Right, i found out my fiancee cheated on me about a month ago we have tried since then but obviously the trust had gone, things dont seem to be working at the moment plus last week she screamed at me were finished, i went and had a drink on my own and got chatting to a girl who was a really nice girl, she is not normally "my type" but we had such a laugh and listened to me, she let me stay at her house but nothing happened. Now this girl and i are good friends and i would be interested if i wasnt with my Girlfriend. Right now i feel very little for my current GF but we have a baby together and she is going to make my life very hard for me if we were to split.
Please help people.
thanks
2006-11-14 02:34:58 · 23 answers · asked by bob o 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is not a good start to a marriage. You should really rethink your plans of getting married.
Whatever you do, be a man and support your child regardless of how you feel about your girlfriend.
2006-11-14 02:37:32 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your partner need to think hard about whether you should still be together at all, let alone get married.
Marriage should be about total commitment. You shouldn't go ahead with it despite your doubts just because you've already written the date in your diary.
Often when a partner cheats the couple never discusses what happened or why, probably because it is too painful to discuss.
But you need to know why she did it to be able to make a decision about your future together.
Was it a one off? Was it someone she knew well or a stranger?
Why did she do it? Is she unhappy in the relationship?
Basically, was the relationship worth saving BEFORE she cheated?
Her unfaithfullness is something you can overcome if the relationship is one you both want to keep. She has to be prepared to earn your trust again and prove to you how sorry she is. You can't expect things to go straight back to normal.
I guess it's natural to feel like you do about this girl you've met. You said that this girl is not your usual type and I doubt that if the situation was different you'd be interested at all. I think it's probably a sign that you want out.
It's honorable of you to consider the baby in this, but you will still be able to be there for your child even if you and your partner split up. The baby may be small but it hears and feels everything that goes on and Mum screaming at Dad and vice versa is not a nice environment.
You need to think hard about what is best for you. Maybe a temporary seperation would be the answer. It would give you and your partner time and space to think and work out what you should do.
Good luck and I hope you can sort it all out.
PS: Don't start anything with the new girl until you are truly single. It's not fair on anyone.
2006-11-14 11:18:00 · answer #2 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from a child of divorce - it is not in the best interest of the child(ren) to stay together for their sake. My parents fought constantly and that alone projected trust issues into my relationships. If you don't love her or trust her - you can find a way to make things work for the child. She may try to make things hard for awhile, but she'll come around and possibly even realize (if she doesn't already) that she wasn't happy either. The two of you need to sit down and have a real talk about your relationship. If you want to see if there's anything still there - suggest a weekend away for just the two of you. Otherwise, tell her the truth because if you stay then you're going to be unhappy, she's going to be unhappy and you're going to make your child unhappy and I know you don't want that.
As for this other girl, do not start a relationship with her until you have this sorted out. It's not fair to her if you keep going back and forth. Remain friends and when the time's right to move forward - you'll know it!
Good luck with everything.
2006-11-14 10:42:23 · answer #3 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I don't believe that people cheat if they are happy in their relationship, therefore things weren't right for your fiancé to do this in the first place. Sometimes the problem is simply that the relationship isn't right for the two people concerned. In that case you may as well cut your losses and leave sooner rather than later. In other cases there have been other pressures and problems which drive people apart for a while, and in this case I suppose you might be able to get the trust back.
You don't actually sound as if you actually like your girlfriend very much as a person though - "she is going to make my life very hard for me if we split" for example.
I know that you have a baby together, but do you think your baby would be happier growing up with two parents who were together but didn't really like each other or have much of a relationship, or with two parents who were apart but happy? So long as you support your child, and see him/her regularly and act as a good father should, then you will be doing the best for your child. (Although not being funny, but if she's cheated on you I would consider a paternity test - I know a guy who did that after he and his girlfriend split and she set the CSA on him, and it wasn't his.)
If you do decide to split with your fiancé though, I wouldn't jump right into a relationship with the other girl - at the end of any relationship, even if you're the one doing the leaving, you need time to get over it and reflect on what went right and what went wrong and then go into a new relationship with a clean slate.
Good luck, I hope you're happy with whatever you decide to do.
2006-11-14 14:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by pomme_blanche_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married unless both of you are willing to commit to it 100%, if she has already cheated on you and she say's it over then she obviously isn't committed. In the long run you two seperating now will be better for the child too, as he/she wont have to grow up with the stress of you two being together and arguing all the time or a divorce few years down the line.
2006-11-14 11:00:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have one life to live, ether with a person that makes you happy or with someone who you can't stand. The baby doesn't make your choice any easier but at the same time it does. Do you really want to raise a baby in an environment where the parents hate each other? My advice is to move on, at first she'll make things hard for you but after some time she should cool down and be adult about the situation. She cheated on you so she is obviously ready to move on as well.
2006-11-14 10:41:20 · answer #6 · answered by mickeys12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well don't get married that's for sure.
You say you have very little feelings for your girlfriend,is that because she cheated? or did you feel like that before it happened?
I would say if you did not feel like that before it happened, it may be worth another go,as there is a child in the middle of this?
It will take time if you think she is worthy for things and the trust to come back but it can.
But that would also mean that you would have to call it a day with your "FRIEND".
If your partnership was bad anyway, maybe you should part ways?
But don't be hasty think about the baby.
2006-11-14 10:49:38 · answer #7 · answered by T - C - B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, first of all if your girlfriend cheated on you how do you that was the only time i know it sounds awful but do you know for a fact the baby is yours?...secondly no couple should stay together just for the kids it is not fair on the kid growing up with parents who argue,...thirdly if you did decide to stay with your girlfriend would you ever be able to trust her again when she goes out would you be wondering where she is and what she is doing, when you see her chatting to a guy would you be thinking she is chatting him up, you have proved there are nice girls out there who will treat you nicely....only you can search your heart and your head and find the right answer
2006-11-14 14:43:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do all you can to make a go of it with your girlfriend, trust takes time to rebuild but there is your child to consider. If both of you honestly try, and I mean really try, it will work again. Go to counselling to help find out what was missing in your relationship that made her cheat on you, maybe she was feeling lonely or rejected or something. It happens but it's not necessarily the end.
2006-11-15 17:48:30 · answer #9 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SIT DOWN AND TALK she cheated on you WHY? whats going on when a boy is unhappy he shuts him self away and want talk. when a girl is unhappy she gets frustrated because she can't get through to the boy and so it goes on. find out what is going on. Have you just grown apart or is there something else's. This other girls come along at the wrong time. Your girl was the right type once. sort what you have now for the sake of your baby at least try.
2006-11-14 10:50:50 · answer #10 · answered by lady_di_ar125 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T even consider getting married if you aren't 100% sure you love your gf. Yea, you could be mistaking friendship with love (the other girl) but that has nothing to do with the fact that you wrote "right now i feel very little for my gf".
It's better to have her make your life very hard than to make 3 person's lives miserable, in a loveless relationship.
If you want to clear your head, you'd better stop talking to your friend for a while and do a good soul search.
2006-11-14 10:39:29 · answer #11 · answered by MICHAEL G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋