What is a normal life? My husband wants me to start living a normal life? Help?

Question

Everytime my husband and I get in a fight it is the same thing. He gets mad because I check him on the computer and find out he has been chatting with girls. HE gets mad that I check him and says he doesn't want to be married to the F.B.I. he wants a wife. He says we don't have a normal life. Iask him what he wants in the normal life and he says just normal, wife husband, house, happy. Not checking, not always fighting. How do I change?

My parents divorced when I was 6 because my dad cheated on my mom. He used to take my younger sister and I on dates with him and his girlfriends while he was married to my mom. HE though we were too young to tell on him, but when I was 3 I did and my mom stayed with him for 3 more years, and he still cheated the whole time. Maybe that is why I don't trust my husband, even though I know it's not him. It's because I don't want to be stupid like my mom. It's so easy for men to cheat and that's why I check on him and see what he is doing. Any Advice?

He is not messing around behind my back. The chats are not of sexual nature. He makes no attempt to hide anything from me, I know his passwarod and I have access to the message archive to his Yahoo messanger. I just need help getting over my fear he is going to cheat. MY husband is a flirt, I have known that about him since the first time we met. But he would never cheat on me. He is faithful, but I am just scared all of the time I will be left alone. I've been left alone so much in my life, my life after my parents divorce was no picnic.

Answer 1

first, stop comparing your husband to your dad . . . I understand what you went through because my childhood was very similar . . but it is not fair to not trust your husband because of what your dad did . . . if him chatting with girls online is causing you to not trust him, talk to him about it (without arguing) and tell him how you feel about it . . . stop looking for him to mess up . . . if you're not sure what his idea of "normal" is, ask him to explain his version of a "normal" day, and try to do that . . . your husband is not happy, which is why he is seeking conversation from other women . . I'm not saying that it's right, but I'm just telling you what it is . . . if the computer is causing problems, get rid of it!!

Answer 2

Good that is all appears like a recipe for catastrophe. Many of the problems are coming from the truth that you had been married so younger and had children so younger. Emotionally neither of you are in a position to care for the responsiblities of parenting and marriage. That you may say that you are but your movements show that you are not. Don't take is for my part. I don't think that essentially the most liable 21 yr historical on the earth is competent for two children and a spouse. 21 is the age that almost all humans are in college ingesting all weekend and napping late, now not being a spouse and mom. You each will have to be home with your children. A bar isn't any situation for a mother or a father. You cannot manipulate your husband. No woman can control a person, many before you have tried and failed - trust me. However what which you could manage is your own conduct and just seeing that he is not being a accountable mum or dad does now not offer you a proper to do the same. Two wrongs do not make a correct. Your children need to be parented by their dad and mom, no longer a sitter. Not to point out the entire cash you might be spending on drinks, admission, sitters ect. That might be spent in far more practical locations. To not point out that night time golf equipment aren't the safest locations to be. Have you ever ever fairly appeared at the facts of rape, robbery and other violence that takes place in and round bars? Golf equipment are satisfactory once in awhile however you are just flirting with catastrophe. As soon as in awhile i am going dancing with the women, like as soon as a 12 months. And a couple of times a yr i go out for a drink with my husband. That's average for a married couple with kids. Not what's going on for your loved ones. Church isn't whatever you could drive either. I imply that you can bring a horse to water but you cannot make them drink. He has to find God on his possess, pushing the limitation just isn't going to aid. Plus you are not exactly dwelling a Christian existence proper now your self. He would feel like you might be being a hypocrit. I might advocate you attempt to get some counseling. If that doesn't work, at least live a good existence yourself. Probably he will comply with go well with.

Answer 3

YOU don't need to change...HE does! He should not be chatting online...and you have every right to be checking! My advice is to disconnect the internet at home. It will eliminate the whole situation from both sides so neither of you can get in trouble!

You don't trust your husband because you KNOW he is chatting with girls online...that is reason enough. He needs to stop doing that. Don't let him manipulate the situation and make it seem like YOU are doing something wrong because you aren't...he is in the wrong here. He can't have the happy home/wife/family that he wants if he is chatting to girls online!

Answer 4

You don't say whether the chats are of a sexual nature. If they are, I feel that is cheating and you have every right to be upset. If the chats are just normal conversation, then stay out of it. I have several female cyberfriends and my wife is aware of them. No problem. We discuss politics, religion, etc., stuff my wife doesn't enjoy discussing. My parents also divorced when I was 8, so I know what your saying, but unless your husband is giving you reason to believe he's cheating on you, leave it alone.

Answer 5

nicely that is all feels like a recipe for disaster. most of the topic matters are coming from the actual shown actuality that you've been married so youthful and had children so youthful. Emotionally neither of you're prepared to attend to the responsiblities of parenting and marriage. you may say that you're yet your movements educate that you're literally not. do not take is for my area. i do not imagine that the most to blame 21 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous contained in the global is waiting for 2 youthful children and an major different. 21 is the age that maximum persons are in college ingesting all weekend and slumbering previous due, not being a spouse and mom. You both could be living house inclusive of your children. A bar isn't any position for a mom or a father. you may't administration your husband. No lady can administration a guy, many earlier you've tried and failed - have self assurance me. yet what you may administration is your own habit and only because he's not being a to blame ascertain does not provide you with a suitable to do a similar. 2 wrongs do not make a suitable. your children need to be parented by way of their moms and dads, not a sitter. now to not indicate each and each and every of the money you're spending on beverages, admission, sitters ect. which will be spent in a lot extra effective places. now to not indicate that nighttime golf equipment are literally not the most secure places to be. have you ever fairly looked on the documents of rape, robbery and different violence that takes position in and round bars? golf equipment are tremendous once in awhile yet you're only flirting with disaster. once in awhile i bypass dancing with the females, like once a three hundred and sixty 5 days. and some cases a three hundred and sixty 5 days i bypass out for a drink with my husband. it fairly is regularly occurring for a married couple with children. not what is going on on your household. Church isn't some thing you may rigidity both. I propose you may carry a horse to water yet you may't cause them to drink. He has to discover God on his personal, pushing the project will not help. Plus you're literally not precisely living a Christian life in the present day your self. He would experience like you're being a hypocrit. i'd propose you try to get some counseling. If that doesn't artwork, a minimum of stay a competent life your self. possibly he will follow in structure.

Answer 6

Despite all the unfortunate detritus from your past, the real issue is about your husband using the computer for his own sexual gratification. Stepping back from this, you may have to examine the status of your marriage and whether this is a symptom of unresolved problems. If it's just about the computer, unplug it. Let him know in no uncertain terms that it's either Cyber-Susie or you. If it's more, I'd suggest counseling. There's no shame in it and it may do some good before things escalate. Good luck.

Answer 7

If your husband is chatting with girls on the computer, then he has the problem not you! He only wants you to be "normal", which to him probably means you take care of all of the wifely duties and let him do whatever and whom ever he wants. Tell him to take NORMAL and shove it! You don't need to change, if your husband can't love you for you, then you would be better off without him. Apparently your Mom wasn't stupid, they divorced!

Answer 8

He is not your father and if you trust him which you say you do thats good. If your marriage is rock solid you have nothing to worry about. I already went through this I thought my husband was cheating on me he lost interest in me didnt want to do anything put me down and then started looking at girls on the computer. I felt ugly and not good enough and things got pretty bad we almost got a divorce because i was mas at him for looking at these girls. He has stopped and we are trying to live a happier and healthier marriage. If he doesnt give you any suspicion that he is mesing around I wouldnt worry about it. I myself would be mad if my husband were chatting with other girls I would have a come apart. But you need to be careful because he is going to have all he can handle with you snooping around and call it quits. He is married to you he doesnt need to chat with girls on the computer. You need to talk with him and express your feelings and if he loves you then he should respect you enough to stop chatting with them. I see where you are coming from It hurts and once you know they are doing it you cant get it off your mind. I lost weight and was having panic attacks and chest pain. Once he stops chatting with girls it will put your mind at ease and you can live a normal life your husband has your heart he needs to give his to you and not share it with other girls.

Answer 9

Its not normal for a husband to be chatting with women on line. Therefore in order to have a normal marriage he has to stop chatting with women on line.

edit - even if the chatting is not sexual in nature, it upsets you. That alone should be enough to tell him that perhaps for the sake of the marriage he should stop. These are NOT close, personal friends you are asking he not have contact with, these are strangers.

Answer 10

Okay...this is how it's gonna have to be:
You two need to set up some STRICT groundrules. First rule: He has to promise not to chat with girls because it's his fault that you feel you have to check on him. If he doesn't understand this, then you have lost the battle already and you can't trust him.
Second rule: If he keeps his promise and gives you no reason to suspect him of cheating, then you have to stop checking on him.

Marriage is all about trust. If you can't trust each other, then you shouldn't stay married.