We are not married yet and have only been living together for about a month but, have been dating for two years. I love the kid but, i still feel uneasy having him call me "dad" since i have no kids of my own. My girlfreind who is great has no problem with it and says that its my issue. The kids real father keeps him every other weekend but, rarely takes more of an active role that that. What do i do?!?!
2006-11-14 04:49:40 · 36 answers · asked by Jake c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe you can suggest a more subtle and comfortable middle ground name, to make both of you feel comfortable for now, although, if you plan on being with your girlfriend for a long time, i suggest you get used to it. :)
But you could suggest he calls you a silly/fun nickname just for the two of you, which gives you both a connection and an emotional bond, without the uncomfortable "dad"
hope this helps! :)
2006-11-14 04:53:11 · answer #1 · answered by the_only_slushman 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell your girlfriend you are uncomfortable with him calling you dad. That is not uncommon to feel uneasy about it especially since he does have a dad that is active in his life. She should talk to her son about it since it is her child, and let him know that is not what you wish to be called. One other thought to ponder is I know in Washington state even if you are not the child's biological father if you and your girlfriend split and her son is calling you Dad she can hit you for child support. I'm not saying she is like that or that is even a law in your state but be careful. If your girlfriend does not want to talk with her son about this issue then you should have a heart to heart with her son and let him know you are not his dad but maybe the two of you could come up with a nickname. Your girlfriend really should honor this as a valid concern of yours but you have to make her aware that it isn't just an "issue", that it makes you really uncomfortable. The two of you need to be on the same level, not to say she isn't great but she really should understand you see this as a problem. My fiance and I have been living together about 4 months and my daughters dad is active in her life. The way I see it is she has a father already, so why would she call another man who isn't dad? Good luck this is a tough one!
2006-11-14 05:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by Me, again 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, its a tough situation. I think its quite flattering the her son wants to call you Dad, however I think your g/f is right when she says its 'your issue' Ultimately they are comfortable with it, but you need to feel the comfort level with it too. Give it some time. Just keep in mind that if his father doesn't have much of an active role with him, he will see you as the father and there isn't much you can really do about that. Perhaps have him call Daddy John (or w/e your first name is) would maybe make the transition a little easier.
2006-11-14 04:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by SexyLady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A child will call you their dad when they want to- it is more a sign of respect. Since you have been around this child since he was 4 or so, the child may see you as a parent figure. Since he knows his other father, there will be no confusion on who helped bring him in this world, but you may be more important to him because you are there all the time for him.
Dont do anything. Keep loving the child and providing him with a good home and stability.
If you up and tell the child not to call you dad it can be seen to the child as he isnt good enough to be your son, and in the same breath, he think highly of you enough to call you dad.
a child knows who feeds them....
2006-11-14 05:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does this because he respects you as a father. If you were to marry his mother, he would have that right to call you dad even if he has his biological father. The child knows who's there for him physically and mentally. As long as you are there just continue to be there for him and give him that fatherly love. You did not tell him to call you dad. It's what he feels in his heart. You can't just tell him not to call you daddy because it would hurt his feelings. Just ask him to call you Jay Jay or something so that his biological dad won't get upset. Hope all goes well with you and your family.
2006-11-14 05:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by PRECIANA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This child obviously looks up to you and treasures you being in his life since his real father is never around. This is the risk you take in moving in with someone who has a kid. It's a nice compliment, but if it makes you uncomfortable, you need to talk to your girlfriend and see what the best thing would be to do about it.
2006-11-14 05:38:22 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have a private conversation with him cuz at that age kids usually have an idea of what is going on. Give him the option to call you dad or your name, and let him decide. You must be a great guy if another man's son wants to call you dad. (Kids have a weird way of detecting that), and you should be honored. Good luck!
2006-11-14 04:53:35 · answer #7 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is obvious someone has planted the idea in his head to call you Dad, unless his relationship with his real father is so poor that he doesn't feel like he has a "real" father. Try coming up with a nick-name he can call you - but include him in the decision. You can try to explain the situation to him, but if he is too young he will not understand complety. Good luck!
2006-11-14 05:07:30 · answer #8 · answered by busymomof4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, that is a tuff one! I live with my bf and he has a 8 year old girl.....she calls me her step mom but never Mom.....BUT I do remember one day when me and my bf went to his daughters softball game and she called her step dad, dad...I thought my bf was going to start crying right there. He sat her down and talked to her about it, she said the reason was because her little brother was calling his real dad by his name and her mom wanted her to call him dad so that he would stop, but that didn't stop it from hurting him. It is your call but is not an easy one....I think if I were you I would probably have your girlfriend sit him down and talk to him about how you feel (of course in a way that a child will understand) I think that if you are not comfortable with it then it is not fair for her to say that it is your issue! Talk to her
2006-11-14 04:56:57 · answer #9 · answered by TNL 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say, but by living with a woman who has a kid you're taking on a role of a father, whether you want it or not. If you're not comfortable with this role, perhaps moving in together was not a good idea. Otherwise, better get used to it. It's a compliment that the little guy wants to call you "dad".
2006-11-14 04:52:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
my son did the same with my boyfriend now husband we didn't stop it because it was his choice not ours. You are probably more of a dad to the kid then his natural dad. Anyone can have a kid but not everyone can be a dad, I would go along with it but always let him know you are not his birth dad.
2006-11-14 04:55:53 · answer #11 · answered by kelticgirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋