my boyfriend, who has a hard time communicating his feelings, approached me recently and asked my thoughts on marriage. i would like to in the future, but he has clearly stated he does not believe in marriage, that he shouldn't have to get married to commit to someone. He has been engaged in the past, but been hurt in these relationships. i don't know if his unwillingness to get married is due to past problems, or if he is testing me to see if i will still commit to him regardless of his beliefs. he brings up marriage subtly now and then, in little ways i happen to notice. I can accept if he doesn't want to get married, but i can't help but to wonder if perhaps he has other intentions in the future, and is testing me? please help, i would really appreciate someone's opinions, thank you!
2006-11-14 06:53:09 · 13 answers · asked by nightwolf 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like Valerie suggests unless he is at least thinking about the possibilty of marriage he would never have brought it up to you.
2006-11-14 07:02:46 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my fiancee. He doesn't like the idea of marriage and he use to joke with me about it or be a smarta** when I would mention it. But we are starting to plan for it now. He knows I want to get married and wish to do so before we have kids. He is scared of marriage and I have asked him why and he gives me the "I don't know" answer. Give him some time, just sort of broach the subject sometimes and slowly. If he really loves you and wants to be with you and marriage is what you want, then I am sure he will do it. My fiancee did the engaged thing once also, and then he came home to her in bed with another man. It has taken him some time to realize that I am not the rest of them. Just give him time. Good luck.
2006-11-14 07:11:08 · answer #2 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably has done the math and realized that he has absolutely nothing to gain by signing the contract and A HELL OF A LOT TO LOSE. For a man there is absolutely no advantage to marriage over living together, and that's just a simple fact. He's realizing this fact and I think you will end up in a stable committed relationsihp that is not marriage and if you "break up" then you will miss out on getting half his stuff (depending on your state laws.) No problem, unless you want that "if we break up I get half your stuff" bonus of marriage.
I'll bet he even agrees to a wedding-type ceremony as long as you do not get legally married.
2006-11-14 06:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might be reading too much into it. He may just be curious what you think on the subject. I myself have discussed marriage with people purely for entertainment purposes, not because I was "testing" them. Then again, he *may* be trying to determine for himself how "sold" you are on the idea of getting married. If he does not plan to get married, and you want to do so, your realtionship will be doomed. Depending on your position, he may be contemplating a possiblity that you both are wasting your time if your relationship goals are ultimately incompatible.
2006-11-14 07:01:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop wondering and ask him. Point out that while he says he does not believe in marriage he is the one always bringing it up. Remind him that you've told him already that while it's something you have thought about that you are also willing to accept that he does not want to. Enough is enough. If he can't accept your answer the first time then he never will.
I dated someone that did this and while I was also willing to accept no marriage it was maddening that he kept asking me about it. Unfortunately he couldn't accept my answer the first, second, third, twentieth, etc... time.
2006-11-14 06:59:23 · answer #5 · answered by Elisabeth R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll agree, he is probably thinking about a long term commitment and even marriage. Let him bring it up and just ask questions and listed to what he says. He might want to go that route someday soon.
2006-11-14 06:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by goldenfir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You hit the nail on the head with your first sentence. Your boyfriend has always had problems with, and will always have problems with relationships if he can't learn to communicate. If he is worth it to you, then you need to get him help in the communicating department, If he is not willing to give it a go then you are in for a miserable relationship.
2006-11-14 07:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by fall guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a game. It's his way of keeping you around because he knows that you're interested in marriage and he knows that he can give you a quilt trip if you "fail" his test; which isn't actually a test at all.
2006-11-14 06:57:48 · answer #8 · answered by tiffd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is playing wth your emotions, you need to talk to him and tell you his intentions. You will not be waiting forever for him to make up his mind. If he doesn''t come clean then move on. He shouldn't be wasting your time just because he is afraid of what might happen.
2006-11-14 07:00:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men generally NEVER bring up the word "marriage" unless they intend to eventually propose.
2006-11-14 06:56:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋