How do I leave my abusive husband after 17 years when I have 2 girls and one still has 2 more years of school?

Question

Is it best to leave the high schooler with the bigger salary or take her with me when my income is less than adequate? The physical abuse is on and off, but there is daily emotional abuse. The physical abuse is not enough to leave marks due to their history in law enforcement, just enough to tear muscle and disable me so I can't leave and support myself. They also get their family members to emotionally abuse me and make me feel less than human whenever I see them. Even my own girls sometimes make fun of me to the point where it doesn't seem worth living anymore. Where can I go for help? I called a hotline after they choked me enough to the point I couldn't breathe one time, no help given. Tried the police and they seemed annoyed that I bothered them. The husband won't let me speak to a primary care physician about the depression because (their name would come up) so I am stuck with nowhere to turn at the moment. I just can't think of where to go for help without being shot by him

Answer 1

Honey, the best thing you can do for your children is to leave this man regardless of their school situation. Teens make friends easier than you would think. But don't even consider leaving one of your children with this man, with you gone, who do you think the violence will turn to.......your daughters.

I would suggest calling the Dept of Social Services in another county if you don't trust your county and tell them the whole story and they can help you out of the situation. Battered womens shelters are every where and you need to locate one quickly, because they can and will help you. They will give you courage and strength where you cannot find any now.

Please make the phone calls. Your life is at risk here. I know. My babysister was beaten to death and burned by an abusive boyfriend 5 years ago. She was five months pregnant. She knew he would kill her eventually, she stated as much, but she would not take the steps to get out and we could not force her to. Well, one night he got mad, they argued and he beat her to death then had a friend set fire to her body............he has never been punished and never will be because his friend is his aliby.......

I recently went to view the pictures of her body and of my unborn nephew and let me tell you, if you could see them, you would leave and never look back because IT CAN BE YOU, IT IS NOT ALWAYS 'THE OTHER PERSON.' She was 28 years old and absolutely model beautiful, burned away.........don't let that happen to you, ok.

So, ya see, if you feel he will kill you, then God is giving you an instinct of self-preservation and I want you to listen to that instinct and get out of there. Make your plans and don't discuss them with your daughters, for they will tell. Call DHHR and a Womans Shelter. I beg you to leave and take your children with you!!!!!!!! I will pray for you!!!!!!!!

You can do it! don't doubt it. I divorced my hubby of 15 years, 5 years ago. In the military stationed in Hawaii. I left that island with the clothes on my back and my daughter right beside me and it was tough, really tough, but you can make it....your girls will need counseling though and so will you due to the abuse.

take care

Answer 2

They have 2 years of high school left. Which means they understand more than you think. In fact, in my opinion, you would be setting a very good example if you left your husband.It would show your girls what not to put up with as an adult. You should take the girls with you, do not leave them with the abuser. Of course you said the girls are poking fun at you also. I dont know if you are misconstruing what they are saying or they are actually doing it. Never the less, no matter what, the girls should not be left with an abusive person. Instead of calling the police you can call Child Protective Services because the girls are being subjected to watching the abuse go on. They could end up in foster care. I think that anything is better for them then staying and watching all that. You need assistance..

I am sorry that your marriage has turned out this way. You really need to get out no matter what they cost is.

Answer 3

What state do you live in???? I don't know of any policeman that would laugh at you, or any hot line that won't help you!! Is this a serious question?!
If it was a serious question, why on earth would you be posting your story on the internet?! If you think he will hunt you down and shoot you, don't you think he has a way to find out that you are on here ranting about the situation??!!
Geez
ok now if you have gotten this far, there are a million of hotlines and safe houses out there that can help you. Don't you have any family members who can help you?
The police can be called to your house so you can get your things and leave, and he can't do anything about it. File a PFA at the court house, get a restraining order! They will grant it if you use the right words, like "I'm afraid for my life and my children's life." Describe when things have happened to you, like the choking, come on, say the dates, why there was a fight, if there was, what happened. Say that you went to the police, do you have a police report???? If anything ever happens again, call 911 IMEDIATELY they will respond, and if you say that he hit you, kicked you, threatened to kill you, anything, they will take him away.
Please take this seriously, if you feel you are in danger, get out. Especially with your kids, who cares about the school when their lives could be at stake???!! This isn't just saving you, this is saving your children. If you left them with him, don't you think the violence will fall on them too?
Think about it. The only advice I can say is start with your state, do an internet search on safe houses and hotlines and keep calling until you find one in your area that can help. That's what they are there for.
Abuse is NEVER EVER ok, physical or mental, and you need to get out before you and your children die.
I found the following in 30 seconds.....

Answer 4

Seems as if you should be packing you and girls up and leaving that moron. Get a lawyer and sue for divorce, child support, alimony, and I'd guess an order of protection from the court. If you choose to stay in an abusive atmopshere, shame on you! I'd like to think you and your children deserve better. No one has the right to make you feel like less than what you know you are. Good luck,,,,,,and the yellow pages are FULL of competent attorneys. Most will work with you if need help to afford their services, so don't let the lack of money stop you. You may also want to check into community action and support groups, there's alot of them and they can be very helpful. Wish you the best..........

Answer 5

Why are you even asking if it's a good idea to leave your GIRLS with a man who abuses women???? Look what they see you are allowing him to do to you!!! They are learning to live with abuse! Take your daughters (or the one that is younger and must do what you say) away from that man as fast as you can and tell them you should have done it sooner and that THEY should never allow a man to treat them this way. You have made a huge mistake. Go (TODAY) to a shelter for battered women and tell them your story. If you don't know where one is, call any local church and ask. Or go to a medical clinic and ask. The people at the shelter will find help for you financially and they'll give you a place to live until you can get on your own. They will help you get to a doctor, too. This is long overdue. You have damaged your daughters emotionally by staying there so long and you have damaged yourself by believing you had to stay in that horrid situation.

Answer 6

I feel for u. My suggestion is maybe u try a different police station. Try talking to them carefully to the point thats cops can actually understand. I think u should take ur children with u and make him pay child support. That way u can get child support money for ur children. Ur children are old enough to take care of themselves right? Then maybe after u talk to the court about abuse and divorce, u can get a job and leave them at home. My friend almost had the same prob, she divorced him and made him pay child support, he pays $400 a month, thats not a lot but its enough to pass through. I am so sorry for how u feel. If I had to say this in one word it would definitly be DIVORCE!!!!

Answer 7

Oh my gosh honey! You can't live like this. Your kids are doing this b/c its all they know. They've grown up with it. Him and his family, that is another story. Keep trying. Like the first guy said, record him. Document things done. Go to a shelter if nothing else works. He cannot stop you from going to the doctor. Tell him you need to go for a checkup and then tell the doctor everything. I don't know where you are from but if I could help you - I would. Write me anytime. Take care and God bless you. I'm so very sorry.

Answer 8

My mom was in an abusive relationship with my dad. She left my dad when i was 12 years old. It was hard, but it is better for a kid to leave the abusive then to have to see it like i did. It will be better for the kids and better for you. YOu would be happier and so will the kids. Just tell them what is goin on and talk to them about it and see what they tell you and make your move from there

Answer 9

omg im soo sorry. guys who beat women are *******. there is no reason to do that when you know you are stronger then them.i am 20 and i have never met my biological father because he use to beat up my mom( who is 5'4 and 100 lbs while he is 6'1 250 lbs). he beat her black and blue fromwat everyone tells me . the final straw for her to leave him was he punched her in the stomach while she was 2 months preg with me. he was trying to kill me because she would not get an abortion.i am soo sorry.i wish i could help more. the best thing regardles sof your financial situation is to leave. would you rather be poor and alive or rich and dead? you gotta get out of there go to social services they can help you.abuse can have an impact on your duaghters emotionaly.try all your local government places you can get help. my email is [e-mail]. email me your city and stae and i will send you back all the number to the right places if you like. just get out of there

Answer 10

I have a friend in the same boat and I tell her the same thing. Get out before he kills you! Your children need you more than they need money. Everytime he does something to you, call the police and file a complaint, press charges. Eventually get a restraining order. Marriage is 50\50 so he will not get everything.
You need to get advice from a lawyer, most have free consutations.

You need to prepare for a new life with out him. Get out now!