How do you cope when the truth hurts parents?

Question

I am a teacher with a lot of experience with ASD students; ASDs also run in my family. As a child, I had a form of linguistic disability which relates to an ASD (although my verbal communciation is now fine).

Sometimes I have to speak with parents and carers, and be very blunt with them about their kids' behaviours; basically what they cannot help and what they can but choose to do wrongly. I find it very hard because parents ALWAYS assume I don't know and am 'not being understanding' and that I've no experience of what I am talking about because I am able to seperate the behaviour from the syndrome and not just say 'ah poor thing'. This is not the case.

Anyone else have to give hurtful truths as part of their job? How do they do it without being tempted to sweep things under the rug to avoid being called mean?

I know people are helping, but just so people understand; I'm not a 'pushy' lecturing person. Maybe I exaggerated when I said 'always'- but some people do. They see me as a teacher with limited understanding of their issues, refusing to acknowledge maybe I do know what I'm saying 'first hand'.

Answer 1

I have to give hurtful truths on an everyday basis in my job, but we disguise it as 'Developmental Feedback.'
I make sure that everything i say is not judgemental and i avoid criticism. I also include as many motivational things i can think of to ensure that what i say is not taken in the wrong context. Also ensure to refer to the issues as relevant performance/ behaviours and not personality.
When people hear things that they do not want to, they go through 5 stages: denial, emotion, rationalisation, acceptance and then change - so allowing people to take some time to think about what you've said can be beneficial.
I also use what we call the AID model.
The A is for the 'Action' which is the thing that you notice or witness.
The I is for the 'Impact' which is the effect that the action has.
The D is for the 'Desired Outcome' which is your encouragement about how things can change.
Just remember you are doing this to help the children and their families, so do not take anything personally - you'll be the one who can sleep at night knowing you are doing your bit to shape a child's future in the best possible way. Good luck!

Answer 2

Being careful with the type of language you use might help to some extent. You can communicate the relevant facts in many ways, and diplomatic phraseology, combined with a gentle manner can diffuse aggression and help to stop the heckles going up. To some extent though, parents will be inclined to shoot the messenger, so it's inevitable that some of them will take it out on you, and be in denial. Try to remember how difficult it is for them to cope with having a child with ASD - although you have personal experience of family members having this, they won't necessarily respond positively to what you have to say - and draw on that experience of how they are probably treated by others who have no experience of ASD. This is likely to make them rather defensive, so if they take it out on you don't take it personally. It's probably a chance for them to vent, and whilst this is unpleasant for you, if you're diplomatic, whilst still being honest, that's all you can do, so you should try not to take it personally. I don't envy you that job!!

Answer 3

Information is power, and any information you can give them that they didnt have before will one day do some good, if not now, then later when they have had a chance to digest it. They need to reach a point where they ask themselves 'but what can we do about this?' and it is unlikely to be when they feel they are being lectured (whether or not this is the case).

A phrase I found useful (in other situations) is -
'I don't have a problem with this.' and then wrap up your advice in strictly information terms. Try and detach yourself from the outcome of the conversation...

Answer 4

I also have to tell parents difficult things about their children. Being truthful and reasonable works every time for me - I often start with "I know that this is difficult for you to hear..." and finish with "I am sure that we can work together to find the best solution/s for 'Johnny/Julie'". [Insert the name of the child as applicable]

We are all human beings with feelings and remembering that goes a long way to help parents, students and ourselves! Try not to get too stressed out about these sorts of meetings as you are less likely to show your true self.

Answer 5

NO !!! YOU danger getting ARRESTED for not exhibiting up in court docket even as the choose says you should. Contempt of court docket isn't any relaxing ! not in any respect LIE less than OATH !! back not in any respect LIE less than OATH! !! "I even could tell a touch white lie" NO you do not!! you would nicely be charged with PERJURY Y O U R E A L L Y W A N T T O G O T O J A I L ?? for both of your moms and dads ??????? the actual actuality your moms and dads are turning out to be the criminal professional's to subpoena You and your sister to Testify,, does not Make both one in all them up for ascertain of the three hundred and sixty 5 days Award. bypass and tell the truth !! Your moms and dads are supposedly ADULTS,, Time for them to act like it !!

Answer 6

If there is a speech specialist available at your school, perhaps you could have these children tested. Then, have the speech specialist notify the parents or if you notify them you can report that a specialist in this area came up with the diagnosis.

Answer 7

well if what you are telling the parents is true and say it to them that you are the one who monitors them and that you know better and also that it is about time they start to accept it....also it is their child that needs help and you are offering help and they should be lucky...so rather than complaining back and not accepting the truth the parents should adapt to the situation so they are able to help their son/daughter more effectively and try to do something about it rather than making it worse.