i found out my wife of 22yrs was talking to a co worker on her cell phone and on our computer for the last six mounts.
when i confronted her she was shocked, but swears she never had any phyiscle contact with him,.. he was only someone to talk to....the emotional part of this whole thing is killing me because i love her to death..i did'nt ask her to leave because of the embaressmant it would had on our family and also because i love her, she says she loves me and just got caught in a momant, whatever that means???
can i trust her again?
2006-11-14 04:36:39 · 26 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let it go this time. It's not worth chucking 22 years away over. If it happens again, it's time to ask if the marriage is working for you both any more.
2006-11-14 04:39:19 · answer #1 · answered by rosbif 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if it was just talk and not "the walk" then what WERE they talking about for such a long time? I find it to be strange that it has gone on for so long, kept from you. Thats awfully strange... What can she talk to about him that she can't talk to you about? It could be innocent, like 2 min here, 3 min there, but if they were LONG conversations, that wouldn't seem too innocent to me. If they never "met up" , it makes me wonder if this guys gay?! But that would make, her never mentioning it to you, even more odd. My sugestion is: ask her how long the contersations usually lasted... take her answer and google it! - You can look up your cell phone calls and times on line at your cell phone companies web site. If she lies to you - It MAY be something more serious. Think to yourself - would you ever do that to her? - If not - ask yourself why. Whatever reason that is - thats what she's missing in return for you. Yes - this may be hurtful, but you don't wanna prolong anything, get it over with and don't waste your time. If it was just conversation, and she's truly sorry, then yes, she may realize how much pain she has caused you and never do it again. Trust is a very sacrry thing, and you need to emphisize that to her. If you feel, after all of this, that you can trust her again, then you probably can. But if shes cheated on you, physically... Then I would use the "bad dog" theory. If a dog shits on the carpet once, it's gonna do it again. It's the inevidiable. I am so sorry that this happened to you, but I hope for the best. Remember, she may be telling the truth. Good luck to you.
2006-11-14 12:57:35 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, when a woman finds it necessary to find companionship outside of her marriage, it is a sign that something wrong in your relationship. You should try to figure out what went wrong and fix it. Maybe she felt more comfortable talking to this other guy than you or he made her feel good about herself in a way that you don`t. Whatever the reason, just because you caught her it doesn`t mean she will not do it again. You have to find the reason she did it in the first place and work on that. I wouldn`t say you should trust her comepletely until you get to the source of the problem. Whatever made her do it is not going to go away just because you caught her and in time, if you don`t fix the real problem, she will do it again. Good luck!!
2006-11-14 12:40:03 · answer #3 · answered by Ex-Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don''t know. How solid is the marriage in the first place? Has she expressed any dissatisfaction over the last 6 months? Take in the whole picture not just the conversation. Then make a decision.
2006-11-14 13:05:58 · answer #4 · answered by Johnboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no harm in talking. The question is of trust between you two.Why should you suspect that she is in the wrong. Something is stirring in her mind. Is there something she wants is not getting? I think you must sit down with her in a peaceful environment and encourage her to open her heart to you. That is the only way you could get to the bottom of the problem and correct the situation.
2006-11-14 12:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by openpsychy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She got caught up in the moment of another man being interested in her and the taboo of being able to have an affair even if she didn't act on it. As for trusting her I don't know she would need to be willing to really change and start being totaly honest with you befor you would really be able to feel like you trust her again. I don't know her and if she would really be willing to do this, but is she wants things to work out between the two of you and cares wheather you trust her again she will do it for you.
Tell he that if she wants you to feel like you trust her again than she needs to start being totaly honest with you by telling you where she is going and what estimated time she will be back. Who she talks to on the phone and internet and even let you see and hear them. I know this sounds really controling, but this is what a therapist calls being transparent.
You also need to look at your own emotions and deal with them on a one on one.Things like betrail and other feelings that go along with what you are going through.This will keep you sane.
Many people see affairs in diffrent ways and everyone has their own thoughts of what an affair is. Some think an affair is being with that person through intercourse, some by kissing, internet sex and even looking at porn as having an affair. To me what you are saying under it all that you feel like her firting or thinking about this person sexualy is having an affair. This is normal and nothing to be a shamed of and you should tell your wife this.
If I were to talk to another man that way or even give my husband the thought that I would want to talk to another man in that way he would see it as having an affair and be very hurt by it.
I have resently been going to a therapist for what I felt was an affair my husband had and was very hurt by it. I have also been consulting a book about it. I have been doing much better with my own emotions, but there are still a lot of things that need to be worked on in my relationship if things are going to ever work. I hope things work out for you and wish you and everyone dealing with an affair of any sort the best of luck.
2006-11-14 13:08:03 · answer #6 · answered by desiree d 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well ofcourse, she told you she never had physical contact with him, hes just a friend, its healthy for married couples to have friends on the side to talk to, but maybe find out why was she seeking someone to talk to other than you, her husband and her best friend, are you around her enough, do you care for her and what she has to say? ....as long as shes not hidding nothing else between her and this guy...ofcourse it also depends what was said between her and this guy, if its more than just friendship talk, you should be carefull and make sure shes really sorry and stops everything between her and this guy.
2006-11-14 12:43:47 · answer #7 · answered by Alena K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she didn't cheat physically, I'd take this whole thing as "getting off with a warning". But you better find out what's missing in the relationship and fix it. Tell her she needs to take all that communications experience and apply it to your relationship instead.
2006-11-14 12:50:47 · answer #8 · answered by Agent69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THat ultimately depends on you if you trust or not. My advise is when a woman say "I just got caught up in the moment" that usually means that she did cheat on you. I am speaking from experience.
2006-11-14 12:40:13 · answer #9 · answered by Saint 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all good relationships are based on trust and honesty. at the very least your wife has been emotionally unfaithful. if there was nothing going on them I am sure she would not have kept it a secret. however if you are willing to forgive and eventually forget and she is willing to do what it takes to restore your trust in her you have a shot, good luck
2006-11-14 12:42:10 · answer #10 · answered by SKYDOGSLIM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋