Criticize please? Please help me critisize this poem, like it or..not?

Question

Lighhouse In Me

So each have a journey
We often wander
Sailing in serenity
Fighting against we yonder

Life's full of bliss
Sometimes misery
Leaping beyond
Sailing + Lighthouse

Who needs a lighthouse
Canoe arise to shrink
A light forgotten
But standing

Cast all the darkness
Shed a light from me
Rays will led
Sleep in my arms finally

Answer 1

Okay there is alot going on there, kinda vague, but interesting.

Answer 2

"Fighting against we yonder"

I know things are pretty abstract sometimes but I don't understand this.

"Who needs a lighthouse
Canoe arise to shrink
A light forgotten
But standing"

Is the poet asking Who needs me? Is the canoe line supposed to say "sink" in stead of "shrink"? Is the self forgotten, yet still here?

Poems usually make people ask questions, even if they are not rhythmic, so I guess that part is a success but it is kind of hard to read & follow.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, though you seem to truly be trying to create imagery I fear you have failed in that attempt. Your construct is a bit too abstract to create the vision you intend. Your first stanza should always set the scene and tone of the poem, and though it is visual to a point, I think you may have thrown off the canter of the work by trying to create a last minute pentameter i.e. the use of yonder. Remember that each word has purpose, and each measure of your work should be crafted to explain the visual image you are trying to paint.

Answer 4

Fighting against we yonder
Life's full of bliss,,
Sailing + Lighthouse
Who needs a lighthouse
Canoe arise to shrink
OKAY IF YOU WROTE THIS WHAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR IT. POEMS ARE NOT ALWAYS WRITTEN TO MAKE SENSE BUT THIS IS PURE SILLINESS

Answer 5

I really didnt understand it. If you want to write poems write simple and small poems first. Like nursery rhymes.

heres one of mine. What do you think?

Into You
----------
I wanna run away, away to hide
I wanna run and leave this place behind
I wanna run from all the things that is mine.

I wanna run away to that dreamded of place
Where I had never been
To that magical place
That only the blue skies have seen.

Upon the whitest cliffs
And in the Bluest deeps, I will roam
Looking for the things
I have never known.

I wanna close my eyes
And fall forever, leaving time.
So I want to run, run away to hide
Into the warmest abyss of your mind.

Answer 6

you have alot of spelling mistakes, it doesn't rhyme, it doesn't make any sense, the images aren't coherent.... I could go on and on...

Answer 7

That is so sad...