Do you think we cant help who we fall in love with?

Question

They say the heart want what it wants...so does that mean we havent got any control over our feelings, just our actions? Or do you think letting go of someone you´ve loved just takes time? Time for the feelings to go away, so that you dont have to jump everytime you hear their name? And especially when you´ve found someone really wonderful that you want to share your life with...shouldnt the feelings for your old flame just automatically dissapear by then?

Hehe..im sorry for askin so many questions all at the same time, i guess i was just tryin to cover all the areas that puzzle me about this situation. :D

Thank you for taking time to answer my question, everyone. =)

Answer 1

it depends there was someone in my life 16 years ago that i can't forget no matter how hard I try. I didn't get together with him even. I told myself not to do it. Going ahead and taking control isn't necessarily rewarding. The decision is haunting you much the same as it still does me. If you are truly in love with who you are with now try TRY to forget the old flame if it helps think of reasons and excuses why it never would have worked and remind yourself of the decision you made to begin with and why. It'll help its what usually helps me.

Answer 2

Wow thats a lot of questions. I don't have the answers to all of them. I will answer what I can and offer my advice. And especially when you´ve found someone really wonderful that you want to share your life with...shouldnt the feelings for your old flame just automatically dissapear by then? The answer to that is no! I have been broken up with my x for over 6 years. I still think about her almost evry day. I am happly married and yet I still think about her. I quess letting go does take time, but how much time I'll never know? Wouldn't you think six years would be plenty of time? I quess you never really get over your first love. I didn't really answer any of your questions did I?

Answer 3

I don't believe we have control who we have feelings for it's what we do with them that counts. I take it you are still in love with an ex.. Join the crowd a-lot of people I know including myself are..There is really nothing you can do about it..Just take the life lessons you acquired in that relationship and move on..You will never get completely over that person. There will always be the what if thing. but it will fade in time..I don't think you can ever get over anyone you have truly ever loved..but that doesn't mean you can't move on and love someone else just the same if not more! Don't consider this to be a burden.. I'll bet if you would ask an honest elderly person they would tell you they still have a place in their heart for an old flame! (And they would be smiling not asking why)

Answer 4

Only the weak-willed cannot control their emotions to some degrees. The whole "love" thing tends to be a fairly high-priority system in the emotional controls of the brain and many people just don't have the willpower nor the desire to override it.... often simply because they don't know that they can.

That said... its a lot easier to force yourself out of love with someone or prevent falling in love with them than it is to intentionally force yourself to love someone you're not attracted to. Normally it doesn't cause enough of a problem to make it worthwhile spending a lot of energy opposing it... so its best to just go with the flow for the most part, but sometimes people get themselves into really awkward situations because of it when they could and should take control and override the emotions in question.


So... in summary.... its mostly automated, but some degree of control is possible.

Answer 5

People who usually say they can't help but to fall in love with someone is a woman.
Is it any wonder they get taken advantage of by guys then?
People CAN control this, otherwise we'd be just animals running around mating with whomever catches our fancy at that moment.
People who fall in love with their significant others are obviously attracted by things they consider attractive, then there's the personal qualities of each that come into play.
If a lady's attractive, but swears like a sailor, I'm certainly not going to fall in love with that.
That's a big turn off for me.

Answer 6

You know....you should listen to your heart...If your mind is saying one thing, and your heart is telling you something else, go with that...You only live once, make the right decisions...

If you still have feelings for someone else...you problaly should'nt use the guy you with now to get over the one your really thinking about, not saying your using him....but it sounds like you have some unresolved feelings.

Take time for yourself....tell the person your with what your feeling. You know you have to honest with your own feelings. You can't kid yourself.....also you need to be straight with the person you are with now.

Take care........Be Happy!!!!

Answer 7

1. i think we cant controll our feelings but we can controll our actions
2.and i do think that letting go of some one takes time
3. fellings will never go away completly, i think
4. well like i said i dont think that those feelings will just go away but once u found someone u want to spend ur life with u will love that person more then anyone before

My opinion, u might think differently

Answer 8

we can control our feelings, but we WANT good feelings to go on. the brain knows its a good feeling so you chose to stay. you dont want to move on because you know how good the feelings were when you were together and hoping to get it back soon.

different people have different period of time to let go the old feelings. and it took me quite some time...

Answer 9

NO WE CANNOT HELP WHO WE FALL IN LOVE WITH.
The heart is very powerful.