What should I do?

Question

My husband and I are recently separated and we started out with him having the kids every other weekend. Now he wants them on Tuesday and Thursday nights over night. My son is 14 and my daughter is 6. My daughter and I have a routine every morning and every night as far as getting ready for school, doing homework, play time and all that. We have a very close bond and I feel that he's trying to take that away from me just because he realizes the time he's missed with her. I am at my wits end and I don't want to feel controlling and I've talked to our marriage counselor about it and she says that I should let him and let it run its course. I don't feel comfortable about it and feel like I have to give in to him again. I do feel that he is taking away MY time with her. Like I said earlier, my daughter and I have a very special bond. She was 3 months premie and I about died after she was born. What should I do? Should I let him have them 2 nights (school nights) or something else?

Answer 1

He is their father. He will probably get them one night a week in the divorce if he pushes it anyway.

Maybe you could strike a compromise with him. How about evenings only 2 nights a week instead of overnight.. to keep the continuity for your daughter to sleep at home. . OR maybe just one night a week they stay the night with him. The 14 year old leagally can probably decide on their own where they want to be.

My son can see his father anytime he wants or needs to. I don't feel threatened by it.

good luck to you during this difficult time

Answer 2

I think you should try letting him have those two nights a week. I highly doubt that he's trying to ruin the bond between you and your daugher (although stranger things have happened) He may feel the bond between you and your daughter, and crave a smiliar type of bond with both your children, and he may feel that a little more time with them each week may help him achieve that goal. All I can say is give it a go, and if problems arise, address them then. Who knows? Maybe you'll start to enjoy those two nights without the children, or perhaps it will make the time bonding with your daughter sweeter because you don't get to do it quite as much.

Answer 3

There was a lot of "my" in what you wrote.
Every child including your daughter NEEDS both a mother and a father.

The marriage counselor said to let it run its course and now you are here to try and find an excuse not to.

Take a step back and think what is best for the child.
Is YOUR special bond with your daughter more important than her bond with HER father?

Answer 4

Look he seems as though he wants to be the good guy so let him but they always say that too much of something is never good so let him have them. As often as you could and always have a good reason for him to baby sit. If he is trying too hard to be more liked thanm you I'm sure that when he lets them have their own way and tries to change it around things might just go a bit sour for him. Then he would just want them for every other weekend again just like old times. Adn remember boys will always be boy if you know what I mean he is going to want a chick over some time...

Answer 5

This is more about you feeling like you have to "give in" to your ex again than anything else. I understand the bond that you have with your daughter (although you don't seem to care whether or not your son goes), and that you have a routine, but things have changed, and you have to learn to adapt to that.

How would you like it if the roles were reversed and you only got to see your kids every other weekend? It would probably kill you, just like its doing to your husband now. Give him his two nights a week - although I would try to make them consecutive nights to make things more routine for the kids.

Answer 6

I think it would be much easier for him to have them on the weekends especially since there is a routine that you have with her talk to him and explain this to him to see if he will just see the kids on weekends because its much easier. But you have to remember their his kids to so you need to work something out I dont believe that he is trying to break the bond you have with her. At least he wants to see his kids and still be in their life at least give him that. If he wants the kids on those 2 days tell him the routine and just make it work for all of you dont get mad at him at least he is trying. I am sorry i am not much help on this one. No one can ever break the bond between a mother and daughter you dont have to worry about that.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, you are going to have to give a little... By denying him this, you are placing your children in the middle, which isn't good. I have joint custody of my teenage boys. But I put a spin on the time frame. We do not go 5 days without our kids. I have them Sunday evenings, Monday - Tuesday evening. He has them Tuesday evening - Friday afternoon. Then it's every other weekend, beginning Friday evening. I couldn't bear the thought of 7 on 7 off...

As for your bond with your daughter? - don't worry, you will NEVER lose that! It isn't about control, it's about love, which is giving!

Best of everything to you - I know it's not easy...

Answer 8

How about every weekend instead of every other? I too had a preemie (3 1/2 months early) so I know what you are getting at. But dad needs to be there for them too and every other weekend really isnt much.

Answer 9

This is to taxing on children going and coming all the time. No its not healthy, they have a schedule and it needs to be the same. If he feels strongly about it let him have them Friday, Saturday and Sunday of every other week. This way will be better for the children. Lots of people will tell you, they are his kids too, and they are right. However, this should be about the childen and what is healthy for them and not what you or he wants.

Answer 10

As long as he is not a threat to the kids you should let him. On top of that the 14 year old is at that age where a positive or negative adult can mold him. I'm sure his father would be a positive role model.