Did I ruin our marriage and can it be saved?

Question

My wife and I were married for 3 months and have since been separated for three months. The separation stems from an emotional outburst that dealt with my frustrations in handling her daughter. The outburst was not in front of the child and words were said that i regret. She has since moved out and filed paper work for an anullment. She also has sinced cut off communication via the phone and has blocked my e-mails. I tried taking the advice of my yahoo answers and have begged and pleaded for forgiveness but it has not worked. I finally went to her house and all she said was you invloved her daughter. I tried to explain that i loved her, but had trouble with the 7 year old complaining and whining. I miss my wife and daughter. I have asked many times to try marriage counseling, and she says nothing. I have been doing it since the fallout. I feel i have pushed her as far away as i possibly could. Can my marriage be saved, with our mutal friends we have. That she has also sinced avoided.

Answer 1

wow dude looks like it's time to move on......sounds like you really care for her just not her daughter....you need to find another girl with no baggage..and start fresh.

Answer 2

Back off, give her some time and space. You have tried so hard to get her back that all you are doing is pushing her farther away. You made her feel like she had to choose between you and her daughter. With most mothers, you lost, we will choose our children over any man. Atleast I would. And that is what she did. After giving her some time and I'm not talking a couple of days, maybe a couple of weeks, trying phoning her, leave her a nice message, or send flowers with a nice card, saying that you regret your words, and have sinced seen the error in your ways, you would like another chance to show her and her daughter that things will be different. If you are sincere in what you are saying in this question, you must make it about not only her but her daughter as that is why you lost her to begin with. After the call, flowers, or whatever method you use, give her time to respond, again this may take a couple of weeks. You have a rough road ahead that is not going to be fixed in a matter of days. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Looks like u really said her something overtly hurting.Women cant bear how they feel with what a man says-what her man says.
Give her some space is what i suggest.
Request her some time to see if the relationship works or not after informal separation of some months,before going into filing for anulling marriage.Tell her,that u respect her and it it was all cos of a momentary outburst for which u regret now.She and ur daughter are very special to u without whom life would be like living on parole.Say her.Words are very important here.

Answer 4

ok..this is the deal...if you messed with my child like that....you would be in major trouble...you would probably be better off messing with bear cubs and the mother bear catching you! I know that is not what you want to hear but I am going to give it to you straight....you made a BIG NO NO!! That is the motherly term for you screwed up...She is being put in a position of defense and probably has been that way for a long time. She married you out of faith and trust that you married her and her daughter. You are the last one on earth that should have done what you did. But, the thing is...it is done....can't go back. All you can do is lift your head and go on. The way to go about this is to prove to her that you love her little girl....forget the mommy for right now. I suggest you do things that are kid oriented...but first, you have to wait until she cools off..a good 2 weeks should be enough. Make sure you don't do anything behind the mommies back like go eat dinner at school without her permission ....wrong....after the 2 weeks..I would plan a kid day...maybe a trip to the park, skating, bowling, amusement park, something that the kid would like....buy her a puppy or a cat for her to love...you got to do some extreme things here or it aint gonna work. Try leaving one rose on her door step for those 2 weeks....change the colors everyday....red, yellow, orange....etc....don't leave notes..just the rose...she might throw the first one away but after a while, she will keep them...and smile. After the 2 weeks of roses....write her a letter, apologize, tell her that you want to do this on her terms....just a trial basis....then maybe you can get your foot in the door....if these things don't work.....I don't know what will.....Good Luck and God Bless....don't forget to pray about this everyday and ask God to keep you strong and for His will to be done.

Answer 5

I take it, the 7yr old is not your daughter....When you married her mother you married her also.....That is her daughter and if I had a man that could not deal with any of my children, that would be a problem....If you are complaining about her daughter all the time, how do you think that was making her feel....She wanted you two to get along, and because you could not get along with her daughter then maybe she didn't feel comfortable having her daughter around you while she is not at home....Do you see where I am coming from.....Because you have not been a part of her daughter's life since day one, then your wife feels there is nothing you can say that is going to make her see that her daughter complains or whine. That is her daughter not yours....Until the wife gets past that, I don't think there is anything you can do, because she is going to protect her daughter at all times....The daughter will always have control over her mother because she is going to protect her mother also....

Answer 6

When I married my husband I already have a daughter and she is now running 6 years old. My husband sometimes gets mad or gets irritated to my daughter, but I always remind him about where he is standing.The lesson here for you is that when you decided to get married to your wife that was a package deal alreaady, so you have to deal with it. Besides you never should have gotten married in the first place if you didnt want any kids.

It also has to start from you, you are older than the kid so start acting your age. Seems to me that you only care about your wife. I'm so sorry but being married is not only that, you have to prove to her that you can be a good father but if you cant work on it that she deserves somebody better.

Answer 7

You have stirred up the maternal instinct in your soon-to-be exwife. There is nothing that will make her hate you sooner than verbally attacking her child, whether said child is present or not.

No relationship mending is going to happen if she won't take your calls or e-mails. It takes two to make a difference when this sort of thing happens and unless she's willing, you might as well save your efforts.

Back off and give her some space. You never know, when the dust settles she just might start missing you and feel she acted in haste.

Answer 8

The Bible abounds with practical counsel that can benefit husbands and wives. This is hardly surprising, for the One who inspired the Bible is also the Originator of the marriage arrangement
Your View of Commitment
A long-term view is essential if you are going to work on your marriage. After all, the marital arrangement was designed by God to link two humans inseparably. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4, 5)
Throw The Ball Gently
To illustrate: In a game of catch, you toss the ball so that it can be caught easily. You do not fling it with such force that you injure your partner. Apply the same principle when speaking with your spouse. Hurling bitter remarks will only cause harm. Instead, speak gently—with graciousness—so that your mate can catch your point.
Honoring Your Spouse
The Bible states: "Let marriage be honorable among all." (Hebrews 13:4; Romans 12:10)
why not hope for better things and work toward improvement, waiting patiently for results?
Reminisce!
Defusing Explosive Arguments
Maintain a Realistic Outlook
Do not be discouraged if your marriage is not what you envisioned it would be during courtship.

Answer 9

Children can be a pain in the butt. Believe me I have two. My father is my step father and he has cared for me through thick and thin. He played the role of a parent to me with the good and the bad. My mother allowed that and because of that I did not look at him like a step father but as my real father. I love him to no ends. She needs to let you take part in the decisions regarding her daughter because no she is yours as well. Wait awhile. Then see if you can talk to her. Love is never easy. Let her think. Maybe you should write her a letter expressing yourself. Then let her ponder it for a while.. You may have to start all over again. Let her know that when you married her you also wanted to be a father to her daughter and that you need to have your say as well so that in the long run her daughter can respect you as well

Answer 10

This is real life and the Bible isn't going to get you out of this one. You have spurred the mother instinct to full protect mode. I don't doubt that you feel you love your wife but it is not likely you can patch this, your best chance could be to show her your question here and depending upon the severity of this 'emotional outburst' you may have another shot at this. Oh, and by the way if you happen to come across a female bear don't screw with her cub.

Answer 11

I think she is using this one incident to get out of the marriage. It is very difficult to become an instant parent. Why in the world men chose women who have had a child with another man is beyond me. (most unmarried women with children haves huge issues that will never be resolved) Find a nice girl that knows how to use birth control and knows how to pick a good man.