Am I being Selfish?

Question

She says I am her one and only. I am a man that loves sex. I mean loves it. And she is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I have always been a big guy, but she says it has no factor. She takes medicine for back pain which may cause the lack of sex drive, but even if she doesn't feel like it, wouldn't you think she would take care of me. Also, we have kids, 11, 10, 6 and 2. We both work full time. I realize being tired plays a role in this but. Out of 30 days, I get 10 minutes? Am I being selfish?

Answer 1

No it's a healthy concern...maybe you might wanna try getting her in the mood...making her feel sexy. Try something different maybe something sweet and romantic. but being in a busy household like yours can be a huge dillema. Try sending the ids to grandma's house and plan a intimate night at home with just your wife...and try doing things for her that she likes. Masage her feet, rub her back....every women loves to feel desired and to be pampered once in a while.

Answer 2

Yes your being selfish. Do you help with the kids, laundry, dishes, etc. With her having back pain, how enjoyable do you think sex would be for her. Did you ever thing it might be painful for her. There are other ways that you can satisfy yourself. Maybe talk to her about about other things that you can do for yourself so that she knows you still love her but need a relief once and a while. Also, take the advice of the one of the other people that responded. Try a little romance, maybe get a babysitter, take her out to dinner. Bring her home and run her a bath. Be romantic, woman are not like men. We can't just through a switch and be in the mode.

Answer 3

If you help her with the kids and the house, then no, you are not being selfish. If you expect her to work full time and be responsible for everything else, too, then yes. Try to help more around the house and with the kids. If she feels very stressed out from everything being on her shoulders, it will definitely affect her sex drive. If you do help alot already, then you deserve more than 10 minutes out of the month. Sex is a major part of a healthy, happy marriage. Good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds to me that there is a level of selfishness on both behalfs. Yes, she should consider you/your feelings/needs. But, how much help are you with the home, kids, carpools, etc. With both of you working full time, 4 kids, and a home to maintain, she probably is VERY tired.

Try setting up a date with her. Ask her if there is something she has wanted to do and go do that, in return she may realize that a few minutes with her husband would be equally appreciated by you too. (the date does not have to be expesive or even a long time away from home, she is probably wanting to be appreciated as a Wife and Mom for all the hard work she puts into the home)

It can work out but it is going to take effort from both of you.

Answer 5

Welcome to "Married with Children".. My wife suffers from a similar low sex drive, I am lucky if we do it more then once per month now. I don't think you are being selfish I think reality is sinking in. Marriage for some women generally does not include the sexual component of intimacy.

Tell her to take something to get her sex drive to improve. Have her talk with her doctor ABOUT the SEX Drive stuff IF in fact there is a parallel to the medication and the drive. We Americans tend to overmedicate, that being types of meds, not amount. The interactions of medications often have untold side effects that only manefest after the symptoms of the original ailment abate.

Have her go to a Chiropractor and get off the meds. muscle relaxants are notorious sex inhibitors as are anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. In combination multiply the effects (or side effects)..
Anti-depressants in men can cause Erectile Dysfunction, in Women it can cause poor libido. Women often create ailments to avoid intimate contact. No doubt 3 of the 10 of the reply you receive from women are from just such a woman.

Answer 6

you two need some time alone to talk about this and try to bring the fire back in your relationship. I mean get away, take a vacation if you can away from the kids and work should do you two just fine. Far as her back problem you have to be more understanding thats really not her fault, but your not really being selfish your being a man in love and loves to have sex and wants to have sex with his wife. there is nothing worng with that, but I mean you cant expect to get it all the time, with the schedule that you two have its not possible she is going to be tired and so are you. try getting the fire back and talk to her about it dont opressure her or make her pissed off with you either. Just try to help her understand you.

Answer 7

No, you are not being selfish. But you have to remember that kids just take up all your energy. Add that with a full time job and taking care of a house...no wonder she's tired.

My advice for you is to start helping out with the kids and the household chores, even more if you are already doing it. Your wife might have a little energy left for bedtime.

Answer 8

You need to talk about it. Marriage is about meeting in the middle. I do not think u r being selfish. Peoples sexual needs need to be satisfied in a marriage. Yes, her medications and the demands of life may play a large role in this, but the trick is to find out how to counteract that role. Ask her what you could do to help her. Be romantic. Don't be disouraged if your pay back isn't immediate, we women tend to know when our guy is just "wanting some". Through consistant communication and genuine romance on your part, she is surely likely to be more sexual with you.

Answer 9

You have four kids. I'm sure she does most of the work in that particular area. Sorry, but a judgement that is proven very well in statistics. Also, yes you are being selfish. "wouldn't you think she would take care of me.", wow I haven't heard one thing about her "needs", seems like you just want to get your own rocks off. Good luck with that, you're obviously doing something wrong to be getting 10 min in 30 days........trust me....if you weren't, she would make the time....she would want to make the time....looks like something on your own end pal, hahahaha

Answer 10

no not if all you are getting is 10 min. She needs to give a little more and you need to accept that she will probably not want to have sex every night or even every other night. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. But make it about her, wanting to be with her because you love her and such, not about sex.