Help! My husband's ex called and now wants him to help raise his 7 yr old daughter!?

Question

We have been together for almost 7 years. When I first met my husband, I knew that he had an ex who was pregnant. (Who left him) She told him that they were to have no contact over the girl. Yesterday she calls my husband and tells him that his daughter wants to know who her father is and she wanted his opinion on what to tell her. She told him that she wanted his daughter to meet our two children as well as him. She told my husband that she has a boyfriend and that he didnt like her talking to him. She also advised my husband that he would not be able to see his daughter until Feb and it would be only for one day. I feel like my husband should support his daughter but I cant help but wonder why do this and then have to wait to meet her. My husband thinks I am freaking out, because I was crying, trying to decide how to tell our children/family. I just want to make sure I am supportive, but how. He thinks I dont trust him with his ex. He didnt give her our #, just his cell #.

Answer 1

First of all, I think some of the people on here are cruel and rude.

Secondly, I think you need to take a few days to cry and vent and be upset. This is huge news in your life and is probably something that existed only in your worst nightmares. To the people who make reference to your husband being a bad father, etc., etc and towards you being selfish, I ask them to please put themselves in your and your husband's shoes.

Your husbands ex left him, and although she was pregnant, there was no guarantee that it was his child. How old was your husband when this happened? I believe he might have been young and not known what to do...so he did what she asked.

I truly feel that you need to (1) not tell your children about the possible sibling just yet (2) seek proof that your husband is the father (3) gain legal assistance.

It it highly possible that your husband's ex has a new boyfriend has advised ex that she is entitled to money from your husband. If you recently have made a new purchase of something like a home or a car that would on the outside show material wealth, perhaps this has triggered the $$$ signs in his ex's eyes and this is all she is seeking. It certainly seems apparent by the fact that she doesn't want him to see the child, just wants him to help her financially.

Answer 2

I have a son that does not know his dad. That is because it is on his dads part. My husband now adopted him and He has raised him since he was 1 yr. old. I think you husband should meet his daughter and ask if you will get to pick her up for that day and spend the whole day with her without the ex there. take her some where like out to eat or the park. Enjoy the time you have with her and after that if her mom won't let your husband see her again then I would get a lawyer and see if He couldn't get visitation rights. He may have to pay child support but that would be okay too. the reason he probably gave her his cell number is because he knows how you feel about the ex and didn't want to stress you out anymore than he has too.

Answer 3

Well, this IS a situation. The fact is, your husband should have been supporting his first daughter all along, no matter what the ex said. And he should have demanded visitation rights to be a part of her life. Since he hasn't, she could legally terminate his parental rights. But the little girl wants to know who her real daddy is. She wants to know him, so her mother is agreeable to them meeting in order to give her child some emotional support. Your husband needs to go see a lawyer to see what his rights are. If the ex wants child support, she should get it! AND your husband should have frequent visitation with the child, too, starting sooner than February unless she lives 800 miles away and needs to save up for transportation or something. That is what is best for that child. (A one hour consultation with an attorney is not so expensive, your husband shouldn't go. It's really important for him to know his rights and whether he'll be charged for "back support" at this point.) As for your current children...it goes like this: " Many years ago your daddy had another baby. She is 7 years old and she is your half-sister! Isn't that exciting? She lives with her mommy and she wants to meet you!" They will be fine with that explanation. When they are older, you can explain the particulars of the situation if you care to do so. (One word of caution. Is he SURE she was pregnant with HIS child? Maybe part of this deal before he pays financial child support is to get a paternity test ...a simple blood test..to prove he's the father.)

Answer 4

I feel you on this one... it really doesn't make sense that the woman is making your husband wait until Feb. If the girl wants to meet her father it should be sooner than later. Honestly sounds a little on the odd side.... sounds like she is wanting money. You are being supportive and let your hubby know that, just tell him that your worried about the effects its going to have on your children and family. Its not a trust issue. I think its great that you support him and want him to help support his daughter.. but the two of you should dig deeper into the matter and see what the delay is and why it took the other woman seven years to step forward for help.

Answer 5

I'm sure this is causing some confusion and anxiety but the important thing is that he is going to have a chance to get to know his daughter. This is so important for the child. I know it will be uncomfortable but you knew he had a child when you got together. The child is the most important person in all of this. An innocent 7 yr old who wants to know her father. Be supportive and do your best to make this child feel comfortable and accepted. You will have to put your feelings aside and let a father and daughter get to know each other. Your husband will love you for it & your relationship will be stronger because of it if you go about it the right way.

Answer 6

Well stop freaking out.

He isn't leaving you , and she doesn't want him back.

The girl has a right to get to know her father.

Let them meet in february, and see how it turns out.

but before anything, make sure to have a DNA test done.

Its 500 dollars but I feel worth it. At least then he can establish rights as a father, and you can both make your own rules. and her mother can't say a thing.

and after all that is done and they have established a regular visitation then tell your children they have a sister.

And if you have done a good job raising them they will love her.

And hopefully you have enough love in your heart to sacrifice just a little bit of your families time to include this little girl in your family.

Please stop worrying about the neighbors and the kids.

they will be fine.

as for you, detach, let your husband choose the direction this will go.

But , if it seems the ex is try to create problems, I doubt it.
She hasn't bothered you in all these years.

I really believe the child wants to know her father.

I never knew my dad but i always wished to know him
no matter how horrible or great he might have been.

Answer 7

He should meet his daughter before sending any money. I would get suspicious if I'm asked to send money to a daughter I haven't even seen yet alone met! I hate to ask this but would there be any way to prove that this child is his? I undestand that she was pregnant with his child 7 years ago anything could have happened between then and now. Both of you need to protect your interests. You need to stay strong and support your husband by loving him and providing a united front in front of the children and his ex. Keep any arguments behind closed doors.
In terms of your family call them together and both of you explain to them that they have a sister who they haven't met yet but will meet soon. I have had the experience of not even knowing about my brother until I was in my teens and trust me I felt betrayed by my parents for never saying anything to me. So the earlier your children know the better.

Answer 8

The kid is his and she is at the age were she wants to be around her daddy. He probably would like to see her and may be worried what you will think. He should get a lawyer find out his rights and shoot for custody or some form of joint custody. The ex sounds like a real witch as she wants him to see the kid for one day three months from now. This is only going to make her little girl want to see daddy more. As for your family sit down tell them he has a kid he has never seen from before you were married and she is now entering your life. Your family will probably be supportive of the situation. Last thing you may want to have genetic testing done to be sure the kid is his. This ex my have become pregnant by another man and is passing this off to your hubby as he is a better man than the actual father. Show support for meeting the kid and be nice around the ex. Good Luck

Answer 9

Why freak out and cry. You knew this girl existed, not like she was a surprise. this girl deserves to know who she is part of. Telling your children after your husband and the child meet and seems to settle into a routine is best considering things may not work out and then your children would be so confused. So I would wait for a little bit to make sure she is going to be a part of your lives before letting the cat out of the bag. If things don't work out then when your children are older then tell them they have a half sibling.

Answer 10

Just give a damn to his daughter, r u in any way concerned of that.Dont try to impress him by these foolish things like bein concerned about his ex-gf's dauhter.You being a mother may have a feeling for the daughter coz she in no way is guilty but then take care of all those orphans who cries for their parents on the road and doesnt even know there is something in this world that exists called "love".As far as your love for your husband is concerned take care of him and your own family and dont even try to be nice about his ex-life,that might have a reverse effect of him suspecting you to have some previous affairs for which you miht seek help for him in the near future.If you on minling with your past lives then you would lose your beautiful present and the coming future of your own children.