Okay this is a long one. My wife and I recently split up. I'm 32. Now we are talking about getting back together. My problem is that we were only apart for a few months (4), and I'm not sure that i know (or want to know who she is now). She dated a guy briefly 4 dates or so, bought a bunch of sex toys, (which i hate), started smoking pot, and hanging out with people that are not the best influences. Going out to bars and flirting with people. I swear that the whole time we were apart, I didnt so much a hug anyone. I feel like I must have been holding her back from doing what she wanted to do when we were married. My overactive imagination zooms. We are living together again now.....Should I try and get over this or just not get attached?
2006-11-14 06:05:03 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I forgot to mention that while I do sound rather boring... I am a Wildland Firefighter thats the reason for the no smoking pot thing....In addition to that Im am frequently gone for days and weeks at a time....Thats where the insecurity comes from I guess...............
2006-11-14 06:30:19 · update #1
i think you should not settle. it is over, you nor her are the same person now.. so now you need to go out and work on you and forget about her.. she did..
2006-11-14 06:15:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the point in getting back together if you're not gonna "get attached"? Do you just need someone to clean and cook for you? Hire a housekeeper, it'll be cheaper in the long run. So, your wife tried some new things while you were separated... maybe she didn't like them after all. If she's still smoking pot, you might have a problem; everything else is just an emotional thing for you. Honestly, it sounds to me like you might have a stick up your behind a little, and she is a bit more open. Doesn't mean it can't work, but you can't let it bother you if you're going to continue living with her.
2006-11-14 14:26:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like since you were split up that she figured she was free to do what she wanted. If she continues to hang out at bars and smoke pot she may not be for you anymore. The toy part could be just for her as you weren't around. If she was already dating in those short 4 months I would be worried about it. Is she worth getting over it for.. that you must answer yourself. Good Luck.
2006-11-14 14:08:39 · answer #3 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At times people rebel while they are separating. Looking for all the wrong things. Some people deal with separation differently. The best advice that I can give you is that you need to talk to your wife about the feelings that you are having. Keep in mind that the things that she was doing was when you two were separated so you shouldn't hold that against her. Also keep in mind that she might have been doing those things to get your attention. I suggest that you guys go and speak to a marriage counselor so you can fix what has gone wrong.
2006-11-14 14:21:44 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got an great idea....Why not join her and have some fun . I bet she would love to show you some of the fun she had .Hey smoking pot isn't a big deal anymore . You may actually like some of the things she has experienced since you were apart . Good luck to both of you!
2006-11-14 14:11:52 · answer #5 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she just needed to get some young stuff out of her system that she never did when she was a young single woman....but you never said did you get some help to work out the problems that you split over while you were seperated if not then i don't think you guys did anything to try and make it work basicly you took a vacation. If she truely want to be with you she will commit to you and you need a mutal party to help you cope with a new life together.
2006-11-14 14:17:38 · answer #6 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be she needed to let off the steam .... u are back togeather which means ... she came clean and told u all she did and ur back cuz u guy love each other. Forget it ... move on ... make it work ... have some fun now that u know what she likes... may be not smoke pot... but clubbing.. adventurous sex... etc ...
good luck
2006-11-14 14:09:38 · answer #7 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your wife needs to grow up. Even if yall were seperated, you're still married. I'm 18 and gave a lot up to be married to my husband. Including the parties, and everything that goes with that. I know you love her, but if you dont talk to her about it now, it will just get worse. Is she still smoking pot? If so, you know the legalities of that. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-11-14 14:20:01 · answer #8 · answered by uh_huh_ok_wassup_shutup 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a decision to make. You need to either get over it and love her for who she is, or you need to kick her to the curb. Maybe you need to open up a bit and see what she needs. Maybe you arent fulfilling her needs. maybe you are boring. Im not saying that you are bad, nor am i saying that all of the things she is doing are good. There is nothing wrong with sex toys or having some great sexual fun.
2006-11-14 14:09:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she just needed to get some of that out of her system. So long as she has stopped going out to bars and such and you are willing to try and work it out, then give it a try. Its a marriage. Things get difficult some times. Make the effort and if you see that it isnt working, then you can consider other options.
2006-11-14 14:11:34 · answer #10 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you married too young, then she was just having fun. If you are back together and the behavior you don't like is gone, then it was a phase she was going through.
You have to decide whether you want to stay or go now.
2006-11-14 14:11:34 · answer #11 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋