if you were raped, how do you explain to a 4 year old who her father is?

Question

i don't want to lie. but i don't want her to think shes a mistake.

Answer 1

A 4 year old probably won't understand the concept of rape. She won't think she's a mistake if you say that you love her and are so happy that she's your little girl. That you'd never want her anywhere else but with you. If you think she's smart enough to understand FULLY, then tell her as few details as possible for now. Later on, when she's older, I think that'd be a better time to tell her. I'm 16, and I've never met my dad. But, my mom wasn't raped, so I guess that's not the same. But, I think if you just give her very few details, and tell her how much you love her, that she'll be satisfied for a little while. I hope this works.

Answer 2

then you are going to have to lie, for the time being. when she gets older you can explain the circumstances of her conception, as well continue to let her know that no matter who or what her father is. She is the most important person in your life. For now just tell her that he daddy wasn't ready to be a daddy so he went far away

Answer 3

If your question is sincere, I commend you for keeping your little girl. That truly speaks of your character. It is a very serious and sensitive subject and I would really get the advise of someone I really trusted. Do you have a pastor or any church affilliations or any counselors you could ask? If not, I'm sure there are support groups for women in your situation that you can talk to. Good luck and God Bless....

Answer 4

Just try to change the conversation for some time, or invent an answer that wouldn't be lies, but would not be the hard truth. Somthing like : mommy knew daddy, but she forgot him now, as it was such a long time ago... Mommy doesn't have a good memory... God, my advice sucks! Sorry, won't even pretend to understand how you feel, but just think about your little baby and the future life...

Answer 5

This is definitely a hard one. I would say wait till she gets a little older to explain to her what happened to you and how you had her. I know you don't want to lie but sometimes truth is painful. I am sorry!

Answer 6

Wow Could you imagine finding out YOUR dad was a rapist? I think I would have to tell my child that her father died in a wreck or something while I was pregnant with her.
Sometimes lying is ok for the greater good. Would there be anybody else to tell her the real situation? You wouldn't want to tell her one thing and then somebody else tell her something else
Good Luck!!

Answer 7

The way to explain that she wasn't a mistake is to stress the fact that you had a choice to keep her or not. Even if you don't believe in "not", it would help with the overall explanation. Then, you don't have to lie.

Answer 8

1) You are a courageous and decent woman for carrying that child to term, loving her, and raising her. There must be times when it is difficult for you but BRAVO! for your decency and courage. (Please, I am not criticizing those who made a different choice.)

2) You are right. If she is asking questions about who her father is, then she needs some kind of answer. Kids don't ask questions until there's a gap to fill in their thought processes.

3) As much as I enjoy giving advice, I'm not going to even try to tell you what to say. I strongly suggest that you consult with a child psychologist and let him/her guide you in broaching the subject.

Answer 9

You need to lie.

Normally it is wrong but in this case you should make something up.

Is the father someone that you knew well? or a stranger?

If it was a friend or boyfriend, maybe your daughter could salvage a relationship with her father at some point.

What a tough situation, I am sorry to hear it.

Answer 10

Even if you didn't choose to get pregnant or to have sex you obviously chose to keep her therefore she is not a mistake!!!!! Keep loving her but telling her something like that at 4 could seriously damage her for life.