But what I'm sure everyone will agree that you cannot change the person that you are. You are truthful which is why you told your mother you were gay. She wants you fake it and lie so she doesn't have to deal with the idea of a gay son which is the most idiotic thing in the world.

Next time you talk to her tell her that a real mother wouldn't kick thier child out with no one to go, a real mother would be too concerned about what might happen to her child... she may have given birth to you but as far as I'm concerned, if she continues to act this way, she is just another fanatic who can't come to grasp with the reality of the situation. I wonder if she would've taken it better if you said you're a crack head, prostitue that kills people?

My email is open if you ever need to talk and please use it if you need to, this can't be easy for you and I want you to know you are not alone and that you are still cared about... good luck and I hope it all works out for you in the end

Answer 2

i am a 41 year old woman, i do not have children, but have thought about what i would do if my child were gay. so what! what do i care who he/she falls in love with. love is love and it feels damn good no matter who the person is. I don't understand why some parents react this way. I am sorry this happened to you. You could end up like me 41 and single with no children or grandchildren and basically alone. would your mom prefer that? I hope that she is just in shock. She may calm down after she realizes it is not a choice, but something you were born with, and she will loose you forever. Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't change urself. U'll never be accepted. Your mom should accept u regardless of who u want in ur bed. If she can't accept that, then there will always be things she can't accept. R u to keep changing urself to keep pleasing her? What about when she dies? Where will u be then? Who will u change for then? It may hurt, she may horribly disappoint you, but don't forget, u are alive for u and u alone. Think of the havoc u could wreck by not being honest.

I know for me I could never fake being w/ a woman. R u to fake being w/ a woman to please ur mom? That's unfair on everyone, but ur mother. And unfortunately for her, she's not God, she's not the sun, she's ur mother.

Live life for u, she has her life, let her live hers and tell her that she can control her own life, if she wants, but ur life is ur own.

And as for ur mom, I have a suspicion that if u drop out of her life for a few months, maybe even years, maybe just maybe YOU DON'T APPROVE OF HER JUDGEMENTAL BEHAVIOUR AND CRASS ATTITUDE AND COMPLETE CLOSEMINDED BS and maybe just maybe, YOU DON'T ACCEPT IT, perhaps with these, she'll change her tune.

Demand respect. Why the hell should u have to change? She birthed u and if she can't accept that, then tell her to go to hell and live ur life with the knowlegde, that though there may be love, its a harmful, destructive love and being wthout is better.

If she changes her tune and can accept ur lifestyle, then maybe persue a more loving relationship with her.

But do keep in mind, she's the one who let u down, not the other way around.

Answer 4

get on out then. someday she'll realize that you're her son and your love is more imortant to her than who you have sex and romantic relationships with. this is a common knee jerk reaction of parents. they see it as a stain on their parenting skills. you are in a large majority of queers. follow your heart and make your own way in life. your parents can only raise you and instill some values in you they can't live your life for you. some queers have had to create their own new families becase they never gain acceptance from family. some have reconcilliation many years later. i was lucky: i might as well have said pass the salt for all the excitement my coming out caused. you're almost grown and you'll be fine.
btw strip clubs is really not a great idea. the twinks that work there usually end up on drugs and with some daddy (pimp) that says they're teaching them the way. it's the wrong way.

Answer 5

god that is really terrible but you cant change your feelings just like that!, your mom might need some time to adjust to the idea. it might help if you asked a good friend or relative to have a word with her, she will eventually get used to the idea but for the time being shell need some time to get used to the idea. i feel really sorry for you, i hope everything works out for the best but do give her a while, do you have anywhere to stay? if you have your own key to the house use it, convince your mom that you wont get in her way and if shell let you stay then theres a chance shell get used to the idea, just dont rub her nose in it or anything. Good Luck, and i really mean it!!

Answer 6

You cannot change what you are, try as you might. Under the circumstances I understand your desire to try, but it won't work. You might hide it for a time, but it would still be there and you would know it was, and eventually -- well -- its what you are. Do you think if you were hiding yourself from her that your mother's "acceptance" would be real? Or would it be a fraud based on her lack of knowledge?

Your mother's actions are not the actions of an adult or of a parent, they are the actions of a self-indulgent spoiled bully. Be that as it may -- you need to deal with yourself now. You need to let her go -- and there is nothing harder I've heard than letting ones mother go.

If you need to talk, email me. I can listen.

You are loved just as you are.

Kind thoughts,

Reynolds Jones
[e-mail]

Answer 7

My friend, this is SO common among gay people disclosing to their families, their orientation.

Sadly, and sickly true, many families react just as your mother has.

Here's my advice. STICK TO YOUR GUNS. You will never be happy if you ran back just to be accepted. You will always resent your family for making you into someone you're not. (did you notice I said someONE, rather than someTHING)

Your family may choose to forget you, or not speak to you for a long period of time, but my friend, the great news is, they will soon learn how shallow they are (were) when you are no longer there.

It may be lonely at first, but with your new gay lifestyle and gay friends/family it will get easier as you go along.

Again, I stress, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH, and BE YOURSELF for you, not for others. You will be so much stronger in the end.

Good luck,

bga

Answer 8

Don't ever change to be accepted by small-minded people! I'm so very sorry you don't have a supportive and loving family. The important things to realize are that you are not alone, there is nothing wrong with you, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Answer 9

Be yourself, give your mom some time to come to terms with what you just told her. Give her some space, if you can go to a friend's house and stay for a couple of days, then call your mom to see if she's ready to talk. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Just follow your heart. If your family really love you they will accept the person you are not what they want you to be . But it will take its time .