What do you do when you have been married to someone and have 2 kids and all you do is fight hes gone everynight till 1 in the morning, and when he is home he never wants to spend time with his family. You try talking, yelling screaming everything and all he says is that he is the boss and I have no say in anything that he does. I am at my wits end. I have no job he made sure that I dont have any money the accounts are in his name only. I want my marriage to work what can I do to make him understand? Please help.
2006-11-14 02:23:14 · 16 answers · asked by littlemama 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have obviously made a bad choice in choosing this man. It is hard enough to change small things about a person... his issues are huge. You say all of these awful things about him and then say that you want to make your marriage work... why? He does not deserve you and your kids should not grow up in that kind of environment. If you get divorced he has to pay alimony and child support and if he does not your can get assistance to get back on your feet. It may be rough but in the long run it sounds like the best thing from what I have read in your question. Sit him down and tell him if he does not shape up you are going to leave him. It might snap him into back into reality and make him think.
2006-11-14 02:35:27 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to get a little more independent....Get a job, ASAP!!! He is controlling everything and you can't do anything about it. The screaming and yelling is not getting you anywhere, but more upset than you were before. Find a job sister....Start making your own money and if he continues to act the way he does....take a trip to mommas house for a couple of months. He is disrespecting you in a major way. He feels that he can do whatever he wants because you do not have the means or guts to leave him.
The yelling and screaming is not good for the kids....We all want our marriage to work, but you know how men are....sometimes you have to play their game in order for them to wake up....Get a job!!!
2006-11-14 10:42:33 · answer #2 · answered by Sasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am married with two kids also so i know it is a tough job i stay home all day too. but it sounds like you two definitely need some counseling. why is he out till 1 am everyday?is it work? how long has it been like this? i don't like his theory of I'm the boss though so i might be concerned with that. but i would for sure start with some counseling and try to sit again and talk but let pick the time and date?make him promise to sit with you and let him do the talking maybe he has something on his chest.
2006-11-14 10:35:09 · answer #3 · answered by entrknmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will be VERY honest--- you are married to a very controlling self absorbed jerk! You need to get with someone- your church, your family, whatever and get out of this relationship -FAST. I do not agree with divorce, but he obviously does not respect you one bit and has no concern for his children. Yelling and screaming only gives him a "reason in his own mind" to stay out. He will blame you for his lifestyle. He will blame you for everything. I have seen it too many times. This relationship will go nowhere unless you get the courage to step up to the plate and be all yo can be. You do not need him to make you somebody. You need your own identity.
You can't MAKE him understand. You are still there for him at his beck and call. All this kind of guy understands is that he has supreme control over the person he should be taking care of and loving.
2006-11-14 10:33:05 · answer #4 · answered by jamocha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What marriage? I'm sorry, but marriage is something based on trust, respect and communication, factors which yours lack of. I think you have really serious communication issues, and should try working your way from there.
But my sincere advice is that if you are in a relationship where your partner does not spend time with you and your family, doesn't respect you and ignores your feelings and needs altogether, you should get out. If you have chosen this person, and accepted the way he's treating you as normal, then start by thaving a quiet, calm conversation with him and tell him what's going on with you.
Good luck!
2006-11-14 10:29:44 · answer #5 · answered by MICHAEL G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might be past the point where communication is going to happen. He believes his the boss, and you have unfortunately let that happen. You need to take action. Go out and get a job, take the bus if you have to. Open up your OWN account, get your OWN credit card. I hate to steal from Nike, but just do it girl. Once you establish your own independence and he realizes that you aren't some doormat, you will have more say in this relationship. You just have to take your life back and if he wants to be a part of it, then fine, but if not just forget him.
Good Luck!
2006-11-14 10:32:30 · answer #6 · answered by Gonzo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not enough info to provide a detailed answer but spending time with 'the family' is good and necessary but not enough you must spend time (including intimate time) with each other. Many women after having children conveniently set this part of their life aside, thus assuming a major part of the responsibility for the wandering husband. It is preferable that both family life and intimacy be with you. Look at what has changed in your relationship which would affect his attitude toward you.
2006-11-14 10:31:54 · answer #7 · answered by dano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's all about leverage....Like in Battlefield Earth. Not really, I would ask where he goes until 1 in the morning? What does he do when he is home? Talk to him don't accuse, point fingers or anything like that just tell him what your feeling. Grow a backbone and don't let him rule your life. Take control of yourself and your decisions.
2006-11-14 10:34:47 · answer #8 · answered by omvg1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey...I been there and done that with my ex husband.. The key word here is EX. Your hubby is a control freak. He is never going to understand because quite frankly he doesn't care. You need to do what is best for you and your kids. LEAVE! Find a women's shelter, go there, get a job...and take care of yourself and your kids.
2006-11-14 10:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by ~Jennifer~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but married to a controlling idiot and you will never have anything as long as your with him. My advice is to get out and start over, no matter where you go, it will be better than where you are. or live with the way you are now and dont do anything
2006-11-14 10:27:42 · answer #10 · answered by scottb03gt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋